StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Butterfat. He'd stolen a Y-Wing to hunt down Darkstar, and had finally slain his mortal enemy - or so he thought. In fact, an embittered ST fan had tampered with the Y-Wing's targeting systems, so that B&B showed up on the fighter's HUD as DarkStar and his second cousin eight-times-removed, Eustance B. Hatfricker.
Butterfat's smile faded as something big dropped out of hyperspace 5 klicks ahead. It couldn't be! But it was - none other than...

Samul L Motherfucking Jaskon in the Star Destroyer "Low-Rider" he had come to wreak bloody vengance on..

the trek trolls stronghold and ordered a Base delta zero with a rain of turbolaser fire starting the fight but then.....

Timmy Jones popped out in a runabout determined to save his bend over buddy Darkstar and commenced an attack run with torpedoes on the "Low Rider's" sensor globes, convinced that they were defelector shield generators. TOWNMNBS yelled out "Yippe Kaiyaa Motherfucker!" as he fired only to discover to his utter horror and dismay that....

..his quantum torpedoes had been replaced with Hostess Twinkies! As a rain of everlasting, nature-defying pastries rained upon the "Low-Rider" Jackson cackled hysterically. Suddenly, Jackson was overpowered and savagely beaten by Bruce Willis and Mila Jovovich! After giving Jackson his patented Look, Bruce Willis turned to Mila Jovovich and said...

lets go get the rest of those fools! I hear they're hiding at the Elite Fitness Super Gym which is armed to the teeth and stock with...

booze!"
Mila Jovovich gibbered something at him and flashed him her tits. Taking this for agreement, he aimed the "Low-Rider" directly at Anaheim, California and engaged the Hyperdrive.

Meanwhile, back at the ponderosa, Little Joe was complaining to Hoss that his briefs were too tight. Hoss replied by kicking little Joe repeatedly in the testicles while singing the theme from "Cats." Then Pa showed up, and...

opend up a six pack of whoop ass on those sons-a-bitches. When satisfied with the brutal beatings that he gave them, Pa went into the outhouse and checked his secret galaxy transmitter. He decided to call...

...The Ghostbusters, but they were all dead. Turns out Pete Venkman was murdered in cold blood by a vengeful gopher, while the others died of terminal career failure. So, disappointed, Pa dove headfirst into the tank. His disappearance remained a mystery for many years, until one dark and stormy night, his feces-sodden corpse was exhumed and consumed by...

Goro, a 25-foot-long monitor lizard. The remains were still being digested when they began to slowly congeal into a humanoid shape. Hours passed. Suddenly a masked figure exploded out of Goro's colon and punched his way out of the lizard's side, disappearing into the night.
Goro's pissy mood from the bloody hole in his side was only increased when...

his mortal enemy Rodan appeared out of thin air. The fight was on! What happened next was...

Somthing completly diffrent! When everything from Rodaan to the No-Homers Dissapered in a poof of logic when a Fundmentlist trying to mathmaticly prove the existance of God instead disproved the existance of idiots! Needless to say he knew what he had accidently discovered in time. However he had train another in the arts of idoicy, this... apprentice was none other than....!

Timothy Jones! Who'd survived his earlier confontation with the forces of the Galactic Republic (in another time and universe) by punching out of his Runabout before the Low Rider bothered to pummel it to dust - only to be immediately drawn into this new, strange timeline. This was quite like Marvel Comics' Secret Wars, except it all made rather less sense.
TJ was accompanied by his Hierarchy of Demons. They were evil incarnate, and their names were...

includes the likes of Darkstar, Graham Kennedy, and other trek demons but the crusading forces of the empire followed to exterminate this vile taint on the universe and soon came as well, cannons fired and the battle contiuned but soon......

Timothy Jones discovered a small doorway behind one of the filing cabinets in his office. As he opened the door, he discovered a small passage way that was just large enough for him to crawl into. He shimeyed and shuffled his way into the passage way. POOOF!!! All of a sudden he found himself inside the head of...

Bob Dole, Never the less Bob Dole was quite upset with somone taking control of Bob Dole was Bad, thefor Bob Dole unleased the great weapon of ANY Former Politicion, Yes that dreaded Force! The...!

Bill Gates! Jones was horrified! After all, success was an alien concept to him, and he had no frame of reference with which to comprehend it!

Gates, for his part, did the sensible thing: he began pounding his head against the surgically-augmented breasts of his secretary in hopes of fleeing from consciousness... but to no avail. So, shrieking and clawing at his face (which was convulsing and twitching) he sought out the only man who could exorcise the Timothy Jones demon. That man, as it turned out, was...

at home watching t.v. Thus, they called upon Ralph Nader as their backup to deafeat Gates and Dole (who was still being controlled). Unfortunately, Nader forgot to...

tie his laces, and fell on his face. Dole stopped to help him up and was punched in the face by...

Bob Dole? Timothy Jones, who was still fighting for the control of Dole's body finally gained the upper hand--Dole was under his control and...

had a heart attack, killing both Dole and Jones. Nader then got to his feet and said...

(dammit, too late for the right post)

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson's large Samoan attorney, who shrieked "God damn you! I warned you! I told you not to feed that god damn rabbit! But NOOOOO!!! You had to go soft and give him a bowl of Trix, DIDN'T YOU!!!"

Luckily, Thompson was just outside. He grabbed the mescalin-addled attorney, shouting, "No! No! He's not the one! God -- back!"

Bob Dole watched in slack-jawed amazement. Bob Dole didn't know what to say. So Bob Dole picked up a convenient bar-stool and...

had another heart attack! This caused a series of galactic events to be set in motion. Deep in the far corners of the milky way...

A star exploded kill an entire race of people, No one seemed to notice least off all one small neutrotic robot with the brain the size of a planet yet here he was acting as a tool-booth bot for the...

(please please please)

toll-booth bot for the Thundercats! While they were off searching for their ho (Thundercats, Hoooooo!!!) Zippy the Neutron-Powered Toll-Booth Bot waged war on turnstile-jumpers! But little did Zippy know that his days were numbered... for over the rings of the seventh planet, on a super-duper-space-rocket-bike made of pressed ham and pork-snouts, came the Mighty, the Unstoppable, the Delightfully Fragrant MAYNARD JAMES KEENAN! Zippy lubed his metal trousers in terror, because Maynard was carrying...