[OOC: I was typing this down a while ago - before this sudden flurry of activity and Setzer's subsequent post. Then I hit 'preview' and my school's shitty computer fucked me over. Fuck them.]
Royal Congressional Hall, Orena
Yesterday, Something-Something Unreal Time
It happened so fast.
After a brief exchange of words, the Shepistani representative promptly
stabbed the Old Dominion diplomat in the chest.
With a knife. When the blade was finally pulled off, blood sprayed from Minister Evan Mironov's bleeding breasts in a rather evocative sight.
More evocative was when Mironov rammed a broken champagne glass into representative Fakim's face, right on one of his eyes. Much blood was spilled everywhere.
As the FSS men separated the two mortal combatants, Fakim - his face a grotesque and bloody now-cyclopean visage - pulled out a tiny pistol and tried to kill Mironov with it.
He missed, and shot an ice-sculpted mushroom instead. Luckily, the mushroom exploded into countless sharp shards that lacerated innocent bystanders by the hors d ourvres table.
As the mushroom exploded, Prime Minister Shroom was chewing on a piece of snack sushi. He noted its suddenly odd taste, a coppery and metallic flavor, no doubt imparted by that strange blood-red wasabi sauce. It had a peculiar, yet strangely familiar taste.
The glass-sharp shards of ice missed the Prime Minister entirely - not even coming close to him. Which was more than could be said about everyone around him.
"Argh! CUNTS FOR EYES!" the Baernish ambassador screamed inhumanly as he covered his bloody face. "My glasses! My glasses! I can't be seen without my glasses!"
The poor man flailed about wildly and staggered drunkenly.
"Prime Minister!" Alison cried as she ran to her boss. "Sir, are you alright? Did you get hurt?"
"No, I'm fine. Thank you," Shroom replied nonchalantly. "How 'bout you? You okay?"
"Yeah -"
"CUNTS FOR EYES!" the Baernish ambassador screamed as he staggered towards the two. "I have -"
"
Ja, fotzauge," Shroom finished for him. "Um... Ali, get this guy some help."
As Ali gave the stricken man some medical attention while bringing him to some EMTs, Shroom went over to the ruined table for another glass of champagne, feeling like he needed one badly, but it turned out that the remaining one was broken and filled with blood -
Is that the Shepistani representative's eye?
He decided to be somewhere else, and so he went somewhere else.
He found Lady Anethga by the balcony, and she was visibly distraught, showing all the signs of shock.
"Hello again, Melfirth," Shroom began as he neared her. "Are you alright, milady?"
The Lady Ambassador of Sirnoth turned to face the Prime Minister of Shroomania, and he saw that she hadn't escaped the violence unhurt. There, betwixt her bosom, was a small cut - no doubt inflicted by a flying piece of sharp ice.
"Prime Minister..." she began.
"Your br-" Shroom began to utter, but stopped himself. "You're bleeding," he finally managed to say. He pulled a clean hanky from his pockets. "Here, you should put some light pressure on it, to stop the flow."
"Thank you," Melfirth said quietly as she took the Prime Minister's handkerchief, and his hand, and placed it on her chest.
They stood there like that, for a while, until Shroom decided to let her keep his hanky.
"Excuse me," they both said at once, mutually surprising one another. Shroom gestured to Lady Anethga, letting her go first. "I'd... like to be alone for a while, Shroom."
"Of course."
She gave Shroom his hanky back and excused herself as she took a comb from her purse and went to the ladies' room to compose herself.
Shroom wiped his brow with the unstained side of the hanky and decided to join King Paul.
Lady Anethga wrote:Lady Anethga rejoined the Prime Minister and King Paul. "Shepistanis and Old Dominioners fighting again. It seems I take a piece of home with me wherever I go. " She took a small comb out of her purse, and combed some shards of glass out of her hair. "Having given the matter some thought, I rather think that space research is our best option. The Sovereign just sent me the new budget figures, and we have a hefty surplus demanding to be spent."
LIVE on ShroomSatTV
The Sovereign Shroomanian Sentinel
SHEPISTANI SHAVING SLICE - DIPLOMATIC DERRINGER DISASTER
The Shepistani representative, Al-Fakim, not only stabbed the Lonestar Foreign Minister Evan Mironov, but also produced a carbon-fiber derringer - a tiny pistol undetectable to metal detectors - and attempted to finish the job.
Fortunately, Al-Fakim missed. However, Minister Mironov is currently in critical condition due to his stab wounds.
While the Shepistani representative was allowed to carry his ceremonial knife, due to the fact that it was not sharpened (though nonetheless it was quite pointy), how exactly he managed to smuggle his weapon into the Royal Congressional Hall is still being investigated.
Aside from the non-metallic construction of the derringer, making it invisible to metal detectors, it is believed that Shepistani representative Al-Fakim concealed the weapon in his crotch area and...
*click*
The Hanoi Hilton Five Star Hotel, Orena
Today...
Prime Minister Shroom woke up at noon. He had been awake well into the night and had slept rather late - only to end up being plagued by nightmares.
Nightmares of Shep having his brains blown off by Bean - King Blackadder. But now that Bean was in charge of Khitan, a Mongoloid nation, the flashbacks had Bean in the shape, form and likeness of Genghis Khan - laughing manically as he ventilated Shep's cranium.
Shroom laid there for a while, trying to erase the lingering memories of the nightmare by thinking happy thoughts, by remembering what exactly he had been doing before turning in for the night.
It turned out that Lady Melfirth shared her Sovereign's enthusiasm for the space program. She discussed the matter with him and King Paul, but Paul hadn't been in the best of moods due to the rather unexpected international incident, so the King went with his Queen, and the Prime Minister was left with the new Ambassador.
He spent the night explaining his Big Bang theory to her, and she got the thrust of it rather well as they stargazed together. In the Orena Observatory. Along with a few world leaders and diplomatic hangers on.
The diplomatic dinner had been so rudely interrupted and prematurely adjourned by the whole stab-shooting deal, so Prime Minister Shroom ended up taking those who weren't ready to turn in for the night for a tour of the PeZookian capital. The Prime Minister was rather familiar with Orena, having been there 'before' - so he took them to some sights still open at night, such as the Planetarium and the Observatory.
The Stubble Telescope was open, and visitors could only take a gander through its astral looking glass at night and with the assistance of the Observatory's scientific staff - who were totally not expecting a bunch of night-lively Prime Ministers and Ambassadors and Presidents to be crashing in on their Planetariums. They were rather excited and embarrassed and unsure of what to do with all the visiting very important persons, so Shroom ended up clapping the head honcho over the shoulder - and doing some free FASTA promotion for the crowds.
It really got the various diplomats and leaders, like Shady, excited and enthusiastic over FASTA and space research and stuff. Even the Fungal Secret Service men got in on it.
All in all, it was a good night - and Shroom ended it by walking Lady Melfirth Anethga to her room, kissing her hand one more time, and wishing her pleasant dreams.
Now, Shroom rubbed his eyes and thankfully, the memory of his not-so-pleasant nightmare faded away.
It was a brand new day, and the FUN Forum would begin - without the Shepistani ambassador, consul, representative, or knife-wielding sociopath.
Without the Lonestar representative too...
Shroom yawned and decided to get do his morning rituals. Alison would be waiting for him, with a whole folder full of homework for him to read through on their way to wherever the meeting was being held. He remembered last night, and remembered how she had decided not to join the Prime Minister's moving party, excusing herself by saying she had actual work to do.
Prime Minister Shroom decided that he would read her reports this time.
As he sat himself on the toilet, the TV droned on about how full body searches were being considered - with FSS men making sure no weapons were crotch-concealed.