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verilon wrote:Yes. Esp. considering I've played FF2 all of once. And that was the only time I ever played FF.

~ver

ACtually, I've mostly been keeping myself to yammering about the original FF. The second FF I've only started playing through (refering to ff2 for the NES, graciously packaged with the original FF in FF: Origins. I am happy nerd.)

*wipes tears away*

OMG, that was too funny..... Ahhhhh, good times and noodle salad.

Please, sir, may I have some more?

NEW CHAPTER!


Part 13: Oh, not good

*fade in on KUJA and CYRAN, who have both set their menus down on their table. GARLAND rushes up, carrying a tray with a coke and two pitches of beer*

GARLAND: Here...you...are...gentlemen.

KUJA: *frosty* About time.

GARLAND: Sorry...for the wait. Are you...ready to order?

CYRAN: Yep.

*GARLAND pulls out a pad and pencil*

GARLAND: So, what'll it be?

CYRAN: I'll have the Family Special #6!

GARLAND: Uh…but that serves eight people! Are the two of you really-

CYRAN: Oh no. This is just for me.

*GARLAND drops his pad*

KUJA: I'll have the same.

*GARLAND drops his pencil*

KUJA: And an apple pie with that.

*GARLAND'S jaw drops*

CYRAN: Stop competing with me!

KUJA: I'm not competing with you.

*GARLAND gathers up his stuff*

GARLAND: Well then, gentlemen, thank you, and I'll have your food out as soon it's ready.

KUJA: Good man.

*he flips GARLAND the nickel. GARLAND catches it, fumbles, and runs off. CUT TO: the kitchen, which is now charred and blackened. THIEF pops his head up over one counter*

BLACKMAGE: YAAAAAAAAAAA!

*BLACKMAGE leaps over the counter and tackles THIEF. Both of them disappear behind the counter. Punches are heard. GARLAND rushes in*

GARLAND: Hey guys, big order!

BLACKMAGE: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

*BLACKMAGE launches himself at GARLAND. CUT TO: the restaurant. All activity ceases as BLACKMAGE and GARLAND burst through the kitchen doors, rolling over each other again and again*

STRAVO: What the-

ZAIA: What in-

*the two combatants finally roll to a stop at the foot of KUJA and CYRAN'S table. BLACKMAGE decks GARLAND one final time, then stands. KUJA, CYRAN, and BLACKMAGE all lock gazes. Expressions of horror slowly crawl across their faces*

BLACKMAGE: Wha-bu-mu-cu-

KUJA: Who-yo-I-no-whe-

CYRAN: Se-ke-me-ne-

*all three suddenly burst out screaming. BLACKMAGE turns and runs back into the kitchen. KUJA scrambles over the booth divider and dives behind DRIZZ'l'S table. CYRAN leaps out of the booth, runs across the room, and latches onto ZAIA'S leg*

ZAIA: Hey!

CYRAN: *bawling* Help me!

DRIZZ'l: Buddy, what the hell are you doing?

BIKKE: Yar, what's the big idea?

KUJA: Shut up! Just shut up!

*CUT TO: the kitchen. BLACKMAGE is curled up into a ball, rocking back and forth in one corner with his comrades standing over him*

BLACKMAGE: *weakly* It was horrible...they looked...just like me!

REDMAGE: What should we do with him?

THIEF: Let's just leave him alone for a while and see if he gets better.

FIGHTER: Sugar!

OTHERS: No!

*CUT TO: the men's restroom, sometime later. KUJA and CYRAN are taking turns justifying their actions to STRAVO*

KUJA: You didn't see it! You didn't look into its eyes!

CYRAN: It was like looking into a mirror! Only dark and twisted and wrong and evil and horrifying and-

STRAVO: OKAY! I DON'T CARE! *he takes a deep breath* Look you two, you didn't cause any damage, and nobody's going to sue, so as long as you behave yourselves. All right?

CYRAN: *he sighs* Okay. I want to sit down.

STRAVO: Why don't you go keep Zaia company for a few minutes? I want to talk to Kuja for a second.

*CYRAN nods and exits. The moment the door is closed, STRAVO grabs KUJA by the neck and starts shaking him*

STRAVO: You lousy stupid little-

KUJA: Aaaaaaaccccccckkkkkkk!

*STRAVO finally finishes venting and lets KUJA down. KUJA coughs and rubs his throat*

STRAVO: Look. I'll make you a deal, all right?

KUJA: What?

STRAVO: You promise not to ruin my date with Zaia-

KUJA: And in return?

STRAVO: I'll do...anything!

*scene freezes as a well-dressed Englishman, complete with top hat and cane, bursts out of the closet*

ENGLISHMAN: MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

*the man ducks back into the closet and the scene unfreezes. KUJA smiles evilly*

KUJA: Absolutely anything?

STRAVO: Absolutely anything... *he thinks for a moment* ...not involving two guys and a bed.

KUJA: Darn. There goes my third choice.

STRAVO: *pales* Your THIRD choice?

KUJA: Yeah.

STRAVO: *nervously* What're the first two?

*KUJA laughs darkly as he exits*

STRAVO: Oh, this is not good.

*CUT TO: KUJA and CYRAN'S table. Each has a pitcher of beer in front of them*

KUJA: You sure?

CYRAN: After what just happened, I need a beer.

KUJA: Okay then, down the hatch!

*both of them drain their pitchers and are instantly smashed*

KUJA: *giggling* Dude, this is gonna be awesome.

CYRAN: *laughing* Yeah.

*fade out*

...Interesting. But it reminds me that I really need to teach my loyal minions not to be such spazmonkeys.

*golf-claps* This has my approval as a +10/+10 Epic Fic Of Funny

SirNitram wrote:...Interesting. But it reminds me that I really need to teach my loyal minions not to be such spazmonkeys.

*golf-claps* This has my approval as a +10/+10 Epic Fic Of Funny

Bah, you're just an old stick in the mud. That kicked ass and you know it!

Shazbot!

Sweeeeeeeet. Got Strav wrapped around my little finger.

Zaia wrote:Sweeeeeeeet. Got Strav wrapped around my little finger.

Along with every male on SD.

Aya wrote:Along with every male on SD.

I beg to differ, I'm wrapped around someone else's little finger.

Crayz9000 wrote:

Aya wrote:Along with every male on SD.

I beg to differ, I'm wrapped around someone else's little finger.

Oh? Does Pablo know?



(I am so going to be murdered)

Aya wrote:

Zaia wrote:Sweeeeeeeet. Got Strav wrapped around my little finger.

Along with every male on SD.

[ahem]

Anywho, good going Kuja.. looking forward to more.

~ver

verilon wrote:

Aya wrote:

Zaia wrote:Sweeeeeeeet. Got Strav wrapped around my little finger.

Along with every male on SD.

[ahem]

Anywho, good going Kuja.. looking forward to more.

~ver

Ok, every male except for Ver, who's tied around Cyran's finger.

Aya wrote:

verilon wrote:

Aya wrote: Along with every male on SD.

[ahem]

Anywho, good going Kuja.. looking forward to more.

~ver

Ok, every male except for Ver, who's tied around Cyran's finger.

[thwap]

~ver

verilon wrote: [thwap]

~ver

=P

Zaia wrote:Sweeeeeeeet. Got Strav wrapped around my little finger.

Theres a small penis joke in there somewhere, give the guy some credit, index finger at least.

Aya wrote:

verilon wrote:

Aya wrote: Along with every male on SD.

[ahem]

Anywho, good going Kuja.. looking forward to more.

~ver

Ok, every male except for Ver, who's tied around Cyran's finger.

Really? When did this happen? *Gets a very confused look on his face as he looks around.*

Aya wrote:

Zaia wrote:Sweeeeeeeet. Got Strav wrapped around my little finger.

Along with every male on SD.

I will have you know that I am not wrapped around any person on this board's finger...

Mostly because she doesn't post here.

Those silly mages. I am almost loath to see what Kuja's got planned. Almost.

Part 14: Kuja Shouldn't Drink


*fade in on KUJA and CYRAN, both of whom are now rip-roaring drunk*

KUJA: Dude, I am so fucking smashed.

CYRAN: Yeah me too.

KUJA: Well, down the hatch!

*they each gulp down another pitcher*

KUJA: Ah, there's a pleasant haze.

CYRAN: *giggling* Dude, I dare you to go up to Zaia.

KUJA: And do what?

CYRAN: I dunno, say somethin' funny!

KUJA: Okay dokay!

*KUJA stands and walks somewhat wobbly over to ZAIA and STRAVO*

ZAIA: So anyway, here I am, talking to this kid, when suddenly-

KUJA: Hey, Zee?

*ZAIA slowly turns and glares at him for the interruption. STRAVO glares, too*

ZAIA: *coldly* What.

KUJA: 'S a joke.

ZAIA: What is it?

KUJA: Whaddaya call someone who hangs around wit musicians?

ZAIA: I don't know.

KUJA: A percussionist!

*NOTE: Due to time and space restrictions, we cannot show you the severe asskicking Kuja receives for this one. Suffice to say, it's pretty bad*

CYRAN: *as KUJA crawls back to the table* Dude, she beat the living shit outta you!

KUJA: Beer...beer...

*KUJA grabs a mysteriously refilled pitcher and downs it*

KUJA: Ahhh. *he begins singing* Aches and pains, go away, alcohol, you make my day!

*CYRAN cracks up*

ZAIA: Did he look drunk to you?

STRAVO: He'd have to be to do something that stupid.

*they look over*

ZAIA: Good god, not only is HE drunk, he's getting Cyran tanked!

STRAVO: Time for intervention. *he snags WHITE MAGE* Excuse me, can I borrow your pen and paper for a moment?

WHITE MAGE: Well, okay.

*STRAVO scribbles something down and hands back the pad*

STRAVO: Would you please make two of those for the...erm...gentlemen at the table over there?

WHITE MAGE: *reading the pad* Are these actually safe for human consumption?

STRAVO: Well, not really, but they need it. Trust me.

WHITE MAGE: Well, all right.

*KUJA and CYRAN have now received their orders and are stuffing their faces*

CYRAN: Mmmmm! Yum, yum!

KUJA: G'food!

*WHITE MAGE pulls GARLAND aside and whispers to him, then hands him a tray with a pair of smoking drinks on it. He presents the tray to the black mages*

GARLAND: Here you go boys! Um, tonight's special!

CYRAN: Cool!

*they gulp down the drinks. Almost immediately, smoke begins drifting from their mouths*

KUJA: Hey, do you feel funny?

CYRAN: Do you smell smoke?

*both realize that smoke is now pouring from their mouths*

BOTH: AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

*they both leap up and run for the bathroom. The moment the door is closed, huge explosions are heard and massive amounts of smoke begin blowing out from the doorframe*

ZAIA: Oh, poor Cyran! What've you done to him?

STRAVO: It's a little wake-up juice. And, uh, Kuja's in there too.

ZAIA: *blinks* Why, so he is. *she cackles*

*KUJA and CYRAN finally stagger out of the bathroom. Their clothes and faces are scorched. CYRAN heads back to his own table, while KUJA stomps over to STRAVO*

KUJA: Bastard!

STRAVO: You deserved it!

KUJA: Did not!

STRAVO: Did too!

KUJA: Did NOT!

STRAVO: Did TOO!

ZAIA: Good god, I feel like I'm teaching again.

KUJA: *sarcastically* Oh! I'm sorry! Here, let me say something a bit more insightful!

*he takes a deep breath*

STRAVO: NOOOOOOO!

*STRAVO grabs KUJA and forces his head back just as KUJA lets out a massive gout of flame. ZAIA jumps up and begins frantically patting her hair*

ZAIA: OW! OW! OW! You singed my hair, asshole!

KUJA: Oh, I'm sorry! Here, let me even it out!

*another gout of flame*

STRAVO: Stop it!

*ZAIA sprouts her claws*

ZAIA: You're one dead man.

*STRAVO jumps in between them*

STRAVO: NO FIGHTING! *he turns and whispers to KUJA* Remember our agreement? You don't fuck up the date…

*KUJA hesitates, then smiles evilly*

KUJA: And you give me whatever I want. *he frees himself from STRAVO'S grip and speaks silkily* Okay. I won't bother you anymore. Just remember Stravo, you can't back out of this.

*he smoothly walks off. STRAVO weakly sits back down*

ZAIA: What did he mean by that?

STRAVO: Nothing…I hope.

*KUJA seats himself and joins CYRAN in drinking pitcher after pitcher of ice water*

KUJA: You know, this has given me an idea.

CYRAN: Oh yeah? What?

KUJA: Come here.

*KUJA whispers into CYRAN'S ear*

CYRAN: Uh-huh...yeah...uh-huh...so...uh-huh...right...yeah...uh-huh...

*KUJA breaks away. CYRAN stares at him*

CYRAN: That's...so cool...it's beyond words.

KUJA: *humbly* Yes, I know, I know. But first, we have to ditch Stravo and Zaia, somehow.

*they think for a moment*

CYRAN: Hey, I've got an idea!

*scene freezes. Fade out*

first post!

funny as ever.
Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be getting Stravo to write SC any faster!

KUJA: Whaddaya call someone who hangs around wit musicians?

ZAIA: I don't know.

KUJA: A percussionist!

*NOTE: Due to time and space restrictions, we cannot show you the severe asskicking Kuja receives for this one. Suffice to say, it's pretty bad*

CYRAN: *as KUJA crawls back to the table* Dude, she beat the living shit outta you!

LOL! Good times...

Why isn't the building destroyed yet? For that matter why isn't NYC destroyed yet? Will we meet our hero Black Mage again? What is this amazing plan? So many questions!!

Well, once again, very funny Kuja.

Agrred with Cyran. Why is the restaurant still standing? Although, I assume that it's going to be falt pretty soon, with the way things are going...

~ver

Kuja wrote:KUJA: Whaddaya call someone who hangs around wit musicians?

ZAIA: I don't know.

KUJA: A percussionist!

*NOTE: Due to time and space restrictions, we cannot show you the severe asskicking Kuja receives for this one. Suffice to say, it's pretty bad*

<snip>

KUJA: Bastard!

STRAVO: You deserved it!

KUJA: Did not!

STRAVO: Did too!

KUJA: Did NOT!

STRAVO: Did TOO!

ZAIA: Good god, I feel like I'm teaching again.

ROTFLMFAO!!!

Zaia wrote:
ROTFLMFAO!!!

I thought you'd like that.