HEADLINE wrote:U.S. May Debut Secret Microwave Weapon Versus Iraq
*cut to newsdesk with WMA sitting behind it shuffling a stack of papers, the regular newsreader is nowhere to be seen, WMA looks a bit flustered*
Iraqi hot-pockets not safe...
In a press briefing today, secretary of defense Donald Rumsfield outlined a plan to use new EMP/Microwave weapons to sap the morale of Iraqi populace should they choose to resist the great army of democracy and white picket fence values. These weapons would be deployed against Iraqi food supply areas in an effort to make it all inedible. "Have you ever had a microwaved bit of meat? Its not pleasant. Now, imagine that you have just placed the contents of your fridge in your microwave and set it on high for an hour. Its not going to be pretty is it?" There is a concern however that should twinkies be exposed to this new weapon that a race of super-intelligent blacmanges may evolve attempt to win Wimbledon. Several groups are threatening law suits against the US government should the weapon be used. Leading the charge is the 7/11 chain, who are concerned that the microwaving of all the food within the store may actually make it edible. *looks around nervously* Sources within the Pentagon say that the weapon underwent testing last year in Taco Bell restaurants in the mid-West. *glances stage right, sweat begins to bead on forhead* Urban Legends About Animals campaigner Josef Maloney argues that any dogs exposed to the weapon may spontaneously explode much like that one in the story about the *stage is rushed by men in white coats*
*cut to: Test Screen, complete with elevator music*
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