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Tragic wrote:

Lord_Xerxes wrote:I would have to say "When you start dating a girl named Mandy, USE THE FINGER TEST. Biggest.mistake.ever. You'll understand when the time comes. Better yet. Just don't date her. Save yourself the horrible nightmares of that smell later..."

Can you fill us in?? I'm curious.

Sure, if you really want the gritty details of it.

(DISCLAIMER.....This is going to be very blunt and very gratituous)


Basically, I started dating this girl because she was the best friend of my best friend's gf. And they were both pestering me for a while to go out with her (his gf, and the girl herself...she was like obsessed with me). I eventually caved, and that was my first mistake.

This girl was soooooooooooo white trash. Like bottom of the barrel. I know this might sound really sterotypical and condescending, but she was bad. Like double-wide trailer in a trailer park, bad teeth, country music, NASCAR, the whole nine yards. Her hair was nappy. It was just a really poor choice on my part.

If I offended anyone above, well, sorry. But that's what she was, plain and simple.

Anyways, it ended up that she was tied to my bed at my house, stripped, and I was tormenting her with ice and the whole nine yards. At this point in my life, no one had imparted me with the important knowledge of the finger test. I went to go down on her without doing it first. And I got hit with the single most terrible smell I've ever smelt in my entire life. Like dead fish rotting on a dock for a week. Yes, THAT bad. To top that, she had lint on her clit. I bailed with faking nervousness as opposed to my nausea and said "Uh..maybe we shouldn't be doing this right now." (my best friend and his gf were in the other room, and could have walked in my room at any point...so this worked well.

Later on, she wanted me to have sex with her. In her trailer. With the tin-foil thin metal wall bordering her parent's room. With both my best friend nad his gf sleeping on the floor 2 feet from us. And knowing what I knew from before, i needed a scapegoat. This is bad.....I faked not being able to get it up so I wouldn't have to go through with the deed.

Perhaps I redeemed myself with that decision. But to humilate onself just to avoid having sex with someone so rank.....well, that's how bad it was.

To make a long story short, I dumped her shortly there after.

Invest in Microsoft and Intel now

Get a math tutor now, it'll save you a hell of a lot of trouble later on

Stop eating so much junk food. Trust me, you'll regret it later on.

Lisa will be as nervous as you, so don't panic when she sends her friend out first. You got the courage to get to that point, now don't chicken out.

Leave Iowa ASAP, the next six years of your life will be rotten as fuck if you stay in the backwoods.

There is a girl in Minnesota that will have sex with you if you so desire, there is another one in Pittsburgh who will emerge a year after that.

Now let me give you the results of every Super Bowl, NCAA Tournament until the year 2003.

No I am not fucking kidding the Tampa Bay Bucs will get good!

Keep cheering for the Yankees, then when you turn 19 put all your money on the Anaheim Angels, people will think you're an idiot until you've cleaned them out.

There's this thing called the internet coming up, start registering some fucking domain names.

Guess what, George Bush is still going to be president.

September 10th, 2001, better make it the 9th just to be safe. Let the good folks in the FBI know that a sheepfucker named Osama Bin Laden is trying to hijack a few airplanes. Trust me kid, the world will be a safer place.

Some night during the summer of 2000 you're going to experiment with a ,little drug called LSD, wait until you don't have work the next day before trying it out.

Star Trek sucks, you remember that right? Good boy...

Now this little doohickey is called a SEGWAY, invent this and make some more money.

Bitches aint shit but ho's and tricks, but a good woman willmake you happy at every turn. So quit spening your money on comic books and save up for the Cristal and Limo rides!

Sokar wrote:This was a really interesting post over on Slashdot
If you could travel back in time and leave a note for your twelve year old self, what would you say?

For me it would be the following :
Dear Jake,
Be yourself, and have confidence, it's all you really need.
Oh...and dont ask out Jenny Podawski in the 10th grade, shes not what you think.
Sincerly
Jake at 27(you make it this far )

What would you guys say?

dont date the girl you meet at new yrs 2001. later, dont let love go.

and xerxes, that is the most horrific story I have ever heard.

Enforcer Talen wrote: and xerxes, that is the most horrific story I have ever heard.

Well, he was curious.....

I did have a disclaimer. Imagine what it would be like to experience it first hand. *shudders in rememberance*

right then, Im glad I live in new england.

whats the finger test, exactly? I dont remember it.

Well, to be blunt................before you go down on a girl and eat her out, you finger her and smell your fingers. That way you don't get a nasty face-ful like I did.

heh. Ill keep that in mind.

It's very pratical advice that every man should be made aware of when they are younger.

would lotto numbers be too obvious answer?

Enjoy the Ride!

No, we won't have any hair in a few years.

Invest in a company called Microsoft. It'll pay off later.

Invest in a company called Mobilcom. Oh, and Microsoft.

Don't work at Vedewa.

Tell your English teacher what a pompous prick he is.

Aside from all the little things...invest in Microsoft and a couple Internet companies for a couple monthes.

And move out sooner.

Bob,

Take High school seriously, but HAVE fun. Ask out that girl we've been wanting to see, go and have a few drinks at the party. Be social, hang out with everyone, and for god's sake, DON'T date the second girl you meet at the casino. Oh and invest in stock from Atronics (Slot Manufacturer) because Indian Gaming is going to EXPLODE in California...

Listen to what I say,

Bob @ 26

You people have the wrong investment ideas
Or should I remind you how redicously overvauled other companys got?


Better Investiment solutions

-Dear Me
Hey, remeber these three things, 1. Stay away from Sandles, whenever we wear them, somthing bad happens
2. Don't turn down that Yard Mowing Job
3. On March 18 of 1997 Yahoo will IPO at 5$ and fourty cents a share, By the end of the day it will be at twenty one dollers... DONT SELL OFF! Instead hold it, keeping investing in Yahoo till Feburary 99, Then shift any new Investsments into AOL but keep your Yahoo

Why? On Janurary 14 of the Year 2000 Yahoo started failling from its high of 325 Dollers a share
And thats with two stock splits inbeween 97 and 2000
Meaing?

Even 500$ invested on that first day would yeild just about 83 Shares of Yahoo, Assume you pick up 17 more in the next few days for an even 100 shares, Two stock splits means its now 400 Shares and if you sold out on the 14th as I recomneded
130,000 off a five-hundred doller investment

Oh and I'd also inculded a note of the Decemeber 2002 Powerball Lottonumbers when it toped 170 Million

I had already discovered masturbation by then, so that's out, though I suppose I could expand my technique pool. I'd get myself to learn Japanese earlier, and to finish Spanish and Portugese. Trigger my current apathy earlier and spare myself some grief. Some beneficial financial information, of course. All I can think of at the moment.

dont leave you´r wallet with
500 marks, id ( 20 marks ), drivers liscense (60 marks ), EC card (20 marks), car certificate (60 marks + 80 marks for solemn declaration), pictures of girlfriends, other personal stuff which you´ll NEVER get back

in your jeans with that really cool BELT from the 60s which you got from your dad in the car when you go to the beech in southern france in the summer of 2001 because some fuckheads are going to break into the car and steal the jeans with the belt and the wallet.

*ROOOOAAAAAAR!!!!*

- Don't waste your money on Ad&d. You'll never get a decent group to game with anyway.
- Screw a social life until you get online and onto the forums. Don't fall in with the same crowd in real life as I did.
- Concentrate on your studies. Actually do the homework. Do that Japanese course via distance ed right from year 8.
- Shirley's a nice girl, but you'll be more than friends with her. Someone comes a few years later. You'll know who she is when you meet her. Don't screw up like I did. Be honest, and be strong for her and with her, and she'll love you for it.
- Here are the Gold Lotto numbers for the following dates.....

Babe,

Brains aren't everything. You can't rely on them your entire life. Stop trying to win every argument and dont' be so bloody paranoid.
Wash your hair more often - you're about to hit puberty and it will go rank.
Give up horse riding - it'll make your thighs fat. Take up self defence lessons and/or a martial art. In 7 years, you'll thank me.

Oh yes, and here's the latest Album by thyis guy called Alice Cooper (Hey Stoopid). Look up Guns N Roses and Black Sabbath.
Don't waste your pocket money on videos - save up, tka ethe train to London and buy velvet clothes.

In 3 years time, start wearing corsets.

Don't let your fear rule you. More often than not, you're going to catch it anyway, so you might as well face it and go down fighting. Particularly at Astroworld.

To that effect:

TALK to your parents. NOW. Be totally honest. You're afraid of them, and that's going to hurt you later on.

Perishima likes you. LIKES you, Likes you. You Like her too. Sometime in the 7th grade, she's going to ask you if you do, follow that first instict. Or better yet, just kiss her.

Yes, that uneasy feeling you get whenever you read the Book of Revelations is correct.

For High School go ahead and go to Booker T. Washington. Unless something good has happened with Perishima(she'll be going to the same school), there will be a girl named Diedre Scott. By your senior year, you're going to be all but crazy about her. GO FOR IT!!! And if you happen to still be with PJ, be friends with her, and stay in touch. Either way, she's worth it.

And keep in touch with Everett and later Reginald. Friends with similar intrests are depressingly hard to find.

And pay more attention in High School, schoolwork and otherwise. You're going to miss those days terribly.

Dont let your emotions get the better of you, they make you weak.

The worst betrayal is always the first*then I will list every time I have been betrayed up until this point*

And because I was fundie on the way to recovery, I will reinforce the idea that god does not exist

"Comb your hair, stop acting like a doofus, and try harder to get out of the private school you're in now by 7th grade! Sincerely, you in three years."

Man does this thread stink of regret.