StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Frosted Flakes.

Almond Honey Bunches of Oats
Honey Nut Cheerios
Frosted Mini-Wheats
Kellog's Special K w/ strawberries

And when I'm in the mood for chocolate, it's Cocoa Pebbles!


What? No one here eats Star Wars Episode II cereal? lol!

For those who don't peruse 8-bit Theater regularly:

The Seedy Underbelly of Breakfast Cereal.


"Dear red mage,

In a recent column you mentioned that in a fight between snap, crackle, and pop, and the keebler elves, that the keebler elves would win. This shows an ignorance of not only the nature of snap, crackle, and pop, but also of the dark, seedy underworld of the entire cereal mafia. It is, then, my mission to educate you on the dangers of the cereal "mascots", and the organization they create.

-Vincente Leprechaun A.K.A. "Lucky"
One of the higher ranking lieutenants in the mafia, he supplies all the drugs to the various dealers. He buys them in Mexico with his "pots O' gold" and then smuggles them over the border in his balloons. Viciously ruthless, he slaughters all who stands in his way with gleeful irish charm. Also rumored to have connections to the I.R.A.

-Vittorio "Smacks" Frog
The main heroin dealer, he recieves his supplies from Lucky and the distributes them to his clientele. As with all the drug dealers in the mafia, his brand name cereal is a "gateway" cereal.

-Tony "The Tiger" Loretti
The enforcer for the mafia, and personal bodyguard for Wendell. Has been known to run extortion rackets for the mafia as well. Prone to violent mood swings, most likely due to massive intakes of steroids. ("They're Grrrreat!")

-Wendell "The Baker" Forcezi
The head of the mafia, he rose to power after assassinating his two brothers who previously ruled jointly with him. When asked about their whereabouts, he only replied, "They're toasty. Real toasty. And cinnamon flavored too." Incredibly brutal, he runs the mafia with an iron fist.

-Sonny "Cuckoo" Cartola
Deals crack cocaine. High strung, and extremely unpredictable. Considered by many to be a loose cannon, he is kept on a tight rein by Lucky.

-"Snap, Crackle, and Pop" Torelli
The three legendary hitmen of the cereal mafia. Also known as "The Butchers of Bakersville", it is estimated that they have killed over 200 people in their bloody career. Their real first names are not known, as they were given their nicknames early in their career when they opened fire on a high level meeting of tv spinoff cereal mascots with their trademark thompson submachine guns. They have even been known to pose in commercials with them.

-Luigi "The Captain" Crunch
Not so much a member of the mafia as an ally, he is a dictator who has taken over Crunchland. He systematically murders the crunchlings who he rules, and harvests their bodies for use in his cereal. He has since evaded human rights inspectors by claiming the "crunch berries" come from "crunch berry trees". He also has run a disinformation campaign against the CLO (crunchling liberation army), portraying them as green monsters.

I hope I have raised awareness of this criminal organization, and the threat it poses to society.

-The marshmallow man"

Honey Bunches of Oats.

I found out that it is cheaper at Target than it is at the grocery store.

Safeway sells it for 4 bucks a box, Target sells it for 2 bucks.

That Attack of the Clones Cereal. Reminded me of Pac Man cereal. That is the shit. Count Chocula too.

RedImperator wrote:

Ghost Rider wrote:Well Purple Horseshoes also isn't a part of the original design .

But yeah...why all the weirdo shapes....or does anyone remember the whale?

But a horseshoe is exactly what you'd expect to find in a cereal called LUCKY CHARMS.

Pink hearts: Finding love is often a matter of luck.

Orange stars, yellow moons: In many human cultures, the stars and the moon and their interaction with each other can be portents of good luck.

Green clovers: Does this need to be explained?

Blue diamonds: This one is sorta iffy, I'll admit. But if I found a diamond, I'd certainly call it lucky. And if you haven't already noticed, the six marshmallows are the color of the rainbow, so you could say that the marshmallows taken together form a seventh lucky charm, and of course, seven is often considered a fortutious number, especially in Las Vegas (where a diamond can be very lucky if there's ten of them and you've got three others with pictures of royalty and one other with the letter "A").

Purple horseshoes: completes the rainbow, and horseshoes are also lucky.

Now let's see what they've done with their fuckery:

Red balloons: How are balloons lucky? I can ride in a balloon for ten bucks at the Philadelphia Zoo. If they needed red, they could have just darkened the heart, but even that isn't really necessary, considering the pastel shades they used for the other marshmallows except the horseshoe, probably because pastel purple would be indistinguishable from either the pink heart or the pastel blue diamond. So they've fucked up the rainbow formed by the marshamallows and ruined the subtle "six charms plus the rainbow makes seven" symbolism by bringing the total number of symbols to eight. Now, I consider eight to be MY lucky number, but it really has no significance to the rest of the world.

Pots of gold: while I would have no objection to a pot of gold charm should it have been introduced in place of, say, the yellow moons, what those hatfuckers have done is consolidated the yellow (turning the blue charm into a moon, perhaps the only positive move they've made) and the orange. While losing the star, a much more significant symbol than pots of gold in the mythology of luck, was bad enough, we've even more thoroughly wrecked the original symmetry of the six charms. This would bring us back down to six charms, but since the color symmetry has been broken, it doesn't matter.

Rainbows: apparently someone at General Mills realized they'd ruined the carefully constructed symbolism of the original six marshmallow lineup, they introduced a rainbow piece. While I would not object to the addition of a rainbow to the original lineup as a sort of avatar for the symbolic rainbow formed by the other six pieces, in the current mess they've made of Lucky Charms, it's a band-aid slapped on a severed leg.

EDIT: The temporary marshmallows, like the whales or the pine trees or whatever else some marketing schmuck dreamed up are not addressed here, as they are utterly beneath contempt.

wow. youve taken a simple yet delicious cereal and brought meaning to it....i will never be able to eat lucky charms the same way again. ok...i lied. i will.

anyone remember the Ghostbusters or the Sunday Funnies(i think that was the name) cereals....that was some good shit. plus Cal reminded me of Pac-Man. mmmmmm....Pac-Man.

I would also have to answer, NONE, no, what you need is a whiskey, bottom's up, every morning

theski wrote:Local radio station had this on this morning. Did a search could not find another thread. MODS lock it if its been done.

1. Fruity pebbles
2. Fruit loops with marshmellows
3. Golden Grahams
4. BOO berry
5. Quisp

cinnimon toast crunch, but I can go through a box in a day.
raisin bran - let the milk soak it for 10 minutes, and it has the consistency of swamp moss. yummy.

Enforcer Talen wrote: raisin bran - let the milk soak it for 10 minutes, and it has the consistency of swamp moss. yummy.

eewwww...i tend to eat rasin bran fast to keep that from happening

heh, I like it that way. If I wanted crunchiness, Id cook toast.

Enforcer Talen wrote:heh, I like it that way. If I wanted crunchiness, Id cook toast.

LoL. can i just say once again...eewwww.

sogginess is a quality I demand from my cereal!

Enforcer Talen wrote:sogginess is a quality I demand from my cereal!

eewwww

LoL

ill pour more cereal into the bowl to counter act the soggy cereal.
i guess the cereal experience is different for everyone.

oh sure, Ill add more cereal. . . but only cuz Im hungry. then I add milk.

I cant think of a cereal off hand that I prefer crunchy.

I like Coco Pops.

Stampede wrote:wow. youve taken a simple yet delicious cereal and brought meaning to it....i will never be able to eat lucky charms the same way again. ok...i lied. i will.

Red Impertor brand Bullshit(TM): Bringing a little bit of meaninglessness into everyone's life, one post at a time.

When I find something I like I stick with it, so the only cereal that I've bought in the last 5 years is "Alpen".