Fuzzy for President!

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:49pm

Chardok wrote:Fuzzy is nothing but a warmongerel! Where stands he on tax cuts and the budget?! Heathcliff is a much better choice!

Oh yeah? September 11!

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2004-09-02 03:51pm

lol

In Dog we Trust

Lord Woodlouse · Post by **Lord Woodlouse** » 2004-09-02 03:54pm

I'm pretty sure Bush already does the first three well enough.

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 03:56pm

Lord_Woodlouse wrote:I'm pretty sure Bush already does the first three well enough.

Yes, but Fuzzy combines those themes with Kerry's "not Bush" theme to create the best of both worlds. Vote Fuzzy!

Post by **Kuja** » 2004-09-02 04:09pm

Hell. Considering the options this year, I really would vote for Fuzzy if he were offered. God bless the USA, or should I say God help us all?

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-09-02 04:20pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Chardok wrote:Fuzzy is nothing but a warmongerel! Where stands he on tax cuts and the budget?! Heathcliff is a much better choice!
Oh yeah? September 11!

Argument 2:

but Clinton.....

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2004-09-02 05:10pm

How does Fuzzy respond to allegations that he is not fit to serve because he did poorly in obedience school?

Perinquus · Post by **Perinquus** » 2004-09-02 05:41pm

What's Fuzzy's service record? Has he ever served his country. If fuzzy is currently living in Canada, I think we can't overlook the strong possibility that fuzzy absconded north of the border to avoid his mandatory selective service registration.

I think we havew a strong rival candidate in Apache.

He's one of our K-9 dogs, currently resident in the continental U.S., and has given several years of service biting criminals. Clearly, he's a more ideal candidate to lead this country in the war on terror.

Marksist · Post by **Marksist** » 2004-09-02 07:12pm

Fuzzy is less concerned about proper American spelling and diction than he is with stopping the development of terrorist nucular weapons programs around the world.

Well Fuzzy has my vote, he is the type of guy I'd like to have a beer with, he is just like me with my poor grammar, awkward speaking skills, and is a paragon on anti-intellectualism. Since it's cool to not be intelligent in the U.S.

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2004-09-02 07:20pm

Sorry, but the Constitution clearly states that no foreign born "person" may become president of the US.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-09-02 07:22pm

Perinquus, a question about your candidate. Many beltway insiders are claiming that your candidate keeps repeating the same solution to a vast range of problems, that being grabbing the problem in his jaws and not letting go, violently shaking it if it's small enough. They criticize this as inflexible and risks alienating the European Union and Japan, who think that a candidate that refuses to share the shaking, for example, of a rope with several knots tied in it is imperialistic and too unilateral. How does your candidate respond?

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-09-02 07:23pm

The Kernel wrote:Sorry, but the Constitution clearly states that no foreign born "person" may become president of the US.

As might says, Fuzzy was born in America, thus is a citizen of the United States.

The Kernel · Post by **The Kernel** » 2004-09-02 07:24pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:
The Kernel wrote:Sorry, but the Constitution clearly states that no foreign born "person" may become president of the US.
As might says, Fuzzy was born in America, thus is a citizen of the United States.

Oops, missed that point. Well, granting that, he gets my vote.

Post by **Ghost Rider** » 2004-09-02 07:32pm

Now before I give Fuzzy my vote...what is his particular stance on taxes and the economy?

Perinquus · Post by **Perinquus** » 2004-09-02 07:44pm

Gil Hamilton wrote:Perinquus, a question about your candidate. Many beltway insiders are claiming that your candidate keeps repeating the same solution to a vast range of problems, that being grabbing the problem in his jaws and not letting go, violently shaking it if it's small enough. They criticize this as inflexible and risks alienating the European Union and Japan, who think that a candidate that refuses to share the shaking, for example, of a rope with several knots tied in it is imperialistic and too unilateral. How does your candidate respond?

To that, I would respond that that is a slight distortion of his record. Apache does not invariably deal with problems by resorting to a bite. Very often he merely barks, and the mere threat of his bite is frequently sufficient to deter agression. Moreover, like any good canine, he is every bit as capable of urinating on a given spot as his opponent. What's more, as Apache patrols an entire city, he urinates on a much broader territory than his opponent, and this, I would argue, gives him a much greater range of experience.

And finally, to those who say my candidate is too ready to resort to chomping on things, I would remind them that this has proven to be a very effective tactic in each case where it was employed, and we are undoubtedly safer today because Apache will not hesitate to bite when necessary. I think we should not let the fears of the European Union or of Japan unduly influence our decisions. We are, of course, anxious to maintain good relations with our allies. But at the same time, we must recognize that we have to take responsibility for our own security, and cannot let ourselves have our policies dictates by other nations, whose interests may be very different from our own. We are, after all, the biggest and most powerful nation on earth. I think it will serve us very well, at this critical time in history, to have a strong leader, who is unafraid to take decisive action in the interests of our nation, and go out and bite people.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-09-02 08:07pm

From the office of the President of France:

"Eet ees an outrage! Zee candidates for zee American presidency are unilateraleest warmongrels who would go eet alone and poleece zee world! Zey will cause sereeous rameeficat-ee-ons for relations with Fraunce! Zey are uncouth, pee vere zey will with reckless deesregard for zee feeling of others! Zey will destroy zee world!"

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2004-09-02 08:10pm

sorry I just remember the chinese leader (the wrinkly one)

Perinquus · Post by **Perinquus** » 2004-09-02 08:12pm

Gil Hamilton wrote: French Poochie

It is enitely appropriate that dogs which look like this should come from France.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-09-02 08:13pm

The Yosemite Bear wrote:sorry I just remember the chinese leader (the wrinkly one)

Shar-Peis, but I think the Chinese president should be a Shih-Tzu.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-09-02 08:24pm

Perinquus wrote:It is enitely appropriate that dogs which look like this should come from France.

Heh heh, yeah.

Actually, to be fair to the dogs and poodles in general, the particular rediculous haircut and appearance of the dog was invented by the English, not the French, it being an "English Saddle" cut and it used to have a practical purpose back when poodles were renowned water dogs (still are). Poodles are actually awesome dogs, even the little ones, and are amazingly intelligent. However, Poodles are the national dog of France, so only a Poodle could be president given how puffed up and self-important they look.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2004-09-02 08:27pm

Now we just need an emasculated bull dog for Tony Blair, some German Sheppard for suprise "Germany", & some wolfhound to be Putin.....

Lord of the Farce · Post by **Lord of the Farce** » 2004-09-02 08:32pm

Returning from it's attempt to get the Congressional seat in New Jersey's 11th District as a write-in candidate on both the Democrat and Republican Party ballots in the June 6 (2000) primary, the FICUS!!!

The Ficus will accept no campaign contributions. All it needs is air, sunlight, and water.
"And a little fertilizer, should find plenty of in Washington." -Michael Moore

---

"The choice is simple - hot air or oxygen? I've seen a lot of politicians lie, cheat, steal, and use improper syntax. I have never met one who can perform photosynthesis." -Michael Moore

"Vote for the future of Earth and all that lives on it, vote for Photosynthesis!" -Lord of the Farce

Rogue 9 · Post by **Rogue 9** » 2004-09-02 08:46pm

Post by **Darth Wong** » 2004-09-02 08:51pm

Perinquus wrote:[Apache is] one of our K-9 dogs, currently resident in the continental U.S., and has given several years of service biting criminals. Clearly, he's a more ideal candidate to lead this country in the war on terror.

What about the harsh allegations leveled in the new political ads by K-9 Unit Veterans for Truth? They say that Apache served only a small fraction of his term of service and retired early after an exceedingly minor injury to his right front paw, received after stepping on a piece of beer bottle at a childrens' playground.

Perinquus · Post by **Perinquus** » 2004-09-02 09:01pm

Darth Wong wrote:
Perinquus wrote:[Apache is] one of our K-9 dogs, currently resident in the continental U.S., and has given several years of service biting criminals. Clearly, he's a more ideal candidate to lead this country in the war on terror.
What about the harsh allegations leveled in the new political ads by K-9 Unit Veterans for Truth? They say that Apache served only a small fraction of his term of service and retired early after an exceedingly minor injury to his right front paw, received after stepping on a piece of beer bottle at a childrens' playground.

Their accusations are distortions based on their envy of his service record. We are also investigation allegations that they are receiving financial support from the Fuzzy campaign. I call upon Fuzzy to show his honesty and integrity by denouncing these spurious charges.

Apache also objects to this attack, as his injury was serious, but not career ending - the injury itself was minor, but it was on the walking surface of his paw, and since dogs don't wear shoes, it was difficult to keep the wound clean, so infection set in. After suitable treatment, and a period of physical therapy, he is back and ready for action!

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Fuzzy for President!

Because a potted plant can do no harm!