50 Reasons LOTR sucks

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2002-11-12 02:50am

Gandalf wrote:Quote:

Legolas shoots arrow after arrow at his enemies, and yet the number of arrows in his quiver never decreases. I guess elves have glands on their back that secrete arrows.

IG-88E: Actually, I wondered about that one myself.
It says in the book and is generally excepted that he picks up arrows as he goes along

I liked the gland explanation better...

mantakai · Post by **mantakai** » 2002-11-12 02:57am

omg after reading through these posts im shocked at how stupid some ppl are, for one, the book was a great book and considered as such by lots of ppl, and secondly, it is a fantasy book which means it DOESNT HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, it deals with magic hence the ring can shrink and many other things, if u actually read the book ud understand most of it ....der

Post by **Edi** » 2002-11-12 03:39am

Believe it or not, even if that list was written as a joke, over half of the stuff in it comes from a real petition to get Two Towers banned by a fucktard´named Kevin Klerck. I saw that petition, and it was really fucked up beyond all reason and then some. The reason they started the petition in the first place was because the idiot thought that it was distasteful and a ripoff of the 9/11 tragedy and mocking the victims to name the movie Two Towers...

The place I learned of that horror in the fist place:
http://www.heavengames.com/cgi-bin/foru ... 4445,0,all

The location of the actual horror itself:
http://www.petitiononline.com/twotower/

Location of antidote to the horror, namely a counter petition:
http://www.petitiononline.com/trutower/

Quote from the counter-petition:
118. Natalie:
These people are like the ones who went to Anthrax's (the band) site and inundated them with email demanding they change their name, and how dare they capitalize on the anthrax scares...not bothering to check the facts, otherwise they would have found that Anthrax formed in the mid-80s. There is no excuse for this kind of stupidity when five minutes of research will get one the truth.

Warning: Further down the post there are several concentrations of anti-logic, stupidity and just plain retardedness that are liable to cause your brain cells to commit mass suicide, all gleaned from the first idiotic petition. Proceed at your own risk.

Choice quotes of horror:

#818. C. Hart:
I think it would be best, in light of recent events, if the film was simply not shown at all. And by "recent events" I mean "that fucking awful first Lord of the Rings film." [Die, heretic!]

#823. Nicole Kane: How very cheap and distasteful -shame!

#843. Tomas Martez:
It is horrible that New Line is trying to profit off of 9/11. Please help stop them!

#862. Harry Beckerman:
Thanks for fucking up this petion you morons! I hear he's gonna rename it any way! So, you lose! [at this point there were roughly twenty or so real signatures, the rest had been voided for blasting him for being a fucktard]

#922. Scott Masullo:
you should not make that the title you capitalistic fuck face [this guy needs to be educated with baseball bat]

#932. Sean Curtin:
Whoever this Tolkein guy is, he's an insensitive ashole if he's making a movie with a title like that. I'll bet he's not even American!! What gives him the right!!!! [fucktard, lmao!]

#1019. Sam Jackson:
Won't somebody think of the children? [What was he smoking?]

#1069. Amanda Swanson:
I can't believe the insensitivity of some people in this petition. The least New Line can do is postpone the movie for a while so that the country had time to grieve. Have they no shame!?

#1074. Agnes:
A subscription has been entered in your name to the Clue of the Month Club. [He must have voided a thousand signatures by this point, and he still didn't get the clue!]

#1076. Sigmund Wonder:
Oh thank you so much for this. Those shameless moneymongers care for nothing but themselves. Baby Jesus cries every day because of them. Every single day. Could you please start a petition to stop those fascist police from using 911 as their phone number too? That is also something that bothers me. [Looks like this one slipped under Klerck's sarcasm detector because he didn't void it. Idiot...]

#1079. Paul Shrug:
I, too, was galled, shocked and disoriented upon learning of the cynically crass title of Mr. Jackson's new film. I would also like to start a petition to rename Steven Spielberg's "Minority Report" because of its blatant insult to people of color. Also, the upcoming film "About A Boy" is a clear endorsement of pedophilia. I am also deeple troubled at the subtitle of the new "Star Wars" installement, "Attack of the Clones." This scandalous title is a none-too-subtle implication that scientifically duplicated humans or other animals are violent and hostile in nature -- clearly an affront to copied citizens everywhere. We shall make no progress until Hollywood stems its insensitivity to those factions of society it chooses not to understand. As an avid filmgoer, I shall shed many tears until these senseless titles cease. [He didn't notice the sarcasm in this one either, so it wasn't voided... Fucktard.]

#1084. matt beggs:
THOSE INSENSITIVE BASTERDS. THE ATTACKS ON SEPTEMBER 11 HAVE AFFECTED ME VERY DEEPLY. IF THIS ASS HOLE IS ALLOWED TO KEEP THIS TITLE, I WILL KILL MYSELF. JESUS CHRIST, I STILL CANT LOOK AT THE NUMBER 11 WITH OUT CRYING. SEE, I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW. I'M ALSO TO AFRAID TO CALL THE POLICE. THEIR NUMBER (WHICH I WILL NAME XXX FOR NOW) SCARES ME, IF I WAS IN AN EMERGANCY, I WOULD NOT DIAL XXX FOR FEAR OF FARTHER RETALIATION FROM THOSE SCARY TERRORISTS. PLEASE TAKE THESE CORPORATE BASTERDS DOWN FOR EXPLOITING THE STILL OPEN WOUNDS OF PATRIOTIC AMERICANS EVERYWHERE. LONG LIVE THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, WHICH I LIVE, AND WOULD DIE FOR. AMERICA!!!! w00t! ps. please save my internet access

[He should put himself out of our misery...]

#1088. Stacy Badum:
I heard about this petition from someone in my weekly prayer groups. I whole-heartedly support you in your worthy cause.

#1102. Paul:
they have no sensitivity, i wont even let my two twin kids stand next to each other out of respect for 9/11 [WTF?! lmao!]

#1128. Omid:
TOLKIEN WAS A PROFIT, HE PREDICTED WTC BOMBING 47 YEARS BEFORE THE FACT, AND THE THIRD MOVIE IS RETURN OF THE KING. JESUS IS COMING BACK YOU HAD BETTER RECOGNIZE

#1146. cathy clinton:
i pray every day that mr jackson will see the light and pull the plug on this project. Mr Tolkien if that is his indead his real name does not seem to be a very christian person to be so cynically cashing in on this tragedy. [Buy a clue?]

That's it, folks. The last entry voided by the author of the petition was #1166, reading anything after that is liable to blow your sarcasm detector to the orbit of Jupiter or beyond, with only occasional examples of stupidity mixed in.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

Edi

Frank Hipper · Post by **Frank Hipper** » 2002-11-12 05:52am

It's like reading the mail at Landover Baptist, the people that don't realise that it's a parody site are funny, but the ones that send actual congratulations scare the yellow piss out of me.

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2002-11-12 09:25am

mantakai wrote:omg after reading through these posts im shocked at how stupid some ppl are, for one, the book was a great book and considered as such by lots of ppl, and secondly, it is a fantasy book which means it DOESNT HAVE TO MAKE SENSE, it deals with magic hence the ring can shrink and many other things, if u actually read the book ud understand most of it ....der

Ok mr. moderators, very funny posing as a newbie saying stupid things. This has been done to death

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2002-11-12 09:36am

Anyway, David Wong has issued a formal apology, the link is here:

http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/fil ... ology.html

Rathark · Post by **Rathark** » 2002-11-12 09:51am

Darth Wong wrote:I still remember one idiot in the local paper lambasting "Apollo 13" because they couldn't possibly have had all of those problems and survived).

"Apollo 13? Why should I go and see THAT for!? I haven't even seen Apollo 1 yet!"

(OK, so I made it up; but I'll bet you my left testicle that someone has already said those very words at a video rental somewhere in the world ...)

Crown · Post by **Crown** » 2002-11-12 10:14am

Edi I read the petition, and like the first 428 'signatures' were 'false entry - disqualified'. My god, and then some dick on the 'latest' page actually says; 'Who is this JR Tolkien person? He isn't apart of the movies! And if anyone of you little cowards wish to actually use their 'real' name then you may email me here....'

I nearly fell off my chair!

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-11-12 01:18pm

Edi wrote:#932. Sean Curtin:
Whoever this Tolkein guy is, he's an insensitive ashole if he's making a movie with a title like that. I'll bet he's not even American!! What gives him the right!!!!

Urge for villany rising...

MKSheppard · Post by **MKSheppard** » 2002-11-12 01:20pm

IG-88E wrote: Urge for villany rising...

Fool. You have no idea how mad I am that Kevin J Anderson
butchered 20,000 Leagues under the sea....

Uraniun235 · Post by **Uraniun235** » 2002-11-12 02:30pm

I chuckle at the thought of the boys at Something Awful doing a "TruthMedia" review of LOTR... Iggy would probably have a stroke.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2002-11-12 02:33pm

Uraniun235 wrote:I chuckle at the thought of the boys at Something Awful doing a "TruthMedia" review of LOTR... Iggy would probably have a stroke.

If where lucky.

Lex · Post by **Lex** » 2002-11-12 03:48pm

The wise old wizard character was stolen from Harry Potter.

If anyone stole anything, the reverse is it

LOTR was written be4 Harry Potter.....IG, u confused me with that sentance

Post by **Kuja** » 2002-11-12 03:50pm

Sea Skimmer wrote:
Uraniun235 wrote:I chuckle at the thought of the boys at Something Awful doing a "TruthMedia" review of LOTR... Iggy would probably have a stroke.
If where lucky.

*thawp*

LOTR was written be4 Harry Potter.....IG, u confused me with that sentance

That was my point. How did that confuse you?

ElBlanco · Post by **ElBlanco** » 2002-11-12 04:08pm

Edi wrote:#818. C. Hart:
I think it would be best, in light of recent events, if the film was simply not shown at all. And by "recent events" I mean "that fucking awful first Lord of the Rings film." [Die, heretic!]

I did like the film, but thought that comment was damn funny.

#1019. Sam Jackson:
Won't somebody think of the children? [What was he smoking?]

Thats an obscure Simpsons reference. Your born in radar should have found it.

#1084. matt beggs:
THOSE INSENSITIVE BASTERDS. THE ATTACKS ON SEPTEMBER 11 HAVE AFFECTED ME VERY DEEPLY. IF THIS ASS HOLE IS ALLOWED TO KEEP THIS TITLE, I WILL KILL MYSELF. JESUS CHRIST, I STILL CANT LOOK AT THE NUMBER 11 WITH OUT CRYING. SEE, I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW. I'M ALSO TO AFRAID TO CALL THE POLICE. THEIR NUMBER (WHICH I WILL NAME XXX FOR NOW) SCARES ME, IF I WAS IN AN EMERGANCY, I WOULD NOT DIAL XXX FOR FEAR OF FARTHER RETALIATION FROM THOSE SCARY TERRORISTS. PLEASE TAKE THESE CORPORATE BASTERDS DOWN FOR EXPLOITING THE STILL OPEN WOUNDS OF PATRIOTIC AMERICANS EVERYWHERE. LONG LIVE THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, WHICH I LIVE, AND WOULD DIE FOR. AMERICA!!!! w00t! ps. please save my internet access
[He should put himself out of our misery...]

I think that might be sarcasm. It is a little murky

#1102. Paul:
they have no sensitivity, i wont even let my two twin kids stand next to each other out of respect for 9/11 [WTF?! lmao!]

See my previous comment

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2002-11-12 04:44pm

Iggy, I don't know if you make me laugh, for the stupidity of humanity, or cry, for the stupidity of humanity.

Master of Ossus · Post by **Master of Ossus** » 2002-11-12 06:08pm

I loved the part when he talks about how the human character (singular) in the movie is played by two different actors, and how one has black hair and the other has red hair. He apparently didn't notice that there were TWO human characters in the book AND the movie. If he had watched closely, he might have even noticed that they talk to each other consistently throughout the movie. Boromir and Aragorn are both human, but that fact apparently slipped under his radar.

Slartibartfast · Post by **Slartibartfast** » 2002-11-12 08:22pm

Master of Ossus wrote:I loved the part when he talks about how the human character (singular) in the movie is played by two different actors, and how one has black hair and the other has red hair. He apparently didn't notice that there were TWO human characters in the book AND the movie. If he had watched closely, he might have even noticed that they talk to each other consistently throughout the movie. Boromir and Aragorn are both human, but that fact apparently slipped under his radar.

You too, MoO?

I'm surprised how many people say "I know it is a joke, but the facts are all wrong." Just listen to yourself.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

50 Reasons LOTR sucks

Re: 50 Reasons LOTR sucks