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Of course, Metallica had that one song, "Creeping Death." That could be Christian or Jewish.

If anyone is a sock puppet, it would have to be Satan, me thinks.

Superman wrote:Of course, Metallica had that one song, "Creeping Death." That could be Christian or Jewish.

If anyone is a sock puppet, it would have to be Satan, me thinks.

No shit sherlock. He was asking who's sock puppet Satan is...

darthdavid wrote:

Superman wrote:Of course, Metallica had that one song, "Creeping Death." That could be Christian or Jewish.

If anyone is a sock puppet, it would have to be Satan, me thinks.

No shit sherlock. He was asking who's sock puppet Satan is...

You're not a big-shot. Stop trying to act like one.

Anyway, if "Creeping Death" could be considered a Christian rock song, then I submit "Only the Good Die Young" by Billy Joel.

Durandal wrote:You're not a big-shot. Stop trying to act like one.

You have no right to whinge about anyone else being a pompus dick.

darthdavid wrote:

Durandal wrote:You're not a big-shot. Stop trying to act like one.

You have no right to whinge about anyone else being a pompus dick.

Very funny. Shut up.

There are a couple of Lifehouse songs that I like. *shrugs*

There are evidently a great many Christian rock bands that I would not have associated with Christianity.

I'll, uh, admit to liking some Evanescence. Which isn't the 'Christian hard rock' specified in the OP, but I do enjoy it.

Petrosjko wrote:I'll, uh, admit to liking some Evanescence. Which isn't the 'Christian hard rock' specified in the OP, but I do enjoy it.

Nothing horrible about that. It's pretty good stuff.

Durandal wrote:Nothing horrible about that. It's pretty good stuff.

I know. I like powerful musical arrangements, and they definitely qualify on that score.

I'm listening to 'Before the Dawn' right now.

How is Evanescence Christian rock? Did they have CDs before 'Fallen' that were religious, because I own that album and it isn't religious at all...

Zaia wrote:How is Evanescence Christian rock? Did they have CDs before 'Fallen' that were religious, because I own that album and it isn't religious at all...

Ann Lee is heavily Christian, though I don't know about the rest of the band. But just listen to the song "Tourniquet" sometime.

Durandal wrote:Ann Lee is heavily Christian, though I don't know about the rest of the band. But just listen to the song "Tourniquet" sometime.

You mean Amy Lee, and one religious song makes a Christian rock band?

I didn't even really notice until somebody pointed out the heavy Christian subtext of a lot of the songs in 'Fallen'.

Not that I really mind. Good music is good music.

Superman wrote:

No. Christian rock is really crappy music with retarded lyrics. Oh and btw, Jesus is cumming, spit or swallow?

Amen. Christian rock is the crappiest thing this side of Justin Timberlake. Give me a break.

I don't know about that. Its bad but then there's also (K)Rap.

Petrosjko wrote:I'll, uh, admit to liking some Evanescence. Which isn't the 'Christian hard rock' specified in the OP, but I do enjoy it.

They have denied many times over that they are Christian rock.

And Lifehouse rocks! Their 2nd cd didn't have as many religious overtones. 3 Doors down is a Christian rock band? When did that happen?

Petrosjko wrote:

Durandal wrote:Nothing horrible about that. It's pretty good stuff.

I know. I like powerful musical arrangements, and they definitely qualify on that score.

I'm listening to 'Before the Dawn' right now.

My most favorite Evanescence is either Tourniquet or Bring Me To Life. Dunno', I just like any songs with a good, solid intro.

Petrosjko wrote:I didn't even really notice until somebody pointed out the heavy Christian subtext of a lot of the songs in 'Fallen'.

There are plenty of songs, especially love songs, that can be taken in either a religious or non-religious way. *shrugs* But if someone has to point out very subtle undertones and you really have to listen for it, then it can't be too effective as a religious song, can it?

Heh... I occasionally listen to Creed, but the only truely Christian song I listen to is Hugh Blumenfeld's Longhaired Radical Socialist Jew.

Singular Quartet wrote:Heh... I occasionally listen to Creed,

Not addressed to SQ, but since it was brought up...


In the spirit of the funniest game review ever. Choose your own adventure rant!

Creed is easily the most overplayed, worst piece of <Shit, Crap, Garbage, festering pile of 7 day old shit-encrusted haggis> ever. If I have to hear one more song by them that tells says <Come to, welcome to, I wanna be in> "this place", I'm going to throw up. The lead singer has all the vocal abilities of <a lone saxophone in a 6-inch sewer pipe, a yak's mating call, an overinflated whoopee cushion> and every single song that gets played on the radio sounds like it has <one set of background music with different words attached to it, Giraffes ass-ramming each other, a cuban revolutionist with a bullhorn>. Personally, In exchange for erasing Creed from my memory and being granted the ability to never hear their music again, I would gladly give my <Penis, Testicles, hands, leg, arm, eyes, immortal soul>, and I wouldn't miss it.

They pander to everything every single angsty <Teenager, teenybopper, dipshit, Steve Windwood fan> wants to hear. Oooh, <I wanna be in this place, my Girlfriend is pregnant, My heart is broken> How DEEP! How socially significant! How ORIGINAL! Personally, I think that Creed is responsible for the pervasiveness of <Teenage pregnancy, suicide, crack addiction> in all of american society. Just as an example:

Well I just heard the news today

Girlfriend meets him in the hall at school. "I'm late" she says.

It seems my life is going to change

Boy: Oh, shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

I closed my eyes, begin to pray

Boy: PLEEEEEASE god, help me out this ONE TIME, PLEASE don't let her be pregnant. Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit!!!!

Then tears of joy stream down my face

The boy gradually accepts the fact that his carefree life as he knows it is over. "I'm fucking screwed" He thinks with a chuckle, realizing how ironic it is that he thought of that particular cliche.

With arms wide open

The boy realizes he's never going to get rid of this bitch. This line represents his acceptance of her and all her weight gain, stretch marks, bon-bon eating.

At least for the moment.

Under the sunlight

At night time, all bets are off. "Honey, I'll be at the bar."

Welcome to this place

HA! What did I tell you? Typical Creed bullshit. Welcome to this place. Tell me, you Eddie Vedder imitator, where the fuck exactly is "This place"? I surmise it's probably the happy couple's brand new 1972 model single wide they are renting for 200 bucks a month.

I'll show you everything

Pretty easy to see everything when your head's just exploded. Probably from listening to this tripe.


With arms wide open
With arms wide open

Aww, isn't THIS precious? reguritation! *sniff sniff* What's that I smell? Oh yes, more angst. PANDER PANDER PANDER. Welcome to the Jungle this is not.

Well I don't know if I'm ready

This goes back to "OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT!" Trust me, Johnny Quarterback you're ready. Anyone can flip a burger. better start packing on the overtime.

To be the man I have to be

It IS tough to be a man at 16, huh?

I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side

Despite everything...

We stand in awe, we've created life

This line is actually comical. Here, our heroic lead singer actually thinks that a condom breaking and a 2 minute fuck session means they created life. BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's hilarious, and almost makes the song worth listening to.

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open

Why do I keep hearing charlie Brown's teacher in my head?

Now everything has changed

Uh oh, trboule in paradise. It's a few years later, and Johnny Quarterback isn't liking the direction his life is taking. His once beautiful prom queen is now laying on the couch watching maury and eating leftover french fries he brings home from work every night. She's gained at LEAST 150 pounds and now looks like she dribbles over the couch cushions. To be honest, she looks like something he poured out while cleaning the milkshake machine.

I'll show you love
I'll show you everything

Oh dear. Johnny quarterback isn't taking responsibility like he used to. There's a bit of resentment, I think. He's going to show her a thing or two. Teach HER to ruin his life, that lazy little cum sponge.

With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything ...oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open

Blah blah blah. At least they didn't welcome me to "This place"

[Guitar Break]

Here we hear the stock creed guitar lick played over and over and over and over and over. You get the picture. Excuse me while I stick my head into a bucket of ammonia and take a deep breath.

If I had just one wish
Only one demand

Hoo, boy. Things are uuuug-LEE now. he grabs his shotgun.

I hope he's not like me

Not that Johnny will be around to know what happens.

I hope he understands
That he can take this life

So sad to see johnny quarterback some to this. He obviously cant take it anymore. it's 2005, and he's still flipping burgers, though now he is a shift leader, thank god. I think he's just had it with his 1984 Ford Pickup breaking down all the time, the 9 dogs and the 1972 singlewide. God, he could have played for the vikings for crissake...

And hold it by the hand[/]

Indeed. He finally bestows a pearl of wisdom on his toddler. Don't be stupid, son. Keep it covered.

And he can greet the world
With arms wide open...

COLLEGE! THE THING I NEVER DID! Ready to face the corporate workplace! AAAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAH!!! NO COLLEGE FOR YOU, JOHNNY QUARTERBACK! Take one last look at your pet whale snoring on your air mattress, boy-oh! Make your peace!

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
With arms wide open
I'll show you everything..oh yeah
With arms wide open....wide open


Sadly, Johnny Quarterback was DOA. His whale found him in the driver's seat of the pickup truck. a garden hose run from the tailpipe to his barely cracked window, a bottle of prescription painkillers spilled on the passenger seat, a fifth of Jack Daniels, and a discharged shotgun his only companions. Her First thought was "How the hell could he afford a fifth of Jack?!"


Do you see how AWFUL this band is?! Damn kids'll listen to any old thing.

I like E Nomine, which is a catholic Metal/Techno band from germany, they sing in a combination of german and latin.

Soulfly bum God a bit, and I listen to them. Thecreech sent me a Living Sacrifice song that was cool too, and presumably they're a christian band. So I heartily recommend those.

Chardok wrote:

Singular Quartet wrote:Heh... I occasionally listen to Creed,

Not addressed to SQ, but since it was brought up...

Hey... I wasn't the first one who brought them up. And I mostly listen to them because they make good elevator music.


Oh, and I'd also like to return fire with this:

long-haired radical socialist Jew by Hugh Blumenfeld. Sure, it's folk, but fuck, it's the only good Christian music I've ever heard.


Well Jesus was a homeless lad
With an unwed mother and an absent dad
And I really don't think he would have gotten that far
If Newt, Pat and Jesse had followed that star

Refrain: So let's all sing out praises to
That long-haired radical socialist Jew

When Jesus taught the people he
Would never charge a tuition fee
He just took some fishes and some bread
And made up free school lunches instead
So let's all sing out praises to....

Refrain: So let's all sing out praises to
That long-haired radical socialist Jew

He healed the blind and made them see
He brought the lame folks to their feet
Rich and poor, any time, anywhere
Just pioneering that free health care
So let's all sing out praises to....

Refrain: So let's all sing out praises to
That long-haired radical socialist Jew

Jesus hung with a low-life crowd
But those working stiffs sure did him proud
Some were murderers, thieves and whores
But at least they didn't do it as legislators
So let's all sing out praises to....

Refrain: So let's all sing out praises to
That long-haired radical socialist Jew

Jesus lived in troubled times
the religious right was on the rise
Oh what could have saved him from his terrible fate?
Separation of church and state.
So let's all sing out praises to....

Refrain: So let's all sing out praises to
That long-haired radical socialist Jew

Sometimes I fall into deep despair
When I hear those hypocrites on the air
But every Sunday gives me hope
When pastor, deacon, priest, and pope
Are all singing out their praises to
Some long-haired radical socialist Jew.

Refrain: So let's all sing out praises to
That long-haired radical socialist Jew

They're singing out their praises to..oooo..oooo..
Some long-haired radical socialist Jew.

here´s a link to the jesusskins:

http://www.jesusskins.org/

they make religious skinhead rock.

I'm biased, mainly because my little brother has been in three Christian rock bands over the last 20 years. Only one "Under Authority" actually got (local) airplay, and toured from Florida to Upstate New York, and all the way out to Texas. They even had two non-label CDs and an agent in Nashville.

However, the band seperated because they couldn't leave their dayjobs and families to tour full time.
They were So Close to getting signed to a Label!