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Mr Bean wrote:Strip naked and run down the Main ST of your town

If you can't manage that you'll never be succesful with women

In a small town that tends to cause more problems than it solves. You won't be shy any longer, but you will be known as the streaker.

Darth Wong wrote:

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote:I'm extremely shy when it comes to approaching the ladies.

That is a very common problem.

Which is a shock to most people I know, because I constantly hear from either my mom, relatives, friends etc. How I am a good looking guy and I get lot's of positive reinforcement from people about that (and have been since I was little esp. from complete strangers). Whenever I see a girl I find attractive or when I get the vibe that a girl finds me appealing or if a girl approaches me, I freeze, My mind goes totally blank, my shyness kicks in, and I speak in two word sentences. I would say normally I am a talkative person who has a good personality and I'm funny (or try to be). How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

When you're talking to a pretty girl, try to think of her as a platonic friend rather than fantasizing about what she looks like naked. You'll find that your conversational skills improve if you can do this.

I do that, and actually have good friendships with some girls. My problem is in certain social areas, where a girl comes up to me, or vices versa I choke when it come to conversation.

One more tip: don't try too hard to be "cool". It's hard to come off as natural when you're worried about looking suave and sophisticated. Most likely, an attempt to look and act cool will only make her think you're a conceited asshole.

I don't try to, but I do try tocome across as friendly, and real as possible, I put up a vibe of kindness. I don't show off like a jackass, I am myself. I crack some jokes here and there.

While I think I am a good looking person, I don't really utilzie my looks like a narcissus, b/c I don't want to come off like one of those girly men, but I do try to look presentable, and have confidence.

I have the same problem too. I'm really really shy and whenever I talk to a girl, it's not that I am trying to act cool, I don't cause I know I'm not, it's that my mind goes completely and utterly blank and I can't think of a damn thing to talk about. I'm known around school as the really really smart guy(an overegsageration on their part, especially in english class, see the second and last word word in parenthesis) and so thats kinda has a negative effect on me trying to hook up with a chick. Also right now I only have one female friend, who I'd like to go out with, but she's said before that she doesn't date. I accually know why I am so shy(a chick in my Acedemic Decathalon class accually asked me why I was so shy in a circle interview to prep for competing), I think. From K to 4th grade I was the only white kid at my school, the outkast, no friends in school, and known really really really smart white kid(I accually think I was smarter back then than I am now, or just not chocked up on so very VERY much worthless video game information), and so for those years I didn't develop at all socially. Then I got switched to another district and stuck in a room full of prepies that I hated, and for the next 3 years until high school I was stuck in classes with most of them, again no real friends accually at the same school.

But on to the subject of getting rid of shyness, my friend has a idea that I may try out. Fucking with people. Occasionally we'll go to another high school and a couple of my friends will screw around with people, offensively coming on to chicks, doing incredibly embaressing stunts in front of people. Shit like that. I think I may try that out.

The best way is to talk with girls that you don't find particularly attractive until you are comfortable with them, then work your way up. A friend of mine in college once spent several weeks sitting in his dorm room talking to attractive women he saw in movies. After he could speak comfortably with Honey Rider (from the 007 film Doctor No), he knew he was ready to start going to parties. Try to find something that works for you, and then build your way up slowly. It may also help to have some of your friends around for those first few, casual conversations.

I used to have this problem myself. It takes a bit of positive-self-conditioning, like say telling yourself that you can do it.

BTW having a sister helps. Too bad I didn't.

Basically, now I don't give a fuck what they think, because nobody gives a fuck about how I think, so I just go out and say it. Of course, this is within reason, no going up to complete strangers and asking them if they want to make love like crazed weasels.

Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:I used to have this problem myself. It takes a bit of positive-self-conditioning, like say telling yourself that you can do it.

BTW having a sister helps. Too bad I didn't.

Basically, now I don't give a fuck what they think, because nobody gives a fuck about how I think, so I just go out and say it. Of course, this is within reason, no going up to complete strangers and asking them if they want to make love like crazed weasels.

The problem is when she is teaching the class.

I got over mine by just telling them, and putting my fears behind me, sinct they're going to say "no" anyway. Sure, they turn me down, but at least I know what they want. Perhaps, if I keep trying, I might get a date.

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:I got over mine by just telling them, and putting my fears behind me, sinct they're going to say "no" anyway. Sure, they turn me down, but at least I know what they want. Perhaps, if I keep trying, I might get a date.

What he said.

And if she is teaching a class, maybe you should try to confront her in an environment where the two of you are on a more equal footing.

hey, a friend just told me this interesting method.

you have to practice.
first we´ll have to classify the chicks.
a is best looking, f is worst looking girl
so we start of the training in situations which occur every day.
we start of with a superficial conversation in a public place such as a mall or something, maybe in a clothes shop.
ask a simple question which the girl (we start with c or d girls) cant answer with no or yes e.g. where is [insert place]?. this gives you time.

our expectations are really low. the only thing we want to do is get this question anwered -> contact to girl.

repeat this 15 times,

now we´re self confident enough to start a conversation with some random girl.

next stage:
go to a bar. drink a beer (not 10 like usually) to losen up. walk over to a girl and ask her again some question which she cant answer with yes or no. for example: i dont knw this town too well, can you recomend a good club?
get the answer and leave.

repeat 15 times (not necessarily on the same evening)

next stage would be to go to the bar again start the conversation and ask the girl to come along to the club before talking to her...

practice your way up like this until you get what you want to.

Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:I got over mine by just telling them, and putting my fears behind me, sinct they're going to say "no" anyway. Sure, they turn me down, but at least I know what they want. Perhaps, if I keep trying, I might get a date.

What he said.

And if she is teaching a class, maybe you should try to confront her in an environment where the two of you are on a more equal footing.

Uh, I don't follow. I never saw her except class and office times. Ah well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. And she was damn perfect for me to boot.

Just start talking, man. Try and get in her head. Ask her stuff like, "if you were a bird, what kind would you be?" or get philisophical....ask something like "If you spew in the woods, would a bear come along and shit on it?" and corny crap like that. You'd be surprised how often it gets a good response.

Be prepared to accept failure, but always, ALWAYS hope for the best. Once you start believing you will fail, you guarantee your failure. So don't buy into that "she's out of my league" crap. It's self-defeating, to an extent. Just keep your chin up, and keep believing that good things will happen no matter how much crap gets thrown at you. And don't try to get hung up over one girl. There are always others.

Just stay optimistic, and you'll come out fine.

Become very sleep deprived until your sense of judgement has gone straight to hell. Then you'll be able to avoid that whole negative feed back thing because, hell, you won't really care (well, at least this approach works with me!)

Go betweens only work occasionally and only on certian women. I've been the go-between for 12 people throughout my life, 4 worked, 7 didn't, 1 the girl showed far more interest in me then the friend I was trying to help. All in all I wouldn't go with go-betweens unless it seems like the girl is somewhat shy too (more popular or sociel people, I noticed, tend to shoot down go-between requests, not all but many that I've observed)

Just try to find a thought or topic that you can talk liberally of. Maybe come up with a couple of dorky (not the sexual ones or stupid ones, ones that are intentially dorky) pickup lines and try to make her laugh (humor is the best ice breaker, period). Once you've done that then just move on to topics of conversation that you have knowledge anchors in and finally just turn on the bravado after you've gained confidence (it gets easier after one initially breaks the ice). Hope this helps man, I'm pulling for you.

walk over to a girl and ask her again some question which she cant answer with yes or no. for example: i dont knw this town too well, can you recomend a good club?

She can still answer "NO".

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote:I'm extremely shy when it comes to approaching the ladies. Which is a shock to most people I know, because I constantly hear from either my mom, relatives, friends etc. How I am a good looking guy and I get lot's of positive reinforcement from people about that (and have been since I was little esp. from complete strangers). Whenever I see a girl I find attractive or when I get the vibe that a girl finds me appealing or if a girl approaches me, I freeze, My mind goes totally blank, my shyness kicks in, and I speak in two word sentences. I would say normally I am a talkative person who has a good personality and I'm funny (or try to be). How can I get over my shyness with the Ladies.

Don't feel bad about that. I was shy until around the age of 25. Best thing to do is go up to them, introduce yourself and ask them about themselves. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, and women are no different in that aspect. Let them do all the talking.

neoolong wrote:

Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:I got over mine by just telling them, and putting my fears behind me, sinct they're going to say "no" anyway. Sure, they turn me down, but at least I know what they want. Perhaps, if I keep trying, I might get a date.

What he said.

And if she is teaching a class, maybe you should try to confront her in an environment where the two of you are on a more equal footing.

Uh, I don't follow. I never saw her except class and office times. Ah well, I guess it wasn't meant to be. And she was damn perfect for me to boot.

At the end of class, start talking to her, about work thats due, etc... then working towards the more personal things.

Ted wrote:At the end of class, start talking to her, about work thats due, etc... then working towards the more personal things.

Tried that. Alas, it did not work. Ah well, I'm out of her class so no more fawning.

neoolong wrote:

Ted wrote:At the end of class, start talking to her, about work thats due, etc... then working towards the more personal things.

Tried that. Alas, it did not work. Ah well, I'm out of her class so no more fawning.

Damn that must suck

Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:

neoolong wrote:

Ted wrote:At the end of class, start talking to her, about work thats due, etc... then working towards the more personal things.

Tried that. Alas, it did not work. Ah well, I'm out of her class so no more fawning.

Damn that must suck

And she was the only thing keeping me awake in that class to.

neoolong wrote:

Evil Sadistic Bastard wrote:

neoolong wrote: Tried that. Alas, it did not work. Ah well, I'm out of her class so no more fawning.

Damn that must suck

And she was the only thing keeping me awake in that class to.

What class was it?

Ted wrote:What class was it?

Computer science. And it was an incredibly boring class. So you can see how good looking she must have been.

neoolong wrote:

Ted wrote:What class was it?

Computer science. And it was an incredibly boring class. So you can see how good looking she must have been.

Damn, did you get any pics of her? Like from a webcam or anything?

Ted wrote:

neoolong wrote:

Ted wrote:What class was it?

Computer science. And it was an incredibly boring class. So you can see how good looking she must have been.

Damn, did you get any pics of her? Like from a webcam or anything?

There are pictures on the Internet of her. But they suck. I'll try to find one if you really want to see.

She is a thinnish redhead. Damn pretty too. And had the same interests. Gah. Sucks.


And this is going off topic. You can start a new topic. Neoolong's Desire.

Next of Kin wrote:

walk over to a girl and ask her again some question which she cant answer with yes or no. for example: i dont knw this town too well, can you recomend a good club?

She can still answer "NO".

not really. everybody knows a couple of good places to go in the evening. of course she can still say "no" but we´ll just put that down to "random error" or something like that.

THEHOOLIGANJEDI wrote: [DeNiroImatation]You, talkin' to me? You talkin' to me?!?![/DeNiroImatation] I am actually an intelligent, talkative person. You've just hurt my feelings. Why are you so mean

There there. You'll get laid by hot chicks yet, I promise.

Darth Wong wrote: When you're talking to a pretty girl, try to think of her as a platonic friend rather than fantasizing about what she looks like naked. You'll find that your conversational skills improve if you can do this.

Words of wisdom. I have yet to have any 'success', though I came kinda close once- for this reason:

Don't get TOO platonic. If you never make a move and just act friendly- she will put you on the Friends list. Once you're on that list, the chances of moving over to the Romantic list are pretty darn low. There's a chance that the object of your affection is interested in you as well, but will be dismayed that you don't make a move, and quite frankly will lose interest.