StarDestroyer.Net BBS

OK...

[rant]
For a long time I too suffered from the "your a great guy - BUT..." syndrome. This shat me to tears and I think that everyone else who's had it happen to them will agree.

Since I came to uni I've made a lot of friends and I've had some great times, but my biggest concern was always: "If I ask/go out with one of them, will it fuck up the group?" Answer: "No, don't even think about it." Turns out that was a bad choice. Correct answer: "Yes, but make sure that it doesn't go down like the Hindenburg."

Earlier this year a really good circle of friends exploded in a spectacular fashion after someone slept with someone else and as such cheated on his girlfriend. That crime, though bad, is forgivable... BUT... the people involved despite ALL evidence to the contrary never admitted their crimes. Tensions rose, claims and counter-claims were made and well, it was messy. Needless to say, that group is now firmly up shit creek.

Later following much prodding, poking and downright bitchslapping from Zaia I *finally* asked out my gf, who for years had been a great friend. But I was paranoid that a) she didn't like me, b) I'd get the "your a great friend, but..." c) I'd fuck up a circle of friends. Turns out none of these happened. But I'm still concerned that if we do break up the group will suffer...

Moral of the story: Incestuous relationships within a social circle can be good. You should just be goddamn careful.

[/rant]

weemadando wrote:Later following much prodding, poking and downright bitchslapping from Zaia I *finally* asked out my gf, who for years had been a great friend. But I was paranoid that a) she didn't like me, b) I'd get the "your a great friend, but..." c) I'd fuck up a circle of friends. Turns out none of these happened. But I'm still concerned that if we do break up the group will suffer...

Moral of the story: Incestuous relationships within a social circle can be good. You should just be goddamn careful.

I understand the danger. I also understand how you are afraid that if you and Sar break up that the group will suffer. I just feel like, if your feelings are strong enough and last long enough to convince you that it's not just a passing thing, you owe it to yourself to at least try. Hence the beatings I gave you. And the beatings I gave her.

No relationships exist in a vacuum, though, so no matter what, people are going to be affected. I guess at our age (Bry and I are both 24), we should be able to deal with things maturely and not stomp off in hissy fits and make our friends choose between us. I don't know that we could work through a break-up, but knowing how much we mean to each other, I'd hope we'd at least try to stay friends.

Follow your heart, but tread lightly.

And yes, sometimes you have to hit us guys with 2x4s to get our attention

Every female I know starts out as a potential love interest. For the female to actually establish herself as a love interest would be completely up to her. There would have to be firm and clear communication on the matter, as I am fairly dense when picking up on a girl's potential interest in me. If I relegated you to the status of being a friend, your shot at a relationship with me is probably finished. I don't like ambiguity in my relationships, and I like to operate with firm boundaries established with friends family and other associates. But then again, I'm only speaking for myself and my own experience.

Zaia wrote:Guys: do you ever consider your female friends as potential love interests, or is that not acceptable? Obviously if you don't know them all that well there really isn't much to lose, but what about friends you've had for years and years? Do you sort of forget that they're female after you've been friends for X years, or is there always some sexual awareness there, deep down inside?

Straight chicks and guys who aren't into chicks, feel free to chime in; I just need lots of opinions from straight guys on this. I need all the help I can get on this one, really.

Hm. Everyone's a different case. There are several cute girls I know that I'm not interested in sexually and never will be. On the other hand, there are girls I'll lust after for decades.

Zaia wrote:Guys: do you ever consider your female friends as potential love interests, or is that not acceptable? Obviously if you don't know them all that well there really isn't much to lose, but what about friends you've had for years and years? Do you sort of forget that they're female after you've been friends for X years, or is there always some sexual awareness there, deep down inside?

Straight chicks and guys who aren't into chicks, feel free to chime in; I just need lots of opinions from straight guys on this. I need all the help I can get on this one, really.

Sure. I wouldn't rule out the possibility, especially for some asinine reason like 'We can't do that; we're friends'. It's wrong to try to force the relationship to fit into a slot based on what you call it. Better to look at all your various relationships and their properties and decide where those relationships can and should go based on that, not on some label.

Anyway, for me, I have no interest in getting together with a woman for the express purpose of possibly developing a romantic and/or sexual relationship with her. I would rather become friends with her first, then see where the relationship can go from there.

XaLEv wrote:Anyway, for me, I have no interest in getting together with a woman for the express purpose of possibly developing a romantic and/or sexual relationship with her.

That's because you're not married yet.

Zaia wrote:Guys: do you ever consider your female friends as potential love interests, or is that not acceptable? Obviously if you don't know them all that well there really isn't much to lose, but what about friends you've had for years and years? Do you sort of forget that they're female after you've been friends for X years, or is there always some sexual awareness there, deep down inside?

There is always SOME awarness but mroe often than not years of being friends will dull that awarness to the point that large quantities of alcohol would be neccessarry to liberate it. For myself a good friend of mine, her name is Kara, have been hanging out fo the last seven to eight years as best friends. I'll help her shop, she'll drive me home when I'm piss-ass drunk, etc. however she's engaged to someone else and despite the fact that he's in the Navy (and often deployed elsewhere) there is NO lingering sexual tension between us. We literally have become like brother and sister and we've often enough been known to be repulsed by some suggestions others have about the two of us largely because we are too close friends to be able to ever be physically close. yeah its strange but it can and does happen.

Nonetheless get enough alcohol in me and I'll admit that she can be pretty hot, and she is,...but that takes a lot of alcohol.

CmdrWilkens wrote:Nonetheless get enough alcohol in me and I'll admit that she can be pretty hot, and she is,...but that takes a lot of alcohol.

So, even though Kara is practically like a sister to you, the fact that she in fact is NOT your sister isn't completely lost, since you said that after enough alcohol you will admit that she can be hot. I think this is good news for me.

Bryan and I occasionally experience sexual tension--like when I was at his apartment and I said I couldn't have a drink because I needed to drive home and he pinned my wrists against the back of the couch, practically laid on top of me, force-fed me a bit of alcohol (he did this four times) and then told me I was spending the night at his place repeatedly (I don't drive even with the tiniest bit of alcohol in my blood). There was some intense eye contact (something I'm a sucker for) when he had his hand locked around my wrists, and I don't think I imagined the tension, but who knows; it may have just been in my head.....

Hmm...

Maybe. Sometimes, I guess. But I doubt that I would actually act on it or anything.

Spanky The Dolphin wrote:Hmm...

Maybe. Sometimes, I guess. But I doubt that I would actually act on it or anything.

What if she made the first move?

Btw, I love your new avatar. Great hair--mine's about that colour, but not nearly the length unfortunately. Rock on.

Hmm...

Then I probably would pursue a relationship with her, since I would be positive that she was interested.

Re: Avatar:
1. Thank you.
2. Lovely.

Zaia wrote:

CmdrWilkens wrote:Nonetheless get enough alcohol in me and I'll admit that she can be pretty hot, and she is,...but that takes a lot of alcohol.

So, even though Kara is practically like a sister to you, the fact that she in fact is NOT your sister isn't completely lost, since you said that after enough alcohol you will admit that she can be hot. I think this is good news for me.

Of course, maybe if we got enough liquor into Wilkens and put his actual sister in front of him he'd admit she was pretty hot, too.

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:Of course, maybe if we got enough liquor into Wilkens and put his actual sister in front of him he'd admit she was pretty hot, too.

LOL

*strokes chin thoughtfully* Of course, I hadn't thought of that possibility (ewwwwwww)....

Well, I'll echo what the other guy's have been saying.

All guys look at women as to their fuckability. From there, it gets weird a bit. Thats a given.

I've been going out with the same girl for over 3 years now which means that I've had 6 Christmasses with her WOOHOO!, so I wouldn't be much use in terms of getting together with someone you know pretty well, since all the girls that I'm friends with are mostly her friends, soI don't think I'd be able to get away with it, but then again, why would I?

One of my closest friends is a girl. Unfortunately I'm also extremely attracted to her but she's with someone else and I don't think she's interested in me so it's best to just repress it and hope someone who actually likes you the same way comes along *shrug*

Pfft small time...I've put enough liquor into friends that they hit on coats.

Enough amount of Liquor+man=hot upon regardless what you are.

The only factor to consider is whether or not the man has enough stamina persay.

LOL

Guys, I'm not asking if he'd find me hot if I got him loaded--I want to know, withOUT the aid of alcohol, if it's worth trying to see if he's attracted to me like I am to him.

Get into more situations just between the two of you...it works...even for the dullest of us

Shit why not. Hell, you can lurk around these boards or your friends house asking this and that, but it doesn't make a damn bit of difference until you ask. The only thing to do before that is ready yourself for a letdown since it is a possibility. However, don't like blurt out everything on the spot, that way things aren't too weird afterwards in the event of a flame out.

Zaia wrote:Guys: do you ever consider your female friends as potential love interests, or is that not acceptable? Obviously if you don't know them all that well there really isn't much to lose, but what about friends you've had for years and years? Do you sort of forget that they're female after you've been friends for X years, or is there always some sexual awareness there, deep down inside?

Straight chicks and guys who aren't into chicks, feel free to chime in; I just need lots of opinions from straight guys on this. I need all the help I can get on this one, really.

Why am I reminded of the stupid Movie Cliche rabout the girl overlooking her 'best freind' in favor of people who mistreat her, until the end of the movie where the title couple gets together?

Eh, I'm passive. I tend to go with the flow. It a frendship with a lady evolves, then so be it. if not, that's cool. But, the question is, if their is a nasty breakup, can you still be freinds? is it worth the risk? Ah, what the hell, why not.

Zaia wrote:Guys: do you ever consider your female friends as potential love interests, or is that not acceptable? Obviously if you don't know them all that well there really isn't much to lose, but what about friends you've had for years and years? Do you sort of forget that they're female after you've been friends for X years, or is there always some sexual awareness there, deep down inside?

Straight chicks and guys who aren't into chicks, feel free to chime in; I just need lots of opinions from straight guys on this. :? I need all the help I can get on this one, really.

Yes, yes I do. I prefer to get to know a potential love interest before I proposition them (or get them to the point where they'd proposition me.) Granted I've probably got it ass-backwards, but yes I do see female friends as potential love interests.

The Duchess of Zeon wrote:

Zaia wrote:

CmdrWilkens wrote:Nonetheless get enough alcohol in me and I'll admit that she can be pretty hot, and she is,...but that takes a lot of alcohol.

So, even though Kara is practically like a sister to you, the fact that she in fact is NOT your sister isn't completely lost, since you said that after enough alcohol you will admit that she can be hot. I think this is good news for me.

Of course, maybe if we got enough liquor into Wilkens and put his actual sister in front of him he'd admit she was pretty hot, too.

*puke*Not really likely*puke*

...she's a Rugby chick though so maybe I could introduce you two?

Zaia wrote:

CmdrWilkens wrote:Nonetheless get enough alcohol in me and I'll admit that she can be pretty hot, and she is,...but that takes a lot of alcohol.

So, even though Kara is practically like a sister to you, the fact that she in fact is NOT your sister isn't completely lost, since you said that after enough alcohol you will admit that she can be hot. I think this is good news for me.

All joking aside but most guys will say any woman not related to them (and a few who are) are hot with enough liquor. The amount tends to indicate whether its the stupor or the truth talking since in vino veritas

Bryan and I occasionally experience sexual tension--like when I was at his apartment and I said I couldn't have a drink because I needed to drive home and he pinned my wrists against the back of the couch, practically laid on top of me, force-fed me a bit of alcohol (he did this four times) and then told me I was spending the night at his place repeatedly (I don't drive even with the tiniest bit of alcohol in my blood). There was some intense eye contact (something I'm a sucker for) when he had his hand locked around my wrists, and I don't think I imagined the tension, but who knows; it may have just been in my head.....

Okay here's some critical things to review:

1) How drunk was HE
2) Other than hands on wrists (and other actions directly related to getting alcohol down your throat) how much physical contact was there
3) How much of that could be explained by shifting weight to suppor himself

Now the drunker he was (and actually also if he was 100% sober) the less likely it is that is means anything. However if he only had a drink or two in him (and he can hold his liquor) then it might mean something.

The more contact not neccessary to pin you down and get you drinking the mroe likely it is that there's some fire underneath.

Examine the contact, if it was breif adjustments then it means less than if it was extended pressure.

My analysis: If he was only a bit tipsy and made mroe contact than neccessary try to hint him along a little further (if that's what you want). Alternatively now that I am no longer temptably I am always available to drop by and just come in and tell him that he's a fool if he doesn't realize there is potential between you two.

CmdrWilkens wrote:All joking aside but most guys will say any woman not related to them (and a few who are) are hot with enough liquor. The amount tends to indicate whether its the stupor or the truth talking since in vino veritas

"And a few who are?" Ewwwwww...bleck.

Okay here's some critical things to review:

1) How drunk was HE

He'd had a few drinks and was buzzed but not full-on drunk.

2) Other than hands on wrists (and other actions directly related to getting alcohol down your throat) how much physical contact was there

I was sitting all the way on the left side of the couch, with my left foot tucked under my right leg (I was playing GTA3 ). He came over and straddled my right leg, leaned over to grab my wrists with his right hand to pin them to the back of the couch behind my left shoulder, and then tilted my head up with his other hand, which was holding the drink. I argued with him at first, because I had to drive home soon so I couldn't stay over, so there was some prolonged eye contact (which I love *drool*) and he told me that I was going to spend the night and then put the drink to my lips and made me drink some of it. The whole thing lasted about a minute, I suppose, but it happened four separate times.

3) How much of that could be explained by shifting weight to suppor himself

Don't know--you tell me.

Now the drunker he was (and actually also if he was 100% sober) the less likely it is that is means anything. However if he only had a drink or two in him (and he can hold his liquor) then it might mean something.

How do you figure? Why would it mean less if he was sober? He wasn't, but--???

My analysis: If he was only a bit tipsy and made mroe contact than neccessary try to hint him along a little further (if that's what you want). Alternatively now that I am no longer temptably I am always available to drop by and just come in and tell him that he's a fool if he doesn't realize there is potential between you two.

I think I will do that (hint more). Thank you for your help, sweetie. *kisses cheek*