Dangerous Fun In The House Of The Scorpion

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2003-05-12 03:16pm

Raoul Duke, Jr wrote: Hey... don't look so glum, soldier! Day Seven is just the last day of the Walking With Ghosts subseries. Dangerous Fun in the House of the Scorpion will go on long after Ghosts is done.

Oh, I know that. It's just that I've become quite attached to Walks With Ghosts. I shall anxiously await your future work.

When the TrekBBS trolls tried to take the fire out of this writer, they should've paid attention to the work. They didn't figure out what kind of guy I am.

Like a guy who manages to claw his way up from a self-admittedly deserved VI title to custom title status and being one of the most well-respected members of the board is going to be put down by a horde of trektards...

I still have trouble believing the VI part, btw. Talk about people can change...

EDITed because labelling the submit button 'submit' apparently isn't enough for the likes of me to NOT mistake it for the 'preview' button...

On the topic of the Dangerous Fun store, is there any change for a BLACK t-shirt? I really dig the way that scorpion logo looks white-on-black.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2003-05-12 04:33pm

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
BTW, Lady Tevar, I plan to do some shopping at the Dangerous Fun store myself. Khaki logo cap, maybe a nice frosted mug for my Killian's... the real project, though, is going to be finding some luscious young ladies to model the women's logo tank tops for a picture on the main site. Yeeaaahhh!!!

I'd volunteer, but I'm neither young nor luscious. You'd be looking for 20-somethings from Hooters for that job.

Still, for a free shirt, yeah I'd consider it.

GC · Post by GC » 2003-05-12 05:01pm

If I may be premited to make an unexpected comment, I actually think the "Walking With Ghosts" piace is pretty decent stuff. And it seems to get better as it goes along. In the early parts it semed to work a tiny bit hard on establishing a certian "attitude" rather than just observation but day six in particular seemed to rise above that.

You are not entirely untalanted at all. There's the potential for something memorable there.

But that's where I seem to disagree with most reviews, I find the "humorus" stuff to contrived by half. I don't mean to sound insulting but I think that the overworked attempt to demonstrate your are "edgy" and have an attitude works against what natural writing talant you have.

Maybe I'm reading it wrong and maybe you are going through life with that sort of "mad-on" attitutde. But I've seen EXACTLY see same sort of writing elsewhere and either there are more guys out there goingthrough life trying to be an "ass" and then writing about other people's reaction to it than I suspect, or it's an affected attitude in the writing rather than in real life.

Don't misunderstand, I don't mean to insult the way you chose to live your life. If these are transcriptions of actual events then I guess that's cool, but I've seen the stype elsewhere so that's what makes me think it's a contrivence to give the work "attitude" rather than a note-by-note report.

So I guess my point is, if you are just saying "This is what happened to me, period" then I guess that's fine, but I don't see anything noteworthy about it.
OTOH, if you are taking a mundane incident and puting an "edgy, attitude" on it then, IMHO, you display talant, albeit talant misapplied to give it edge rather than depth.

What impressed me about WWG, to the extent that I was impressed, was when it acchived depth, rather than "edge."

Just my 2 cents.
Probably the last guy you want an opinion from.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2003-05-12 05:07pm

GC, I have no clue if this is me not being a native speaker, me not being a writer, you not bothering to spellcheck, or simply you not making any sense whatsoever, but you're not making any sense whatsover.

Cap'n Hector · Post by **Cap'n Hector** » 2003-05-12 07:17pm

Batman wrote:On the topic of the Dangerous Fun store, is there any change for a BLACK t-shirt? I really dig the way that scorpion logo looks white-on-black.

You just discovered why it took so long for the store to get launched...I've been trying to find a place that does black shirts, and I've had no luck. If anyone has suggestions, please e-mail me...

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-12 07:36pm

Batman wrote:GC, I have no clue if this is me not being a native speaker, me not being a writer, you not bothering to spellcheck, or simply you not making any sense whatsoever, but you're not making any sense whatsover.

Well, I think he put some effort into making sense, Batman, and to a certain extent, he succeeded.

GC, believe it or not, the events in these articles actually have happened. Sometimes note-for-note as you read them, and sometimes not.

The interesting thing about life is that when action happens, it tends to happen all a-jumble, with very little linearity. If I tried to write things precisely as they happened, you wouldn't be able to read them -- the narrative would be an absolutely nonsensical mishmash of simultaneous thoughts, speech and actions. So, yes, to a certain extent the stories are "doctored" for readability.

But I am the protagonist in the work -- when you read those stories, you're riding in my head, seeing through my eyes, feeling the crush of the city... at least, you are if I'm doing it right. In short, I don't fake who I am in the stories. That's me. If it comes across as a weird cross between Mike Hammer and Bill Murray (one of my favorite comparisons) then that's just the way it is; there's nothing artificial added.

I'm glad you've been impressed with Walking. If you can manage to hang on here at SDN, there's more coming. If not, well... it all ends up on the Dangerous site sooner or later.

GC · Post by GC » 2003-05-13 12:30am

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
Batman wrote:GC, I have no clue if this is me not being a native speaker, me not being a writer, you not bothering to spellcheck, or simply you not making any sense whatsoever, but you're not making any sense whatsover.
Well, I think he put some effort into making sense, Batman, and to a certain extent, he succeeded.

GC, believe it or not, the events in these articles actually have happened. Sometimes note-for-note as you read them, and sometimes not.

The interesting thing about life is that when action happens, it tends to happen all a-jumble, with very little linearity. If I tried to write things precisely as they happened, you wouldn't be able to read them -- the narrative would be an absolutely nonsensical mishmash of simultaneous thoughts, speech and actions. So, yes, to a certain extent the stories are "doctored" for readability.

But I am the protagonist in the work -- when you read those stories, you're riding in my head, seeing through my eyes, feeling the crush of the city... at least, you are if I'm doing it right. In short, I don't fake who I am in the stories. That's me. If it comes across as a weird cross between Mike Hammer and Bill Murray (one of my favorite comparisons) then that's just the way it is; there's nothing artificial added.

I'm glad you've been impressed with Walking. If you can manage to hang on here at SDN, there's more coming. If not, well... it all ends up on the Dangerous site sooner or later.

Oh, that "doctoring" is fine, and, of course, necessary.

As long as it's relativly real and not an affected "style" I don't have a problem with it as far as whether it"s "good writing"...much like mine, I've seen far better, and I've seen FAR worse.

Oh, and Batman, yes, I do have a real problem with not proofing and/or spellchecking. that's a condition often called "laziness"

I just can't bring myself to slow down that much when I already waste way too much time doing this.

I type very quickly for a non-proffesional, and sometimes my mind slips into phonics mode or my fingers can't keep up with my brain. I did copy and paste one long post tonight into word perfect to check it and I was stunned at the number of errors...many quite obvious when I slowed to look at them.

I'd have been real embarassed if i'd have posted the original form.
Still, I keep doing it the lazy way so there's no doubt more such garbage to come...

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-13 12:37am

Day Seven: Ascension

The sun is still down when my eyes pop open. There's a warm breeze chasing itself across the park; the lake murmurs to itself, its rowdy wavelets challenging the lip of the berm.

I can't go back to sleep. Sitting up, I spot James and Meredith cuddled together under the protective canopy of a tree. Sparky is sitting on the berm of the lake, staring out across the water.

"So," James is awake, after all. "Ready to go, boss?" He gives Meredith a kiss on the cheek.
"I don't know," I think about it, looking around. "You guys have something planned?" As a matter of fact, I've got something planned -- but I want it to be a surprise.

"I've still got a few bucks. We could go grab some coffee at Circle K and just bullshit for awhile. I think Miss Gretchen does breakfasts on Sunday mornings."
"Yeah?" I ask, then say, "Thanks." as I take the cigarette Sparky's just handed me. "Sounds like a plan."

Twenty minutes later, we make our way toward the Meth Church. I take a sip of coffee -- 2/3rds Caramel Mocha capuccino, boosted with Hazelnut coffee and topped off with French Vanilla creamer. Good stuff.
"So," I ask James as Meredith smiles up at him. "Another question, not so official."
"What's that?"
I think for a second, trying to find a way to play this close to the vest. "What would you do with two weeks off the street? Both of you." Somehow, that's not as close to the vest as I was planning.
"Uh..." James looks a little confused and surprised. "I guess I'd use it working. If I didn't have to worry about showers or food or clean clothes, I could hang in there long enough to get a paycheck."
He doesn't ask the reason for the question. That's the best part of his answer -- it tells me what I need to know. These kids don't expect anything.

During our breakfast of burritos and coffee, I tap James on the shoulder. "Hey," I tell him. "After you and Meredith are done, follow me."
He nods, not quite following. But half an hour later, I shake Sparky's hand. "I'll catch you later, Chief." I tell him.
"I'll be around." he says, then goes back to his card game.

"So, where are we going, now?" Meredith asks as we head south past University. It's warm in the desert this morning; I'll have a mild limp by the time I reach my front door and pull my keys out of my pocket.
"Home, kids." I announce, lighting my hand-rolled cigarette. "We're going home."

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2003-05-13 04:02am

Okay, GC, now I've read your comments in the light of a new day, they DO make sense.
Put it down to a combination of a little of you not spellchecking and lots of me being half asleep yesterday night

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-05-13 05:30am

Yay! Update at last!

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2003-05-13 11:51am

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:Day Seven: Ascension

Coming Tomorrow... be patient.

*SIGH* That long?

*debates PMing him every hour with "Issit ready yet?"*

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-14 09:08pm

That's Day Seven. Short and sweet -- and, oh yes, it was sweet to get back home. There's a postscript to this series -- watch for it in the next 24 hours.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-14 09:45pm

Postscript:

It's 7:00 A.M., and the apartment feels wrong. The phone rings; it's my ex-wife, wanting to know why she saw me panhandling Thursday night. I tell her it was for research purposes. She thinks I'm joking, and my laughter does nothing to smooth it over. It's my weekend to see the kids, and she lets me know in no uncertain terms that she won't stand for any of my bizarre and twisted antics.

The dining room table is spotless, a great plane of glass. Funny thing is, I almost expected to see a couple huddled together over paperwork sitting at that table.

The Today Show is on, but I can't get into it -- without the side commentary about Al Roker's possible ties to terrorist Smurf factions, it's not nearly as amusing as I've become accustomed to.

I find myself wondering how Kira and Connor react to kids like James and Meredith when they see them. Do they understand how people's lives can take that bundle of stumbling steps that lead out of accepted society? Do they see them as human beings standing on the edge of survival, as I've come to? Or as predators, scavengers and parasites, as most people seem to?

I resolve to tell them what I've learned. This is a lesson in compassion, a lesson which can teach us how easily we forget that all human beings are more alike than we are different, until we find a way to see through their eyes. It is also a lesson in the dangers of pride.

Taking the keys to the truck off the hook beside the door, I calculate how much I'll need to spend to gas up the Escalade, and decide that a box of Entenmann's for Starvation Army, followed by a swing past Burger King to drop a $5 on the counter, are well within the cash reserves I have on me.

As I start up the truck and back out of the cool parking space into the gleaming morning sun, I decide that I just might have time to stop off and visit some friends on the way back with the kids. My kids love a good story... and this one's better than most.

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-15 01:07am

All right, that's it, guys. Walking With Ghosts has now concluded. There will undoubtedly be revisions based on your input, but that's it. Back to our regular program. Next installment -- could very well be a scathing rant about the TrollKingdom geeks... but then again, maybe not. You never know.

Let me know what you think of Walking With Ghosts as a whole -- if there are gaping holes in continuity, it's probably because I screwed up somewhere along the transcription process, so if you see these holes, please point them out so I can fill them.

Other than that, hope you've enjoyed the subseries, and I'll probably have the next regular article up in about a week or so.

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2003-05-15 10:13am

Fantastic job, Raoul, although now I'm wondering what happened with James and Meredith.

Did they stay with you for a while? Did they get jobs? What happened?

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-15 01:02pm

As a matter of fact, they stayed with me for a little over two weeks; James got his job repairing amps, and they went through a service called Apartment Finders. They now have a one-bedroom apartment about five minutes drive from me.

(That's all stuff, by the way, I should add to Postscript. Can't believe I forgot it. I forget that just because I know how it turned out, I still need to be more explicit in the work.)

Post by **LadyTevar** » 2003-05-15 01:34pm

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:As a matter of fact, they stayed with me for a little over two weeks; James got his job repairing amps, and they went through a service called Apartment Finders. They now have a one-bedroom apartment about five minutes drive from me.

(That's all stuff, by the way, I should add to Postscript. Can't believe I forgot it. I forget that just because I know how it turned out, I still need to be more explicit in the work.)

YAY! Happy ending!

I wish them luck, and I hope they also pass along their good fortune like you did.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2003-05-15 01:58pm

LadyTevar wrote:
YAY! Happy ending!
I wish them luck, and I hope they also pass along their good fortune like you did.

Amen.
I was thinking about commenting the rather Heinleinian failure to actually conclude the story, but now that's cleared up, nice job. I really liked it.

Go Raoul

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2003-05-15 03:43pm

Are there any awards we can get RDJ nominated for?

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-15 03:49pm

I wouldn't nominate me for any awards just now, man. Between a bad head cold and a little misrepresentation stunt at another board, I've made some mistakes that are going to leave me pretty unpopular for awhile at least. Even if it were possible to swing it, I don't think I deserve anything other than a swift kick in the ass.

All that by way of saying that it might be awhile before the next installment. Other than checking PMs every now and then, I'm thinking I might just need to take a little vacation for a few days at least.

Batman · Post by **Batman** » 2003-05-15 03:53pm

Raoul:
Well, the 'boot to the head' was technically an award so I guess we could always nominate you for that one

Hope your cold gets better.

EDITED ´because I'm to stoopid to proofread

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-16 04:19pm

For those of you interested in reading some of my fiction efforts, check out "Storm Warning: Version 2.0" in the Fanfics forum. It appears on this board by express permission of the author (heh) and Copyright 2003 yadda-yadda, precautionary measures, you understand.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-05-16 06:07pm

LadyTevar wrote:
Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
BTW, Lady Tevar, I plan to do some shopping at the Dangerous Fun store myself. Khaki logo cap, maybe a nice frosted mug for my Killian's... the real project, though, is going to be finding some luscious young ladies to model the women's logo tank tops for a picture on the main site. Yeeaaahhh!!!
I'd volunteer, but I'm neither young nor luscious. You'd be looking for 20-somethings from Hooters for that job.

Still, for a free shirt, yeah I'd consider it.

wait a sec - will a 22yo 34B do?

Raoul Duke, Jr. · Post by **Raoul Duke, Jr.** » 2003-05-16 06:15pm

innerbrat wrote:
LadyTevar wrote:
Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:
BTW, Lady Tevar, I plan to do some shopping at the Dangerous Fun store myself. Khaki logo cap, maybe a nice frosted mug for my Killian's... the real project, though, is going to be finding some luscious young ladies to model the women's logo tank tops for a picture on the main site. Yeeaaahhh!!!
I'd volunteer, but I'm neither young nor luscious. You'd be looking for 20-somethings from Hooters for that job.

Still, for a free shirt, yeah I'd consider it.
wait a sec - will a 22yo 34B do?

Cap'n Hector's got the store. I have no clue how to get a shirt to you, but if he can do it, and if you have a camera and a mate to wrestle it, then absolutement.

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2003-05-16 06:24pm

Raoul Duke, Jr. wrote:Cap'n Hector's got the store. I have no clue how to get a shirt to you, but if he can do it, and if you have a camera and a mate to wrestle it, then absolutement.

Right, get Hector to pm me and Lady T for postal addresses. Send us both T shirts. Then we'll send back pics and you can choose.