Star Trek: Voyager--the rewrite (updated 25 October)

[Thanas]

I have to say, I never really read the story before because....well, it is Voyager.

But this turns out to be excellent, so very well done, Red.

[spaceviking]

I liked the nod to Chakotay's crappy record as a shuttle pilot. That could be an interesting facet to him, tactically brilliant but weak in actual performance.

[CaptainChewbacca]

I liked the nod to Chakotay's crappy record as a shuttle pilot. That could be an interesting facet to him, tactically brilliant but weak in actual performance.

Hell, he was an ammateur boxer, I don't doubt he's probably got some fucked-up reflexes and maybe bad peripheral vision.

[JME2]

Nice stuff as usual.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

I've really enjoyed this story, and thanks for keeping up with it!

[El Moose Monstero]

Dear God, I want to invent some sort of awesomeness award and name it after you!

Paris snorted. "They might as well glue a dustbuster to the nacelles," he said (the origin of that nickname for the Federation's standard hand phasers was obscure).

That wins. HARD.

That line actually threw me right out of the story - a bit too 'fourth wall' for my tastes. I'd have preferred something a bit less specifically 20th century - maybe something as simple as 'might as well just open the door and throw rocks at them'. Other than that, it's great to see this updated again!

[Oskuro]

Well, finally got through it. I must say I'm kind of glad Gombe is gone... I kept reading his name as "Goomba" and it was driving me nuts

Ok, seriously, excellent story, and allow me to join the chorus begging for MOAR!

[Carinthium]

Adding my voice to the chorus- compared to actual Voyager this is (as far as I can tell- I'm not literary critic) very good.

[DatBurnTho11]

Dang you really have a talent for writing. You're also driving me crazy with these constant cliff-hangers, lol.

Looking forward to the next posts.

[hongi]

There was a pause. Then came a gibberish burst of alien speech. Janeway wondered for a moment if the Universal Translator would catch up--and then it did, like always. "Go away," it said

I know suspension of belief is hard to come by in sci-fi, but could you change the burst of alien speech into something a little longer? The idea of a universal translator that can figure out a language when it only has a sentence to work on is hard to swallow.

[SilverWingedSeraph]

I know suspension of belief is hard to come by in sci-fi, but could you change the burst of alien speech into something a little longer? The idea of a universal translator that can figure out a language when it only has a sentence to work on is hard to swallow.

It did it all the time in the series, though. In fact, I can really only think of one incident personally where the Universal Translator didn't pick up a language instantly, and that was in DS9. I can't remember the specific episode name, though. I don't think Red is trying to rewrite the entire Trek Universe. I don't think. Just one especially bad corner of it.

[Simon_Jester]

That said, calling attention to the buggy bits he doesn't intend to rewrite undermines his success at rewriting the stupidity of the Voyager plot. Too much "Har har look at all the stupidity that's still here even after I clean it up!"

If they have technomagic universal translators that really are universal, they're not going to remark on it, and if the author does, it just serves to draw attention to a convention that exists purely for plot convenience.

[Gil Hamilton]

I know suspension of belief is hard to come by in sci-fi, but could you change the burst of alien speech into something a little longer? The idea of a universal translator that can figure out a language when it only has a sentence to work on is hard to swallow.

The Universial Translator is a plot conveniene that isn't worth changing and always was. You can't translate an another language you've never heard before even if you've got tons of recordings unless you've got a living speaker who is somewhat cooperative. No volume of recordings will do. This is why aliens won't be learning any human languages from radio and television broadcasts; there simply is no starting point or context. For that matter, you can't translate most languages into another in real time either, and god help you if they have as many idiomatic phrases baked in as human phrases. Like the warp drive, the reason it exists is that it makes the story go.

[Raesene]

I know suspension of belief is hard to come by in sci-fi, but could you change the burst of alien speech into something a little longer? The idea of a universal translator that can figure out a language when it only has a sentence to work on is hard to swallow.

The Universial Translator is a plot conveniene that isn't worth changing and always was. You can't translate an another language you've never heard before even if you've got tons of recordings unless you've got a living speaker who is somewhat cooperative. No volume of recordings will do. This is why aliens won't be learning any human languages from radio and television broadcasts; there simply is no starting point or context. For that matter, you can't translate most languages into another in real time either, and god help you if they have as many idiomatic phrases baked in as human phrases. Like the warp drive, the reason it exists is that it makes the story go.

TV might work - there are pictures, too and a very large dataset to correlate. I wouldn'
t want to try it, though. Language programs (I remember watching reducational programs teaching Russian, Italian, English and French when I was younger) could help, if the Aliens recognise them as such.

[Gil Hamilton]

TV might work - there are pictures, too and a very large dataset to correlate. I wouldn'
t want to try it, though. Language programs (I remember watching reducational programs teaching Russian, Italian, English and French when I was younger) could help, if the Aliens recognise them as such.

If you had the pictures and could resolve them, then you might be able to generate a list of nouns or even verbs if your natural language interpretor was smart enough. However, core grammar still requires interaction no matter how much reference material you put into it. That means having a native speaker to interact with or having a primer designed to teach non-speakers/children* the language.

*Best possible thing, a primer to teach the language to non-speaking children.

An example of this being handled well is "A Fire Upon the Deep" by Vernor Vinge. In that, some primitive aliens get ahold of a space faring human girls laptop and figure out how to open it. They start hitting buttons on it trying to figure out how it works. What ends up happening is that they eventually enter enough asinine commands that no human child would make and that laptop goes into kindergarden mode and attempts to teach the aliens the human girl's native language. That, along with the girl herself, allow them to communicate.

[RedImperator]

Voyager elapsed surface time: two hours, twenty minutes[/i]

Drake pulled up alongside Val Jean. They were practically close enough to touch, but Val Jean had no idea they were there.

"Their sensors are still out," said Chakotay. "Janeway really did a number on them."

"Can't they look out the window and see us?" said Paris.

"I covered up all the windows with armor plate," said Chakotay. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Well, what do we do now?" said Paris.

"Can we beam over?" said Jaxz.

"Their shields are up," said Chakotay.

"But they're very soft up front," said Paris. "I'll bet we could push this shuttle right through."

"That's insane," said Chakotay. "There's a meter and a half of clearance between the hull and the shields."

"Why don't we just shoot through them?" said Jaxz.

"They'll start randomly maneuvering to evade," said Paris. "We'll never be able to match speeds for a transport." He shook his head. "Can you believe this?"

Neither of the others said anything. Paris wondered, not for the first time, if he was having some kind of elaborate nightmare. And then, he had an idea.

"I've got it!" he said. "Chakotay, you know Morse code, right?"

"Of course," said Chakotay.

"Does anybody on board Val Jean?"

"Seska will," said Chakotay. "But we've already tried radio; they're not responding."

"Not radio. Use phaser pulses. Low power, just hot enough for them to notice. Hopefully Seska will recognize the pattern."

"Does anybody have any better ideas?" said Chakotay. Jaxz didn't, and neither did he.

"All right. I'll program the firing pattern into the computer."

#

Val Jean

Seska was so wound up the alarm caused her to jump out of her seat.

"Someone's firing phasers at us!" she said. "B'Elana, sensors!"

"Forget it!" said Torres. "They're cooked!"

Seska snarled a curse. "Mohommad, start randomly maneuvering." She checked her screen, trying to identify the attacker. Whoever they were, they were shooting again.

Something caught her eye. "Belay that, Mohommad. Hold course."

"Are you crazy?" said Torres.

"Shut up!" said Seska. "Something's not right. Whoever's shooting at us is using minimal power...there's a pattern to the pulses. Long and short pulses...that's Morse code!"

"What does it say?" said Mohommad.

"Hold on...'I am Chakotay. Lower your shields.'"

"Sure," said B'Elana. "And I'm Queen of the fucking Moon. This is a lame trick."

"There has to be some way to communicate with them," said Seska.

"Not radio, and not subspace," said Torres.

"Do the running lights still work?" said Seska.

#

"No response," said Paris.

"Yes, there is," said Chakotay. "Look at the running lights." They were flashing a pattern back at them. "'Prove your Chakotay'" he said. He grinned. "She used the wrong 'you're'. That's definitely Seska."

"How are you going to prove you're who you say you are?" said Paris.

"I'll tell her something only I would know." He glared at Paris. "Don't read over my shoulder." He typed in his message.

#

"They're responding," said Torres.

Seska decoded the message. Then she flushed crimson.

Mohommad turned around in her seat, eyebrows raised. "Really?"

"I didn't know you read Morse code," said Seska, still bright red.

"Wait, I can't. What did he say?" said Torres.

"I'll tell you later," said Mohommad.

"I'll throw you out the airlock if you do," said Seska. "That's definitely him. Lower shields."

#

"Their shields are down," said Paris.

"All right. I'll beam over with Jaxz and the sensor pallet."

"Like hell," said Paris.

"What's your problem now?"

"I want to see A'sha."

"She won't want to see you. Trust me."

"I don't care," said Paris.

"We don't have time for a reunion!" said Chakotay.

"All right, fine. You'd better beam over first, though. Who knows what Torres will do if she sees a Starfleet crewman beam over."

Chakotay shrugged. He had a point. "All right." He took his place on the shuttle's transporter pad. "Lower shields and beam me over."

"Roger. Engergizing."

#

Chakotay materialized on Val Jean's bridge. Seska cast decorum aside and hugged him. "How did you escape?"

"I didn't. Janeway let me go. She sent a peace offering."

"What?"

He tapped the commbadge he'd borrowed. "Drake, this is Chakotay. I'm ready over here."

The only response was the transporter whine and three columns of sparklies. "Oh God damn it," said Chakotay, as Crewman Jaxz, the sensor pallet, and Tom Paris materialized on the bridge.

#

"I tried to stop him!" said Jaxz as soon as he'd materialized.

"What the hell is he doing here?" said Seska.

Paris ignored them. He and A'sha had locked eyes. "Hello, A'sha," he said.

"How much did Starfleet offer you?" she said.

"Parole. I tried to protect Val Jean."

"You son of a bitch," said Torres. "You worthless traitor. I should gut you where you stand."

"Hello to you, too," said Paris.

"Enough," said Chakotay. "We don't have time for this. The Kazon are bearing down on the inner system. B'Elana, I need you to go back to Voyager and help get her engine started."

"Have they figured out how to get us home yet?" said Torres.

"No," said Chakotay. "Janeway's people are working on it. If we can hold the Kazon off, maybe they can get us out of here. The only way that's happening is if Voyager has a working warp drive."

"What about Val Jean?" said Seska.

"Crewman Jaxz and I will stay behind to install the new sensors. As soon as that's done, we're going to try to buy Voyager more time. B'Elana, can you ride back to Voyager without killing Tom?"

"Maybe," she said.

"If you kill him, you're going to have to dock with Voyager yourself. Have fun doing that at the bottom of a class N atmosphere."

"Fine," said Torres.

Tom had tuned out the conversation on the bridge. He and A'Sha locked eyes. They were dark and beautiful, just like he remembered. Unfortunately, there was no sympathy in them. She glared at him, angry. Neither of them were telepathic, but he could read her face easily enough: I didn't invite you back into my life.

So much for that. He wanted to go back to Voyager. Even an hour in a shuttle with B'Elana would be better than this.

Crewman Jaxz was already studying a schematic of Val Jean's electrical system. "Oh yes, I can install the new sensors and antennas. Very easy," he was saying.

"And if he runs into any problems, Seska and I can help," said Chakotay. "B'Elana, Tom, get back to Voyager. We don't have time to waste."

"Wait," said Seska. "One more thing. Where's Tuvok? Is he all right? Why didn't he come with you."

Chakotay didn't answer. Paris took the opportunity. "Tuvok is a Starfleet agent. That's why Voyager followed you here to begin with."

"You're lying," said A'sha.

"No, he's not," said Chakotay.

"We can't help them now!" said Torres. "If Tuvok's reporting to Starfleet, then they have enough to send all of us to prison."

There was a murmur around the bridge. "Be sensible, B'Elana," said Seska. "What's our alternative? Flying back the long way? We'll be dead in a month."

"If we get back to the Badlands, I can lose Voyager," said A'Sha. "Provided they don't have any...assistance."

"I've done my part for Starfleet already," said Paris. "I promise I won't help them."

"Are we going to trust him?" said B'Elana.

"Do we have a choice?" said Seska.

"B'Elana, go," said Chakotay. "If Voyager doesn't get its warp drive running, this is all academic."

Torres picked up a tool kit. "Fine. Let's go."

#

Drake

Voyager elapsed surface time: three hours, five minutes[/i]

B'Elana was sitting in the back of the Federation shuttlecraft, brooding, when Paris startled her by speaking up.

"So what's your story?" he said. It was the first words either of them had spoken in half an hour.

"What do you mean, 'what's my story?'"

"I don't know. How's life? How have you been?"

"Are you trying to make small talk?"

"It's not like I have anything else to do," he said.

"I don't want to talk to you," she said.

"Fine," said Paris. "I'll talk. You want to know why I helped Starfleet."

Torres grunted. What she really wanted to know was when he'd get the hint and shut up.

"I'll tell you," said Paris. "It's because they offered to help me. I was tired of digging holes in the desert, and if I helped Bujold, I wouldn't have to anymore. I figured I wouldn't find Chakotay anyway, so what's the harm?"

"You led Starfleet to the Rat's Nest. That's one of our best hiding spaces, gone."

"Oh come on," said Paris. "The Federation and the Cardassians both knew about it already. It was only a matter of time before they charted the way in from both sides. Maybe I sped that up, but not by much." He leaned his head around his seat to look at her. "You know, a little gratitude would be nice."

"Gratitude? For what?"

"If I hadn't led Voyager to the Rat's Nest, you'd be stuck out here with no help."

B'Elana laughed. "Are you kidding? Since you arrived here, Voyager broke our ship and then had to ask us to help fix theirs. Some help you've been."

"The only chance you have of getting home is with Janeway's blueshirts. Unless you think you're up to the task of figuring out inscrutable alien space stations."

"Janeway's an idiot," said Torres. "If I were commanding that ship, the warp drive would have been running hours ago."

"Starfleet isn't big on letting first-year Academy washouts command starships," said Paris.

"You're one to talk," said Torres.

"I didn't wash out, I quit," said Paris.

"Please," said Torres. "Your grades sucked, you never went to class, and you were drunk all the time. You had thirty demerits. You and your low-rent Jim Kirk act were going to be expelled. The only reason you were allowed to quit is because your daddy couldn't stand the embarrassment of seeing you kicked out of school."

"At least I didn't sleep with my instructor," said Paris. "Or my boyfriend's roomate, or half the football team."

"You really are an asshole," said Torres. "I never understood what A'sha saw in you."

Paris took time to think about his answer. "Maybe because I tried not to be an asshole to her."

"Good going," said Torres. "You know, she would have been happy never to see you again."

"I know she would have been. I wouldn't."

"Always about you," said Torres.

"I see you've been working on the angry Klingon act," said Paris, by way of changing the subject.

"I've been under stress," said Torres. "It's been a rough two weeks."

"You're not going to melt down again, are you?" he said.

"No," she said. In her mind's eye, she could see the discharge letter from Starfleet: Unfit for service...lacks emotional maturity and self-control...unrelated to Klingon physiology, despite Cadet Torres's claims...psychological treatment strongly recommended. She'd been holding together for more than a year; finished top in her class in mathematics, aced the entrance exam, had no problem with the psych screening. She'd cruised through boot camp when allegedly psychologically tougher cadets crumpled under the strain. And then she started classes, and in a few months, she'd come apart again. They promised they'd reconsider admitting her if she went through treatment and passed another psych screening. Instead, Tom Paris, who'd quit just weeks before her, recruited her into a Maquis cell.

"Fuck you, Tom," she said. The shuttle fell silent again.

After another twenty minutes of silence, Paris spoke up. "What's Chakotay going to do if captain science whiz can't get us back home?"

"How should I know?" said Torres. "Why? Are you looking for a ride?"

Paris laughed. "Are you serious? If we're taking the long way home, I'd rather do it on Voyager. Even in the state she's in."

"What the hell happened, anyway? When we got pulled through, Val Jean was shaken but not damaged."

"Why does it look like a flying pile of shit, then?"

"Watch it," said Torres. "And that's all battle damage. We were in a running gun battle with two Galors."

"I have no idea, then," said Paris. "Another mystery for science whiz Janeway to solve."

"What do you think of her?" said Torres.

"Out of her league," said Paris.

"That's what I thought, too," said Torres.

"We're approaching the planet," said Paris. "Hang on to your ass; this is going to be a rough landing. Once we're on the deck, you'd better get to engineering as fast as you can."

"Why?" she said.

#

Wrath

"It's definitely lightning," said the comms officer. "Voyager was sending the signal by radio to Earhart, not subspace."

"Which planets in the system have lightning in the atmospheres?" said Jabin.

"Ocampa itself, and all the gas planets."

"But if they were at one of the gas planets..." said Jabin.

"Right. Lightspeed lag. They must be hiding on Ocampa."

Twenty minutes later, the Kazon fleet was on the move.

[tim31]

you WONDERFUL MAN

[JME2]

Made my day; great update.

[Mayabird]

Sweet cupping cakes, it lives!

The opening section cracked me up, especially the grammatical mistake.

[Stofsk]

oh fuck yes

[darthdavid]

nice

[Stofsk]

Red, I've reread the story from start to finish. Just wanted to let you know that there's a bit of an inconsistency. In the previous chapter, Chakotay and Paris detected an approaching Kazon scout that was intercepting the Val Jean. It would be a race to reach the ship before the Kazon did. However there is no mention of it in the latest chapter.

Also Tom Paris was in charge of Val Jean for five years? The Maquis haven't been around that long (I'm assuming you are keeping mostly in line with the establish continuity, correcting for absurdities and stupid shit and such the like). Five months sounds more believable considering the Maquis formed half-way through TNG's seventh season and DS9's second, and Voyager takes place at the start of the next season.

moar writings plz k thx

[Eternal_Freedom]

Just finished reading the whole thing through

God damn this is good

[RedImperator]

Red, I've reread the story from start to finish. Just wanted to let you know that there's a bit of an inconsistency. In the previous chapter, Chakotay and Paris detected an approaching Kazon scout that was intercepting the Val Jean. It would be a race to reach the ship before the Kazon did. However there is no mention of it in the latest chapter.

Err, oops? Yeah, just forgot about that plot thread. It was a dumb thread to start, since with the Spyglass out, the Kazon scouts can't track Val Jean anyway. This is why you shouldn't post first drafts online.

Also Tom Paris was in charge of Val Jean for five years? The Maquis haven't been around that long (I'm assuming you are keeping mostly in line with the establish continuity, correcting for absurdities and stupid shit and such the like). Five months sounds more believable considering the Maquis formed half-way through TNG's seventh season and DS9's second, and Voyager takes place at the start of the next season.

moar writings plz k thx

I actually didn't know the Maquis formed that late. Poop.

[OmegaChief]

Maybe Paris was captain of the Val Jean back when it was a regular civvie ship before the formation of the Maquis? It would make some sense.