StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Butter COw? I don't get it, you must be insane or soemthing, who would ever come up with a ridiculous idea like that?

Hehe.. I didn't find this quite as amusing as your other chapters, but it was still good work.

~ver

Captain_Cyran wrote:Did you get Pandora's Thigh from the adult store around here named Pandora's Box?[/i]

Nope, just the phase itself.

Perhaps the butter cow can make a guest appearance while we're on the subject of the Duchess too.

No.

Part 22: Stereotyping blond people


*open up on ZAIA tugging on DALTON'S arm*

ZAIA: Stand...up...you...big...

*he grip slips and she falls backwards*

ZAIA: Help me, will you?!

STRAVO: I've got a twelve-alarm headache and you want ME to help YOU?

ZAIA: *smiles* Pleeeeeeeaaaase?

STRAVO: WAKE UP! WAKE UP, YOU FOOL!

DALTON: Murmph.

ZAIA: Stop that. My ears are ringing.

STRAVO: No, that's your cell phone.

ZAIA: Oh.

*ZAIA answers her phone while STRAVO begins kicking ROB in the ribs. ROB finally comes to and lets STRAVO help him up, then decks STRAVO for kicking him in the ribs*

ZAIA: Hey guys, good news!

BOTH: What?

*CUT TO: MARINA and the BMs*

MARINA: Turn around.

KUJA: Look, Marina, maybe we can talk-

MARINA: NOW!

KUJA: OK.

*they turn*

MARINA: Now, march.

VOICE: HEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY MARINA!

MARINA: What the-

*LT. HIT-MAN bursts out of the shadows and jumps on MARINA'S back*

LT: Hey, what's up? How you doing?

MARINA: Get off of me, you stupid ape!

KUJA: Cyran, now!

*CYRAN grabs his traveling bag and reaches inside*

CYRAN: AMNESIA DUST!

*a handful of gold powder hits MARINA in the face and she begins coughing. HIT-MAN jumps off as she doubles over. CYRAN checks the small pouch in his hand*

CYRAN: Uh oh.

KUJA: Uh oh what?

CYRAN: That wasn't amnesia dust.

LT: Hey, look at her hair!

*MARINA'S hair begins changing color, from red to yellow, as she continues coughing*

KUJA: What's happening to her? *to CYRAN* What the hell was that stuff?

CYRAN: Um...Ultra Blond Powder.

LT: What?

*MARINA finally stops coughing and stands up straight. She blinks*

MARINA: Ewwwww, what am I doing in this grungy outfit? And why I am a standing in this dirty alley? I'm going out for some sun!

*she strips off the armor to reveal more normal clothes and pops some bubble gum in her mouth*

MARINA: I'm going shopping! Wanna come?

LT: *dumbfounded* Uh...

MARINA: Oh well, you snooze you lose! See ya later!

*she bounces off. All three guys look at each other*

KUJA: You turned Marina into an airhead blond.

CYRAN: I grabbed the wrong pouch!

*a moment*

ALL THREE: VIDEOTAPE!

*CUT TO: ZAIA dragging STRAVO and DALTON down the street*

STRAVO: What's the rush?

DALTON: Yeah, Marina can handle things.

ZAIA: Well, I've got a bad feeling about-

BOTH: DON'T SAY IT!

*MARINA comes around the corner, a vapid smile on her face. She stops and looks shocked, then lets out a happy scream, dashes up to ZAIA and grabs her hands*

MARINA: Ohmygod Zaia, how are you! I haven't seen you in, like, forever! What's new? Have you got a boyfriend yet? Want to do some shopping?

*ZAIA is a bit startled. ROB and STRAVO stare*

ZAIA: Uh...Marina, is that you?

MARINA: Of course it is, silly! Who did you think it was, the Tooth Fairy?

DALTON: Marina?

MARINA: Hey, Robby! Who'da guessed I'd run into you here?!

STRAVO: *amazed* Robby?

DALTON: Don't look at me.

MARINA: Well, are you guys all gonna stand here and gawk or is someone coming with?

ZAIA: Marina, what the hell happened to you?

MARINA: Oh, I dunno. *she twirls her hair* One sec I'm standing in this ugly little place and the next I just felt like going out and having a good time, y'know?

ZAIA: Um, OK.

MARINA: Well, I'm going out to find a date! You can just stand here and be boring!

*she bounces off again*

STRAVO: Wow...Marina as a blond chick...

DALTON: It's bizarre...yet strangely attractive.

*LT, the BMs, and a bunch of STORMIES dash around the corner. CYRAN is carrying a monstrous video recorder*

KUJA: There she is, don't lose her!

ZAIA: Wait a minute!

LT: Whaddaya want?

ZAIA: What the hell did you do to her?

CYRAN: *proudly* I turned Marina into an airhead blond!

*up ahead, MARINA loops an arm around a surprised brunette*

MARINA: So, what're you doing tonight, sweetie?

ZAIA: I can't stand to see her like this.

ALL GUYS: I CAN!

ZAIA: *mutters* Perverts.

*she notices CYRAN'S camera*

ZAIA: Gimme that!

CYRAN: No way! This contains bribery material of unlimited potential! I'm not giving it up!

ZAIA: Gimme!

*she dives for the camera, but CYRAN tosses it to KUJA. She dives at KUJA, but he tosses it to STRAVO. A game of keep-away begins, with all the guys tossing the camera around. Finally, DALTON flubs a catch and ZAIA grabs it*

KUJA: Rob, you butterfingered fool!

DALTON: *in tears* Football never was my cup of tea.

*ZAIA breaks the camera over her knee. CYRAN has a spaz attack*

CYRAN: Noooooooo! All that beautiful evidence down the drain! *he begins sobbing*

ZAIA: That's it, I'm going to kill you all.

*her claws spring out*

LT: Disorganized retreat pattern Four-Alpha! Go!

*all the guys run screaming down the street, just ahead of ZAIA. After a moment, KUJA comes back and retrieves an intact videotape from the broken recorder*

KUJA: Hehehehehehe...and now, on to the final phase of my uber-ingenious ego-feeding plan!

*he continues laughing madly as he runs away again*

First Post..

*MARINA finally stops coughing and stands up straight. She blinks*

MARINA: Ewwwww, what am I doing in this grungy outfit? And why I am a standing in this dirty alley? I'm going out for some sun!

*she strips off the armor to reveal more normal clothes and pops some bubble gum in her mouth*

MARINA: I'm going shopping! Wanna come?

LT: *dumbfounded* Uh...

MARINA: Oh well, you snooze you lose! See ya later!

*she bounces off. All three guys look at each other*

KUJA: You turned Marina into an airhead blond.

You do realize you've signed your death certificate, right?

~ver

SO what's the difference between normal Marina and airhead MArina?

2000AD wrote:
SO what's the difference between normal Marina and airhead MArina?

You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding..

~ver

2000AD wrote:
SO what's the difference between normal Marina and airhead MArina?

Someone really wants to die.

Heh... that was just disturbing...

Marina seems to be the flavor of the day in the fics these days. Damn now we have blonde Marina and done so well if I may add, the one line that just made me laugh outloud because I could visulaize it and hear it perfectly was this one:

Kuja wrote: MARINA: Ohmygod Zaia, how are you! I haven't seen you in, like, forever! What's new? Have you got a boyfriend yet? Want to do some shopping?

Maybe its a good thing Darth Fanboy hasn't appeared yet in this particular story. The amount of bloodshed is sure to increase exponentially as soon as that powder wears off.

Darth Fanboy wrote:Maybe its a good thing Darth Fanboy hasn't appeared yet in this particular story. The amount of bloodshed is sure to increase exponentially as soon as that powder wears off.

I am so gonna die...a horrible...and painful...death.

Captain_Cyran wrote: I am so gonna die...a horrible...and painful...death.

In TWO different stories nonetheless.

Darth Fanboy wrote:

Captain_Cyran wrote: I am so gonna die...a horrible...and painful...death.

In TWO different stories nonetheless.

What'd I ever do to you to deserve getting stabbed in the eye? *grumbles* Stupid authors...*sees Fanboy begin to write Cyran's horrible horrible death* I mean, I love authors, want some beer Fanboy?

Captain_Cyran wrote:

Darth Fanboy wrote:

Captain_Cyran wrote: I am so gonna die...a horrible...and painful...death.

In TWO different stories nonetheless.

What'd I ever do to you to deserve getting stabbed in the eye? *grumbles* Stupid authors...*sees Fanboy begin to write Cyran's horrible horrible death* I mean, I love authors, want some beer Fanboy?

It balances out, Cyran and Kuja are too interconnected, ifd one dies the other must then fall in short order. However if one miraculously survives the others assassination attempt then it will be the same if vice versa.

verilon wrote:

2000AD wrote:
SO what's the difference between normal Marina and airhead MArina?

You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding..

~ver

Captain_Cyran wrote: Someone really wants to die.

That's what the " " indicated (as well as general laughing at the fic) though given the reaction i wonder if it will prove to be enough to save me.

I sense that this chapter will bring about much bloodshed. Hehehehe--sweet.

2000AD wrote:That's what the " " indicated (as well as general laughing at the fic) though given the reaction i wonder if it will prove to be enough to save me.

In a statement like that, it should normally be followed by a and a ......

~ver

Hahaha, funny. Good work.

Part 23: Being popular isn't all it's cracked up to be


*open up on a city street. A lone GUY dressed in a trench coat and a mobster hat pulled down over his eyes stands on the sidewalk. LT. HIT-MAN, KUJA, CYRAN, STRAVO, DALTON, and the STORMIES all run by, yammering. He doesn't react. ZAIA runs by, then stops suddenly and turns to look at him*

ZAIA: Do I know you?

GUY: *flatly* No.

ZAIA: You look familiar.

GUY: *flatly* No I don't.

*ZAIA continues staring at him*

ZAIA: I could've sworn I've seen you before.

GUY: *nervously* No you haven't.

*ZAIA steps forward and rips his hat off*

ZAIA: Stormbringer! I knew it was you!

STORMBRINGER: Shit! Gimme that hat back!

GIRL: EEEEEK! THERE HE IS!

STORMBRINGER: Oh no.

*a mob of GIRLS runs around the corner and surrounds STORMBRINGER, knocking ZAIA backwards in the process*

ZAIA: What-

GIRL 1: GET HIS HAIR! I WANT HIS HAIR!

GIRL 2: I WANNA TOUCH HIS LEGS!

GIRL 3: HOLD MY HAND!

GIRL 4: NO, HOLD MINE!

STORMBRINGER: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE HELP ME!

ZAIA: Holy shit.

*a certain figure walks by, carrying a boat oar*

DARTH FANBOY: Poor guy. It's tough being popular. I should know.

ZAIA: Hey Fanboy, come here!

*FANBOY begins to walk over*

FANBOY: What do you-

*ZAIA grabs him by the throat and uses the claws on her free hand to cut her way into the mob. Several moments pass before she emerges carrying a thoroughly abused STORMBRINGER*

FANBOY: HELP! HELP ME! I'M NOT THE GUY YOU'RE LOOKING FOR! ZAIA!

ZAIA: Sorry hon, it's called 'acceptable casualties'.

*she carries STORMBRINGER some distance away and sets him down*

ZAIA: Are you okay?

STORMBRINGER: My ribs are bruised, my clothes are ripped, my hair's torn, and my jaw feels sore. DO I LOOK OKAY TO YOU?!

ZAIA: Sorry.

STORMBRINGER: Why me? Why can't I even go out in public without being mobbed by that bunch of psychos?

*CUT TO: around the corner, where all the guys are listening in*

DALTON: I'd like to know the answer to that myself.

CYRAN: Ssh! Zaia's talking!

*CUT BACK*

ZAIA: Hey, you should feel lucky to have so many girlfriends.

STORMBRINGER: They're not my girlfriends, they're my stalkers!

*CUT AROUND*

LT: Is that like a stalk of broccoli or a stalk of asparagus?

*KUJA snickers. CUT BACK*

ZAIA: Well, at least they're distracted now, so you should be able to…go home, or whatever you were trying to do.

*CUT TO: FANBOY attempting to use the oar to smash his way out of the MOB*

FANBOY: Back! Back, I say! Back!

*a GIRL grabs the oar and runs off with it*

GIRL: I'VE GOT THE OAR! I'VE GOT THE OAR!

FANBOY: NO! My precious oar! My precious! Myyyyyyyy preeeeeciousssss!

*CUT AROUND*

FANBOY: The precious is lost!

STRAVO: I don't even wanna know what's going on there.

STORMIE 1: I'm glad stuff like this never happens to us.

STORMIE 2: Yeah, me too.

GIRL: EEEEEK! STORMTROOPERS!

STORMIES: NOOOO!

*the STORMTROOPER FAN CLUB appears out of nowhere and surrounds the squad. Several blaster bolts are fired out of the tangle of bodies, but have no discernable effect. After several moments, the group retreats, leaving only a blaster rifle and an upside-down helmet, rocking back and forth*

LT: No! My entire squad! Oh, the humanity of it all!

*he breaks down*

DALTON: S'okay, LT. They've just gone to that big Battle of Hoth in the sky.

LT: You think so?

DALTON: *grins* Sure.

CYRAN: You've got your fingers crossed, liar!

KUJA: GENTLEMEN! Might I remind you that we have a schedule to keep?

STRAVO AND DALTON: We do?

KUJA: Well, you don't, but you're welcome to join us. Let's just check on what Zaia's up to, shall we?

*he starts to peek around the corner. CUT BACK to where ZAIA is crouched, waiting. KUJA'S head starts to come around and she leaps, spearing it with her claws.*

KUJA: Whew! That was close!

ZAIA: What the- *she flexes her hands* This is silly putty!

KUJA: Gotcha! Let's go, boys!

*the guys run off, leaving ZAIA behind*

ZAIA: Ugh, it's all over my hands. I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, KUJA!

FIRST POST!

STORMIE 1: I'm glad stuff like this never happens to us.

STORMIE 2: Yeah, me too.

GIRL: EEEEEK! STORMTROOPERS!

STORMIES: NOOOO!

LMAO!!! [holds sides] ROFLMMFGDQPAO!!! AHAHAHAA!!!!

-suddenly realizes he relates veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery well to that offline.... blank stare-

[EDIT] How is it that I can get a first post.. post a "goes back and reads" and by the time I've read and commented, no one else has...? o.O???

~ver

It seems that Kuja and I have formed some Synchronetic connection where we tend to post new chapters on the same day.

Funny as hell, LOVE the appeareance of some new characters (Go Stormie) and yes, I think I too would like to retire to that big battle of hoth in the sky.

Stormbringers popular?

Good work, Kuja, love it. But, Aya should make a non-flashback appearance.

Buys a certain oar on eBay.

Aya wrote:Stormbringers popular?

I don't know about that, his posts seem to draw Mike like a moth to a flame.