Let's Play X-COM: UFO Defense!

[weemadando]

Tell me ROBO-ANDO mk1 is entering the fray.

And then tell me that I have a goddamn blaster launcher.

[The Yosemite Bear]

It's Berlin, It should be used to massive firestorms...

[Peptuck]

Tell me ROBO-ANDO mk1 is entering the fray.

Well, I will say we're going to need a lot of replacements after this mission.

And then tell me that I have a goddamn blaster launcher.

We haven't even fought anyone with a blaster launcher yet.

I guess after that horrible rape-fest that was the floater harvester raid, the game decided to go really, really nice on us.

[Karza]

Terror mission - nightfight - snakemen? Jesus fuck, this ought to be fun .

[weemadando]

Tell me ROBO-ANDO mk1 is entering the fray.

Well, I will say we're going to need a lot of replacements after this mission.

And then tell me that I have a goddamn blaster launcher.

We haven't even fought anyone with a blaster launcher yet.

I guess after that horrible rape-fest that was the floater harvester raid, the game decided to go really, really nice on us.

Fine, Autocannon. Incendiaries. NOTHING BUT. I stand in the door of the skyranger and fire and fire and fire and fire and fire and fire and fire.

Until there is nothing. But fire. And as we are fighting Snakemen, this policy will work, because those fuckers can't get above the flames.

[White Haven]

That only works if the Skyranger has a badass enough sound system to make all of Berlin pulse in time to The End of All Hope. Because it is. For alien, civilian, and architecture alike.

[Chris OFarrell]

If you want to be cheap, I *think* a terror mission will not vanish while there is an aircraft on route to it! So if you cycle through the interceptors form around the world, keeping one at all times on the way, then just as it is about to arrive you sent another and recall the first, you might be able to keep Berlin being assfucked by the terror ship long enough for day to break and sending in the doomed...err...brave troops.

[Sebastin]

ARGHHHHHHH! I´m being terrorized!

I don´t know what I´m more scared of, the extraterrestial horrors roaming the streets or the X-COM aerially deployed explosive urban reneval and incendiary landscaping squad underway to "save" us. On second thoughts...

FALSE ALARM! It was just the delivery boy with my sushi takeout. Honest! Why would I lie?

Please don´t blow up my home. Kindly don´t burn it either.

[Vendetta]

If you want to be cheap, I *think* a terror mission will not vanish while there is an aircraft on route to it!

This is correct.

Also, it only checks whether the site is being targetted by an X-Com craft every hour on the hour, so you can have the skyranger on Patrol next to the site, and just make sure that as the hour ticks over the Skyranger is targetting the terror site. (Patrol takes up less fuel, a Skyranger can patrol for 83 hours, so you don't need to worry about flight time)

[Vendetta]

Of course, knowing the Great General Peptuck, we'll be going in hard and fast, and using fire to light our way.

(Also, maybe, streetlights, if they're not ruled enemy combatants)

[Karza]

(Also, maybe, streetlights, if they're not ruled enemy combatants)

Of course they're ruled enemy combatants. THE TYRANNY OF THE STREETLIGHTS ENDS HERE.

I have a lingering suspicion though that vaporizing the streetlights doesn't actually remove the light they provide .

[White Haven]

The streetlights are indeed enemy combattants and will either be terminated or, if captured, subjected to electrical rendition.

[Vendetta]

I have a lingering suspicion though that vaporizing the streetlights doesn't actually remove the light they provide

Ah-Ha!. A clear sign of alien sedition.

Send in the troops! For FREEDOM!

[The Yosemite Bear]

oh, wait, don't snakemen have Crysilids along for their terror missions?

[White Haven]

Yes. Hence the howling terror.

[Vendetta]

For extra Zombie Apocalypse points, you want the maximum number of civilians (16) and the Chryssalids spawning as far from your drop point as possible so they have plenty of time to encounter them.

[Darkevilme]

Chrysallids? oh crap. Well, you kept the rocket launcher and stack of incendiary missiles right?....right?

[Karrick]

I thought my death might have been at least mildly heroic, charging into an alien ship and all that. Then:

Karrick (plasma fire to the ass)

Oh the ignominy! Pass the hemorrhoid cream. You know, that brand that also cures death. My scorched ass desires to reenlist in the next available cyborg position, for VENGEANCE!

[Vehrec]

Well, it's been nice knowing you all. Hope you don't die too quickly.

[Peptuck]

Well, it's been nice knowing you all. Hope you don't die too quickly.

Oh, no, no, no. These deaths will be prolonged, drawn-out hellish moments of pure agony as new Chryssalids grow into their hosts' bodies.

Incidentally, how much longer is the thread allowed to get before it gets locked?

[RedImperator]

Well, it's been nice knowing you all. Hope you don't die too quickly.

Oh, no, no, no. These deaths will be prolonged, drawn-out hellish moments of pure agony as new Chryssalids grow into their hosts' bodies.

Incidentally, how much longer is the thread allowed to get before it gets locked?

Under the old software, it was 50 pages. However, I think the new software is much better at handling very large threads, so the 50 page lock might not be necessary.

Oh wait. This kind of thing isn't my problem anymore. Ha! I dunno, then. Go ask someone who's actually in charge.

[erik_t]

Where the fuck is my Chryssalid update!?!? These teasers are downright painful. Perhaps not as painful as being Chryssalid'd though.

[Peptuck]

Lotsa pictures this update.

We were in deep shit the second we stepped off the Skyranger. We remembered what happened the last time we went anywhere without armored support, so the general consensus was massed fire and damn the collateral damage.

Our only problem was a crippling lack of ammo. We'd placed fresh orders for replacement rockets and autocannon ammunition after the last mission, but the ammo had not arrived by the time the snakemen started assaulting Berlin. We were forced to go in with only a half-dozen large rockets, two incendiary missiles, and a single belt of explosive autocannon ammunition.

Code: Select all

Terror Mission 3
Squad: Zablorg, Robo-Decue, Robo-Ohma, Darth Smiley, MJ12-1, Agent Sorchus, Defenstrator, Eulogy, Vanas, Stark, Robo-Haven, Rekkon, Wautd, Eyexist

As soon as we got off the Skyranger, it became apparent the aliens had anticipated our response. They had the plane surrounded by four Snakemen and three of these new creatures that were lurking in the shadows. We prioritized the new creatures as our first targets.



Zablorg emptied two bursts of autocannon fire at one of them, and it didn't even flinch. Massed fire from the other half of the squad managed to drop both of the new monsters to the north, while sniper fire from heavy lasers and other laser cannons defeated the one lurking to our south in the shadows.

The snakemen took this chance to open up, and Agent Sorchus was killed on the spot.



Return fire from our troops managed to obliterate the house the snakemen to the south were hiding behind, but the aliens survived the fist of an angry god like champs. It took more precision fire by our snipers to kill the ones to the south.




The other two lurked in buildings to the north, and were taking a beating from Zablorg and the riflemen, but still standing. It took Haven's incendiary rocket and a aimed shot from Stark's heavy laser to drop one, while MJ12-1 finally managed to kill the other with laser pistol fire.

With the LZ finally secure, the squad fanned out. The main thrust of six troops moved down the main road while pairs broke off to search the buildings to the north and south. Zablorg and a two-man escort team moved into a convenience store opposite the Skyranger landing zone.




Some fire was traded with Snakemen in the street. Though they shrugged off individual shots of laser pistols and rifles, massed fire dropped them quickly, and they fell in a single shot to our snipers.

Eulogy and Defenstrator were checking a shed south of the convenience store, and reported the area clear of aliens.



Oh, monkeyfuck.



Meanwhile, snakemen rushed into the convenience store, and Zablorg and Co. killed them little the itty bitty teeny weeny aliens they were.



Eulogy? Eulogy, where areOHFUCKSHITWHATTHEHELLISTHATHING-



Defenstrator managed a single scream of terror as his/her laser beams bounced harmlessly off the grinning rape-monster's hide, before it closed in.



By this time, all the snakemen were dead, and the squads were gathering outside the convenience store to finish business. Then, two zombieifed soldiers who had once been Defensetrator and Eulogy came lurching up toward them, with a grinning monster running right up behind them.

Robo-Ohma opened up with his sniper beam, but such were the horrors he was looking upon that he missed and shot Darth Smiley in the back. Laser fire from the rest of the squad hammered the zombies, only to cause their bodies to fall apart and new insectile monsters to tear forth, baying for blood and delicious X-COM bodies.



Zablorg stepped outside, looked around, let out a shout of "SO MUCH BLOOD!" and then turned, to see-



Zablorg? Zablorg? ZABLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORG!

At this point, the horror overwhelmed Robo-Ohma's positronic brain, and he snapped. Such was the mad rage that ran over him at the sight of his belovedly team-killing commander that he opened up with his heavy laser, and broke the laws of physics by firing it on autofire. He killed two of the monsters in rapid succession while screaming a torrent of curses to make the Nostalgia Critic look like a well-behaved Mormon child. He even managed to kill the one that was emerging from Zablorg's body. However, the survivors overran him, and managed to catch Eyexist as he was withdrawing as well.

Rekkon opened fire on the zombies and monsters, and zombiefied Zablorg returned fire with his laser pistol, killing him.



By now, the shit had really hit the fan. With eight men down, half of them giving birth to the new monsters, the squad had to regroup to present a united front to face the attackers.




The first volleys of laser fire managed to destroy the remaining zombies, turning them into newborn insect monsters, which kept coming.




One of the monsters broke off the attack nearby civilians, turning them as well. Frantic laser fire kept downing the charging beasts, but they kept breaking off to infect nearby civilians.



In the chaos, MJ12-1 accidentally shot Vanas in the back, killing him.



Finally, Stark managed to down the very last of the monstrous aliens, ending the mission.




Note: The mission complete screen is erroneous. I did a thorough recount, and we definitely lost nine guys instead of eight.

Post Mission Analysis: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

I'm gonna go cry in a corner now.

[Vendetta]

The problem was obvious. Not Enough Missiles.

You need to sack your quartermaster and get someone who isnt brewing homemade rotgut from rocket fuel, then you won't have these sudden unexplained missile shortages.

[Zablorg]

Well, I guess being zombified was pretty cool. Now I have to climb my way up the command as ROBO-HEAVY