You Have the Codes(RAR!)

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Yes, you are able to select targets for all the nukes.

[Tribble]

Can I decide where these things go? Because I try to work out the best attack that coincidentally leaves Australia as the lone standing SUPERPOWER OF THE WORLD! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! OI! OI! OI!

Maybe just lob a couple of bombs at our way for some plausible deniability.
Anyway, Sydney and Melbourne have it coming.

Koalas are pure evil, and a plague on this world (just look at those soulless eyes staring into you like the abyss). Therefore Australia must be burned in order to save everyone else from this menace. I'll nuke them from orbit, it's the only way to be sure

[U.P. Cinnabar]

Drop bears are worse. But K. Rudd has them all beat.

[Zaune]

Well, I'm about to have a very awkward conversation with someone at the US consulate. I suppose the best approach might be the most direct: "I have no idea what the fuck this was doing in my house, but I want rid of it."

[GuppyShark]

So you're saying you already find Australian wildlife threatening, and the proposed solution is to make them radioactive?

[Formless]

One fine morning, you wake up next to the "football," containing all the codes for the American nuclear arsenal. For purposes of this RAR! these codes cannot be changed.

What do you do?

Fire. Fire solves everything.

Unless its the actual forty pound telephone like Skimmer described, in which case I go shopping for tannerite and ammo. This must be destroyed on public land where no one can be incriminated even if the feds find the remains. Preferably this bomb is going off somewhere remote like Wyoming to minimize the chance of even that happening. Oh, and I always handle it with nitrile gloves. Can't afford to leave fingerprints.

Handling this situation literally any other way is asking for trouble.

As you can imagine, I don't want anything to do with this, and I don't wish for myself or anyone I know to be arrested for a crime committed by Q or some douchebag time traveler. I mean, of course the codes are going to be changed, that's actually a given because the government is not literally pants of head retarded. But whoever stole these codes is likely going to be on death row if discovered. I'm in for vandalizing them only because no one but my immediate family can ever know they went through my hands. And even they are only allowed to know because I literally cannot keep it secret from them.

[Tribble]

So you're saying you already find Australian wildlife threatening, and the proposed solution is to make them radioactive?

While having your face mauled off by an angry, mutated radioactive death koala wouldn't be very healthy for you, I should have at least culled their numbers, so your odds of running into one would go down.

Plus Australians are probably so used to being surrounded by deadly creatures all day I doubt they'd notice the difference, apart from said creatures now glowing in the dark.

[Solauren]

So you're saying you already find Australian wildlife threatening, and the proposed solution is to make them radioactive?

While having your face mauled off by an angry, mutated radioactive death koala wouldn't be very healthy for you, I should have at least culled their numbers, so your odds of running into one would go down.

Plus Australians are probably so used to being surrounded by deadly creatures all day I doubt they'd notice the difference, apart from said creatures now glowing in the dark.

Well, they'd have an easier time avoiding them if they were glowing in the dark.

[Dani_2112]

I'd place the codes in a small box, and walk away. I don't have the time or mental capacity to deal with this kind of situation.

[Zixinus]

I'd place the codes in a small box, and walk away. I don't have the time or mental capacity to deal with this kind of situation.

That is actually a very smart thing to do, IMO.