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Why are nice people always going out with total bitches?

Zaia, hi. One day he'll realise that real men don't keep their PS2 controllers in pretty little baskets, and he come running to his best friend who understands his pain.

My Best Friend had a similar problem for a coupla months, during whioch he dumped his bitch girlfriend. Eventually I had to corner him and ask him what the Hells was going on, and y'know what? He thought they's been going out for weeks, he just hadn't told her.

My point is, men aren't totally stupid, just a bit slow on the uptake. You're sweet and loving and i'm sure you're totally yummy, so relax and he'll wake up.

Otherwise, find another, equally yum one, shag him senseless and watch the jealousy fester...

Or just ignore me. One thing I'm not qualified to give advice on, is love. I just got very lucky once.

Despite the fact that its from a few pages back I'm quoting from here because it contains the most critical informaiton (in light of your response to my other post)

Zaia wrote:I suppose I should mention that it was just an Amaretto Sour and hardly alcoholic at all (I guess that's not really the point, but I'd have been majorly angry if it had been a Long Island Iced Tea or something). He was being a brat because he knew I would have to stay another hour or two so I would be sure that I could drive, and I like the fact that he wanted me to stay that badly.

Good Signs (for relationship chances)
1) He wasn't forcing you to drink something you'd object to
2) He did so repeatedly
3) He engaged in physical contact each time that was provacative (once can be explained as accident but multiple...not really)

Ambiguous Signs:
None really

I guess maybe it still sounds bad, but he's never done anything like that ever in the past. He always holds doors and does other gentlemanly things, which is why I was so surprised that he did that in the first place. He's not usually a pushy asshole. I would have been annoyed with him a bit if I hadn't enjoyed the physical contact so much.

BIG Possible Interest Indicator:
He does not do this ever

Whenever a guy you've known for a while is starting to act quirky in a suggestive manner it is highly likely that he is interested. Now myself personally I enjoy being the gentleman: I hold doors, pick up the check, drive her wherever she wants to go, etc and I know as atype it is hard to let loose and just be physical with another person I'm interested in. The gentleman type, if he's getting physical in a suggestive way and he hasn't done it really ever then he likely is interested.

Again I think continuing to drop hints and perhaps be a bit aggresive yourself will bring things to fruition and as before my services are always available as the "slap him upside his head look at what you've been missing guy."

Yes the living with girfriend situaiton is problematic and you may in fact be reading frustration that is not there (be cautious of that) but he gave you a LOT of signs so I would try to provoke more responses, perhaps even bring up that night as kind of a humorous "do that again" suggestion.

Ted wrote:Zaia, a question, when he was feeding you the alchohol, why didn't you, tempt him, like lick your lips or something, something that would get him closer, or after he let go of your hands, why didn't you grab him or something?
I mean if you're that into him, and he was doing that to you, wouldn't it seem logical to get him?

I started to, actually. Not lick my lips or anything, but I do tend to bite my lower lip when I get turned on, and keep eye contact. I started to do that then, but stopped myself because I remembered his gf. Even though I reeeeeeeally don't like her, I don't think I could seduce him while he was still with her.

However, if he decided to initiate something while still with her, I don't think I'd have a problem with that.

innerbrat wrote:My point is, men aren't totally stupid, just a bit slow on the uptake. You're sweet and loving and i'm sure you're totally yummy, so relax and he'll wake up.

You are adorably sweet, your opinion is very much appreciated, and I listen to everyone's advice because I don't believe in luck. Thank you!

CmdrWilkens wrote:The gentleman type, if he's getting physical in a suggestive way and he hasn't done it really ever then he likely is interested.

YAY!!!!!! Sounds good.

Again I think continuing to drop hints and perhaps be a bit aggresive yourself will bring things to fruition and as before my services are always available as the "slap him upside his head look at what you've been missing guy."

Excellent. And thanks--maybe I'll take you up on that, since you've taken so much time to help me. Thank you, sweetie.

Well, it worked out for my GF and myself, we were good friends for several years before we even thought about going out with each other. Of course the fact that we were both taken during that time might have had something to do with that. We would hang out together sometimes, and have some hugs and kisses but there was no real sexual tension between us or anything, we were just good friends. I still don't know how we ended up going out with each other, it just kinda happened one summer. When we both got out of school that summer we were just friends, and when it was time to go back to school we were sleeping with each other, it just somehow snuck up on us. I've always thought she was cute babe and all, but the thought of dating her never really occured to me until it happened.

Zaia wrote: Bryan and I occasionally experience sexual tension--like when I was at his apartment and I said I couldn't have a drink because I needed to drive home and he pinned my wrists against the back of the couch, practically laid on top of me, force-fed me a bit of alcohol (he did this four times) and then told me I was spending the night at his place repeatedly (I don't drive even with the tiniest bit of alcohol in my blood). There was some intense eye contact (something I'm a sucker for) when he had his hand locked around my wrists, and I don't think I imagined the tension, but who knows; it may have just been in my head.....

I rarely get angry, but that just pissed me off. This is just my opinion, but I think you should kick that fucker to the curb and find someone who can get close to you without being a shithead and forcing you to swallow alcohol.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Xalev on this one. That to me was just ya know, kinda wrong there. I don't believe in forcing women to do something against thier will, especially intoxicating them. (i don't drink at all myself).

XaLEv wrote:I rarely get angry, but that just pissed me off. This is just my opinion, but I think you should kick that fucker to the curb and find someone who can get close to you without being a shithead and forcing you to swallow alcohol.

It's not something of which he normally makes a practice. Only that night ever, actually. I don't think I could toss away our entire friendship because of that one incident. And I ended up only having a few sips of alcohol. I could have driven, but I never drive with even the smallest bit of alcohol in my system.

Besides, I hold true to the fact that if I really didn't want him to do that, I could have stopped him. I chose not to.

I appreciate your concern, though, sweetheart. I have been through many things in my life, and I promise you, I can take care of myself just fine. *kisses cheek* Thank you for caring.

Zaia wrote: It's not something of which he normally makes a practice. Only that night ever, actually. I don't think I could toss away our entire friendship because of that one incident. And I ended up only having a few sips of alcohol. I could have driven, but I never drive with even the smallest bit of alcohol in my system.

Besides, I hold true to the fact that if I really didn't want him to do that, I could have stopped him. I chose not to.

I appreciate your concern, though, sweetheart. I have been through many things in my life, and I promise you, I can take care of myself just fine. *kisses cheek* Thank you for caring.

Well, that's your choice and I respect your right to make it, however HE started it, and I find that kind of behavior completely unacceptable and think it should not be tolerated. I think you should, at the very least, punish him for it and make him understand that it WILL NOT happen again.

That's just my opinion though. You do what you feel is best.

XaLEv wrote:Well, that's your choice and I respect your right to make it, however HE started it, and I find that kind of behavior completely unacceptable and think it should not be tolerated. I think you should, at the very least, punish him for it and make him understand that it WILL NOT happen again.

That's just my opinion though. You do what you feel is best.

Is there a part of it that bothers you more than the other? I mean, is it more that he forced me to do something, or that it had to do with alcohol, or both combined?

I realize this may sound hollow to you, but he really has never done anything remotely like this before. He is the most considerate, gentlemanly man I know. There's no way he would intentionally hurt me.

If it's one isolated incident that's something, but still in light of it, it's just not something I and as you can see Xalev agree with. To me it's a combination of both. I never like the idea of drinking just for the reason that it really takes away your ability to decide rationally or irrationally with your proper thoughts. that and forcing,

Zaia wrote: Is there a part of it that bothers you more than the other? I mean, is it more that he forced me to do something, or that it had to do with alcohol, or both combined?

I realize this may sound hollow to you, but he really has never done anything remotely like this before. He is the most considerate, gentlemanly man I know. There's no way he would intentionally hurt me.

Both, plus the restraint. It's mostly just the priniciple of it, since he didn't really hurt you or make you drink much. I wouldn't have a problem if he knew beforehand that you would enjoy it, but from what you've said it doesn't look like he did.

That's what I was thinking. That he didn't know how you'd react, so it's tough to say. If he knew you'd go for it then no prob, but if he was doing to get his way or whatever the fuck, ya know then it's sorta not right to me.

Something about the fact that he restrained your arms sets off all these little "Rob Smash" switches in my brain...I'm sorry. I'm being primitive.

DG_Cal_Wright wrote:That's what I was thinking. That he didn't know how you'd react, so it's tough to say. If he knew you'd go for it then no prob, but if he was doing to get his way or whatever the fuck, ya know then it's sorta not right to me.

Well, this might be more than any of you wanted to know, but I do plan to get myself some handcuffs at some point. I don't think I'd say that is common knowledge amongst my friends, but they know that I've mentioned it a few times with a mischevious glint in my eye, so they haven't known for sure whether I was entirely kidding or whether I was serious. To me, it seemed like he was taking me up on a dare, I suppose.

Dalton, who's Rob Smash?

Zaia wrote:

DG_Cal_Wright wrote:That's what I was thinking. That he didn't know how you'd react, so it's tough to say. If he knew you'd go for it then no prob, but if he was doing to get his way or whatever the fuck, ya know then it's sorta not right to me.

Well, this might be more than any of you wanted to know, but I do plan to get myself some handcuffs at some point. I don't think I'd say that is common knowledge amongst my friends, but they know that I've mentioned it a few times with a mischevious glint in my eye, so they haven't known for sure whether I was entirely kidding or whether I was serious. To me, it seemed like he was taking me up on a dare, I suppose.

Dalton, who's Rob Smash?

Damn. That is pretty fucking hot.

Still though. There is a difference between consensual restraint and nonconsensual restraint. Guess which one is okay and which one turns me into Hulk Smash mode, to steal a phrase.

neoolong wrote:Damn. That is pretty fucking hot.

Still though. There is a difference between consensual restraint and nonconsensual restraint. Guess which one is okay and which one turns me into Hulk Smash mode.

I understand that. I guess I've just known him for so long that it would take more than a glass of anything for me to not trust him anymore, you know?

Zaia wrote:I understand that. I guess I've just known him for so long that it would take more than a glass of anything for me to not trust him anymore, you know?

I hear that. Still doesn't make it right.

IG-88E wrote:

Zaia wrote:I understand that. I guess I've just known him for so long that it would take more than a glass of anything for me to not trust him anymore, you know?

I hear that. Still doesn't make it right.

Then I suppose we are at an impasse.

Zaia wrote:Then I suppose we are at an impasse.

Not really. You should get him to apologize for that. If he does, then things should go smoothly after that.

Zaia wrote:

IG-88E wrote:

Zaia wrote:I understand that. I guess I've just known him for so long that it would take more than a glass of anything for me to not trust him anymore, you know?

I hear that. Still doesn't make it right.

Then I suppose we are at an impasse.

But you said that one leg was free. As such you coulda got him in the nuts then if you were afraid or something. If you have a defence such as that, I don't think it makes it bad.

Zaia wrote:

neoolong wrote:Damn. That is pretty fucking hot.

Still though. There is a difference between consensual restraint and nonconsensual restraint. Guess which one is okay and which one turns me into Hulk Smash mode.

I understand that. I guess I've just known him for so long that it would take more than a glass of anything for me to not trust him anymore, you know?

My dear, please do not confuse any attension with good attension. What he did was not appropriate and was on the wrong side of the line.

Any hooo, are you going to have a sit down with this guy and be your normal (as I have seen on this board) blunt and to the point type gal or what?

IG-88E wrote:

Zaia wrote:Then I suppose we are at an impasse.

Not really. You should get him to apologize for that. If he does, then things should go smoothly after that.

I think that's a reasonable request.

But Ted is right, since he was straddling my leg, at any point in time I could have sent him to the floor if I had to.

Zaia, just saw the thread. Not that I really know you or anything, other than very peripherally, but you asked for input and if any of this is any help, then I'll be glad.

I agree with Knife and Iggy and the others, he should apologize for that incident, it was not something he should have done, not that way. Now if you'd encouraged him to act that way, it would have been different, but you weren't so it wasn't okay. This is a big negative for him, but like you've said, you'll deal with him in your own time and way, I guess.

On a brighter note for you, his current relationship is on a head-on collision course with some very big rocks, under full steam. Depending on how patient he is, it'll take from a few weeks to a few months and then the bitch is going to land hard on her bony ass, with his boot imprint on it for good measure. That sort of anal retentiveness pisses guys off no end, and the fact that he's talking to you about it is a sign that it's reaching critical meltdown levels, especially if that woman is broadcasting every which way without ever asking him anything and treating him like property. So for you, that's one problem that is well on its way to solving itself. A few subtle prods might speed the inevitable along.

But when that happens and you do make a move, maneuver him into a situation that is innocent but ambiguous and could turn suggestive easily, and then hit him over the head with the reality, heavily. Helps if you'll also figuratively smash him in the back of the knees and pull the carpet out from under him at the same time. We can be dense, but we're not THAT dense, like somebody said already.

I think the others already said enough about the signs of him liking you are all there in abundance, so good luck.

Edi

Edi wrote:But when that happens and you do make a move, maneuver him into a situation that is innocent but ambiguous and could turn suggestive easily, and then hit him over the head with the reality, heavily. Helps if you'll also figuratively smash him in the back of the knees and pull the carpet out from under him at the same time. We can be dense, but we're not THAT dense, like somebody said already.

First of all, hello, Edi. Very nice to meet you, and thank you for your help here!

Secondly, I understand what everyone is saying about my lack of permission to him, but it really didn't come across negatively to me. However, I have conceded to talk to him and sort that out.

Thirdly, it makes me soooooooo happy that you think the psychobitch gf is on her way out. I want to think so too, but I'm afraid of jinxing it and finding a wedding announcement for them in my mailbox tomorrow, you know? *chuckle* Maybe I'm just a bit paranoid.... Ah, well. I rather think she's on the way out too. *crosses fingers*

Lastly, I just about rolled on the floor with laughter when I read the above paragraph of yours. Too funny!

Again, thank you for your help. And it's lovely meeting you.