MST4K: Episode Thirteen: Really bad Gundam Wing fanfic

[Ryushikaze]

Mordancy Sarcasm Theater 4000
By Tim Jewett

All belongs to whom it belongs to. Also, please don't sue me. Thank you

In the not too distant future...
(Tim pops up and blasts the opening sequence with a missile)
Tim: Let's get on with it, shall we?

(Satellite of Lust, Sometime)
Tim: Hey Max. We couldn't get a guest speaker today, so you're on again.
Max: What're we doing THIS time?
Graham: A gundam fic. That's the only information we could hack out of Artlu's database.
Tim: It turns out he's on vacation and having his computer send these up to us...
Graham: It's almost insulting to be sent these crappy fics by a computer...
Max: I'd take insult to that, but I agree with you.
(Klaxons wail)
Tim: Might as well head on in before I destroy something again

Door 7: It's the standard door. It opens without any problems.
Door 6: It's a Chain Link fence. You crawl underneath and encounter some boots. You look up, and discover that it's just a pair of boots.
Door 5: It's a throng of Anime babes. They see Happosai coming and trample you in their attmpts to escape.
Door 4: You enter Washu's lab where she pulls expiriment anfter expiriment on you.
Door 3: It's a star portal, You jump through to escape Washu's lab and wind up in a toilet.
Door 2: We're not touching this door with a twelve foot pole.
Door 1: The Doorman opens it for you. Then, when you forget to tip him, he kicks you.

(From this point on, Comments are separated from original by >> marks)

Note:Gundam wing doesnt belong to me it belons to the cartoon network

>>Tim: Actually, Bandai owns Gundam US, but, what the hey...

this fic is strictly my idea.This is the fic you voted for Wufei v.s. Sally Poe.

>>Max: So we can forget about going after accomplices?

The score was 6 for this 3 for duo's yo yo and 3 for relina's t-shirt party

>>Tim: Wait, folks actually VOTED for this fic?
>>Max: Forget what I said about not going after accomplices...
>>Tim: And it's Relena, btb. Dun worry, I made the same mistake meself.

Scene:Wufei and sally just came back from playing hopscotch and

>>Max: Hopscotch? SUUUUUUURE.....

wufei is giving sally a tour of his house.
They enter
Wufei:"This is my living room,(There are pink curtans all over the room

>>Tim: Curtains...

and a pink rug and theres plastic on the furniture.)"
Sally:"Whats with the pink?"
Wufei:"Oh thats my favorite color."

>>Graham: Sounds like something Quatre would say...

Sally:"What about the plastic on the furniture?"
Wufei:"Oh its to keep the furniture clean..clean furniture is happy furniture."

>>Graham: Again, sounds like something Quatre would say...

Sally:"Uhhhhh whatever."
They walk into the next room
Wufei:"And this is my telivision room."

>>Tim: Television

There is a rack ful of video tapes on the wall they are all teletubby tapes.
Sally:"Whats with all the telitubby tapes?"
Wufei:"Oh I got a sensitive side okay?"

>>Tim: Teletubby, they must die, by the way...

Sally:"Whatever."(thinking to herself)man I've never seen such a loser...
he's so stupid he watchs the teletubbys man thats just sad!

>>Max: And that makes the author twice as sad for writing it so Wufei watches teletubbies.

They go into the kitchen and there are a bunch of cooking tools that are
used for making brownies there are brownies everywhere there isnt any other

>>Tim: There are no specific tools for making brownies. This person dun know howta cook, as well as not knowing howta write....

bit of food in there but brownies.
Wufei:"This is my kitchen and look brownies!"
Sally:"Ya I have eyes ya know whats with all the brownies?"

>>Max: Well what's with the lack of all the punctuations?

Wufei:"There my favorite food dont ya just love brownies?"
Sally:"Not really."
Wufei:"Then you are depriving yourself of a great joy."
Sally:(Thinking to herself)Oh man what a loser!!

>>Max: I'm getting nauseous...
>>Tim: When a Mech gets nauseous, you KNOW it's crappy.

They go into the last room of the house.
Wufei:"And this is the most special room of all...my room."
Sally:"How charming."
She walks around seeing pink wall paper and a pink lamp pink sheets and pink pillows pink
cloths and basically a totally pink room but there was something brown on wufei's bed it was
a teddy bear!"

>>Tim: Okay, run on sentence... and quite obviously, this is just a Wufei bashing fic.

Sally:"And what is this?"She picks up the bear.
Wufei quickly grabs it back from her.
Wufei:"Give me that thats my snookie."
Sally:"You sleep with a teddy bear?"
Wufei:"Uh huh."
Sally:"Oh man. hey look at that!"
Wufei:"What?"Sally quickly whips out a camera and takes a picture of wufei
with the teddy bear.
Wufei:"Hey I didnt see anything!"
Sally:"Oh well."
The next day nothing really happened except sally took a very fun trip to the news
station.

>>Graham: Tim, How old do you expect this author to be? Ten?
>>Tim: Intelligence wise at least. And that's Ten, at MOST, by the by.

Scene:Wufei is watching a barney episode.
Wufei:"I love you,you love me where all one big family."

>>Max: Ow, hurting, spelling error of Oscarian proportions...

The screen clears and an announcer comes on.
Announcer:"We have interupted this program to bring you a very special bullitun
gundam pilot chang wufei sleeps with a teddy bear i repeat wufei sleeps with a teddy
bear."

>>Tim: Mine Gott! I don't even know where to begin on that last segment! Wufei watching BARNEY? TV being interrupted for a tabloid? Wufei sleeping with a teddy bear? WRONGO, SISTER!

Wufei:"Huh? HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Announcer:"Hoew did we know this? well this afternoon we recieved these pictures.
(The screen shows the pictures of wufei with his teddy bear.)These pictures were givin to
us by an ex alliance major by the name of sally poe."

>>Graham: Sally is smarter than to leave her NAME when doing something like that...
>>Tim: The TV talking back to a character? That sounds like something Rumiko Takahashi would do in Lum. As such, it is totally inappropriate for Gundam.

Wufei:"What.........INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!INJUSTICE INJUSTICE INJUSTICE INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(I have a feeling wufei is mad)

>>Max: Naw, ya think?
>>Tim: Every Gundam fic I've seen so far has had all the characters OOC, and their annoying traits ridiculously exagerrated. Wufei doesn't say Injustice as often as you might think.

The next day wufei goes to the news station and says
Wufei:"Hello my name is wufei and I am very outraged by the act of injustice sally poe has
committed so I challenge her to a gerilla war."

>>Graham: However, he said it to the front door, so nothing came of it.
>>Tim: Guerilla. And I dun care how famous he might've been after the war -though I doubt he would be, their names were never released to the press- he still couldn't get a TV spot without an appointment.

Sally(In a far off place watching the show):"Yes gerilla war oh do i love gerilla war!!!"

>>Max: Sure, we all like "jerilla" warfare.

The next day Wufei is at a coffee shof for no reason what so ever.
Wufei:(singingh"Ohhh i'm at a coffee shop a lovely little coffee shop..this song
sucks why the hell am i singing it?"

>>Graham: Because you're acting horribly OOC?

All of a sudden behind him is an explosion.
BOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>>Tim: You mean, "suddenly, something exploded behind him", or "something behind him exploded"
>>Max: and what the hell is with these stupid sound affects? Wing isn't a gag anime like DB!

Wufei:"What the hell."
Sally:"HAHAHAHAHAHAH Ijust blew up the coffee shop hahahahahah!!!"
Wufei:"What for I donteven like coffee you just blew it up for no reason you stupid tramp!!"
Sally:"I know I just had to blow up something...I love to blow up thing i do i do."
Wufei:"Oh how sweet here comes the bride!! "He gets in his gundam

>>Graham: Anyone care to place bets as to what the author was on while writing this?
>>Max: Choices are: Speed, Coke, Acid, Heroine, etc., etc.
>>Tim: My money's on all of the above... Pay up. And what the HELL is with that, "bride" comment from Wufei?

Sally:"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

>>Tim: What, am I charging too much? Pay up!

She runs away in a truck like she does everytime she blows something up.
Wufei:"Ya you better run no one can beat nataku!!"

>>Tim: How shall I disprove thee, let me count the ways... Wing, all of them, all Deathscythes, all Heavyarms, Dragon, God, Master, Epyon, Devil, Ragnarok, Genesis, All creation, War reaper...

The next day wufei was doing nothing but watching teletubbies.....
but five minutes later he attacked the mall!"
People:"Ahhh ahhh."

>>Graham: Pretty calm for a bunch of people being attacked by a gundam, dontcha think?

Wufei:"I'm am not weak and I'm fighting fof justice this is why I'm attacking the mall."
Person.:"What the hell does this have to do with justice??!!"
Wufei:"(after a thought)I dont know but this is the mall that sally always goes to.So
I'm tearing it down ."
Person:"Hello stupid its injustiuce to attack a mall that didnt do anything to you just
to get even with you girlfriend...and your mobil suit sucks!!!"

>>Tim: No puncuation... Sandrock/ Kai sucks, not Altron, and blasting a mall for no reason... Author is definitely as HIGH as the space shuttle to write this...
>>Max: Mobile.

Wufei:" SHES NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!"
He blasts the persond head off."Oh and dont underestimate
nataku."
Another person:"Stupid hes dead he cant hear you!!!"
Wufei:"Ahhh shut up."BOOOM!!!
Scene sally is watching the news.
News guy:"This just in the mall that sally always shops at was just attacke by a crazy

>>All: (sweatdrop)
>>Graham: Damn, the newscaster must be a close personal friend of sally, eh?
>>Tim: That, or the mall is actually named "The mall that Sally always shops at"
>>Max: Question is, which is more believable?

dork with a pink mobil suit(Wufei painted it after the war.)"

>>Tim: Scuze me, bring in the howitzer...
>>(they shoot the screen several times with a Howitzer)
>>Tim: That was for making a mobile suit PINK!

Sally:"What the mall NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!That does it now its PERSONAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

>>Graham: Think she's upset at all?
>>Max: Naww, she must have stubbed her toe.

The next day wufei is in front of the brownie factory and he is singing.
Wufei:"I love brownies oh oh oh oh oh oh i love brownies...the only thing i like more than brownies is
the color pink...brownies oh oh oh oh i love brownies even more than teletubbies!"
All of a sudden there is an explosion at the brownie factory.
Wufei:"What(He sees the rubble)Nononononononononononononononononononononono NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. injustice whoever did this is gonna pay how could anyone blow up the brownie factory?!!!!!

>>Max: With High explosives, duh.

Sally:"Oh I'm gonna pay?"
Wufei:"Yep."He gets into nataku and attacks
Sally:"Dont come one step closer or the bear gets it!"
She is holding wufeis bear.
Wufei:"Snookie?...SNOOKIE!!!whaaahhhhh gimmmigimmi i surrender."
Sally:"Okay we settle this in a fist fight okay?"
Wufei:"Okay ju..jus..just gimmie my snokkie!!!"
Scene:Wufei has his bear and him and sally are in a ring and they are ready to
fight.
Sally:"Begin!!!"
Wufei:"Okay..owowowowowo..ow."
Sally is beating the crap out of him.
Sally:"TAKE THIS AND THIS AND THIS!!!!"

>>Tim: Just a question, well several actually... One: Why? Why write this crap at all? Two, why did you give Wufei this bad OOC personality? Three: Why are you having Wufei lose? He would whup sally at a fist fight. He took on an aires on foot and lived, remember? Four: what the hell is with using quotations for script format? It's redundant!
>>Graham: Damn, you said a mouthful.
>>Tim: I had a brainful, said a mouthful.

Wufei:"Ow ow woowowowowowo!!!..Okay I give up i give up
i'll do anything."
Sally:"Anything?"She smiles.
The next day at the news station.
Announcer:"News flash this just in sally won the gerilla war
with wufei and here he is.

>>Tim: Another thing. Between two people, I dun care how far it escalates, it is still a DUEL!

Wufei is in a pink dress singing with his bear.
Wufei:"Twinle twinkle little star how i wonder what you are.i LIKE BROWNIES
im stupid indumb i like birds and oh ho hoh ho ohohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho
ohohohohohohohohohohohohohhohohohohohhohohohoho i like peanuts they are good
(Can you tell that sally wrote this script?)This is my snokkie and i love it

>>Max: Noooo, but I can tell that YOU DID, Oscar fer brains...

and i i like rice.The 2 plus 1 equal 34 and um didi i say SALLY IS A BIG FAT TRAMP?
I DONT SAY THIS USUALLY SHE IS MAKING ME THIS IS AN ACT OF INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

>>Tim: Another thing. The ridiculous lentgh of the "no"'s and the overuse of exclamation marks is literally pointless and just takes up OUR valuable disk space.

Sally:"Wufei!!!!"
Wufei cowers at her hidious face
Wufei:"Ohh uhh i i was just kidding and um um my favorite color is
pink did did you know that and the sky is green and and the grass is blue
and the beans make you fart and ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm twinkies twinkies twinkies bannanna fanna bo binnkies fi ffie mo minkies twinkies. and ummm other stuff and stuff.
Wufei now has to do this six hours a day seven days a week for nine
months and he only gets food no money but he gets brownies and thats what
really matters to wufei.Oh ya and he gets to watch teletubbies to and that
is almost as important as the brownies.

>>Graham: Of course, brownies ARE food...

THE END.
______________________________________________________
Do you like it was it good please review okay,oh and dont flame.

>>Tim: YOU EXPECT US NOT TO FLAME? YOU ARE STUPIDER THAN WUFEI THINKS MOST WOMEN ARE! YOU WROTE THIS CRAPPY ASS FANFIC, WHICH IS ALMOST AS SUCKY AS ARTEMIS'S LOVER, AND YOU EXPECT US NOT TO FLAME? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, KID?
>>Graham: My eardrum busted... I was hoping to get through this without a busted ear. Oh well...

Outer room
Tim: Nope, not even wasting the time on this one. It's beyond all hope.
(signal end)

THE END

Wufei:"I love brownies oh oh oh oh oh oh i love brownies...the only thing i like more than brownies is the color pink...brownies oh oh oh oh i love brownies even more than teletubbies!"

Send comments to me at
Ktnablade@aol.com
or Graham at
Gmantis14@aol.com

Comments appreciated, flames thrown back at sender (BURN BURN! EHEHEHE!)
---

Yeah... go wild.

[Sidewinder]

Jesus Christ! You really threw yourself on a grenade for this fic, didn't you?

Although, as someone of Chinese descent, I have less respect for Wufei than the moron who wrote this fic. Wufei is an INSULT to people of Chinese descent in 'Gundam Wing', and this fic did little to increase my hatred of him.

By the way, is Tim Jewett your real name?

[Ryushikaze]

This is bad, but there are a couple of ones that top this later on.

Granted, Wufei is an absolute Moron, but I always maintain that if you're going to defame someone, at least try and sound believable.

And yeah, it's my real name. I've never been too gun shy about it.