Thermal Lance... of bacon

[CaptainChewbacca]

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I recently committed myself to the goal, before the weekend was out, of creating a device entirely from bacon and using it to cut a steel pan in half. My initial attempts were failures, but I knew success was within reach when I was able to ignite and melt the pan using seven beef sticks and a cucumber.

No, seriously. The device I built was a form of thermal lance. A thermal lance, typically made of iron instead of bacon, is used to cut up scrap metal and rescue people from collapsed buildings. It works by blowing pure oxygen gas through a pipe packed with iron and magnesium rods. These metals are surprisingly flammable in pure oxygen, releasing a huge amount of heat as they are consumed. The result is a jet of superheated iron plasma coming out of the end of the pipe. For sheer destructive force, few tools match a thermal lance. But iron isn't the only thing that's flammable in a stream of pure oxygen.

Bacon is fattening because it contains a lot of chemical energy tied up in its proteins, and especially in its fat. You can release that energy either by digesting it or by burning it with a healthy supply of oxygen. The challenge isn't creating the heat; it's engineering a bacon structure strong enough to withstand the stress of a 5,000°F bacon plasma flame.

I used prosciutto (Italian for "expensive bacon") because it is a superior engineering grade of meat. I wrapped slices of it into thin tubes and baked them overnight in a warm oven to drive off all the water. Then I bundled seven of those together, wrapped them in additional slices, and baked the bundle again until it was hard and dry.

From Table to Torch

To make an airtight, less-flammable outer casing, I wrapped this fuel core with uncooked prosciutto before attaching one end of it to an oxygen hose. You can't imagine the feeling of triumph when I first saw the telltale signs of burning iron: sparks bursting from the metal, and then a rush of flame out of the other side as I witnessed perhaps the first-ever example of bacon-cut steel. And the lance kept on burning for about a minute.

It turns out there are much easier ways to do this. For example, while researching how to build a vegetarian lance, I hit on the perfect pipe material -- hollowed-out cucumbers. The pressure-containment capacity of a standard cucumber is remarkable, and the smooth skin makes it easy to create an airtight seal with the pipe delivering oxygen to the device. A cucumber packed with beef sticks will burn for almost two minutes, and a completely vegetarian version stuffed with breadsticks, though not quite as long-lasting, still produces a very impressive flame.

The lesson here is that food is a source of serious amounts of energy. Pure oxygen helps release it in a much shorter time than usual, but it's really the chemical energy in the bacon that makes the steel pan burn. Whether it's worth building a bacon lance to demonstrate this -- well, only you can be the judge of that.

That's gotta be one of the funnest things I've seen in quite a long time. And hey, next time I'm at a job site, if we run out and ther'es a butcher shop across the street, might do a prescutto lance.

[Dark Flame]

I was thinking of posting this!!

Okay, I just watched the video and I didn't understand the science of it, but it actually seems very clever.

[Ted C]

I was thinking of posting this!!

Okay, I just watched the video and I didn't understand the science of it, but it actually seems very clever.

The science is pretty simple, really. The bacon contains fat, which is flammable. Drying the bacon before using it in the thermal lance removes the water that would slow down the burning of the bacon fat. Feeding pure oxygen through the burning bacon accelerates the rate of burning, increasing the temperature of the flame. Nothing very complicated.

[Akkleptos]

That would've made an interesting plot "device" in a McGyver episode.

But seriously, as Ted C stated, it's quite easy since all organic tissues are made up of essentially large carbon-based molecules, of which lipids were especially evolved to serve as reservoirs of chemical energy. So, a lot of chemical energy is stored in fats. Fats burn easily. Add a constant supply of oxygen and there you go.

The merit of this idea, which once explained sounds quite mundane, is in coming up with it, actually. Not all of us think "Ah! Fuel for a thermal lance" when we see bacon, as much as we think "Yum!".

By the way, it's precisely because fatty foods store so much energy that we -and likely most other meat-eating animals- evolved to like fats.

[Seydlitz_k]

Awesome! but a quick factual inaccuracy:

Prosciutto is just ham, it's not bacon. In Italy, the closest analogue we have to bacon is pancetta. Bacon/pancetta are the slices of meat taken from the belly or sides of the pig, while ham/prosciutto comes from the thigh or backside of the pig.

So technically, this would be a thermal lance of ham

[CaptainChewbacca]

I don't think that was worth the necro.

[Mr Bean]

It was not
Thread necro locked.