An Apology

[SMJB]

Hey. I don't know how many of you were here the last time I was here, or remember me, but I made this thread about non-Black people saying the N-word, arguing that it wasn't necessarily offensive.

First of all, that was racist of me. That's not the only thing I have to say here, but it's the most important thing, so if there's only one thing you take away from this thread, please let it be that I acknowledge the fact that I was in fact being a racist little asshole and I'm sorry.

I wasn't being malicious. I wasn't even arguing for myself, as everyone assumed. I was...not quite playing the Devil's Advocate, as I was being wholly sincere, but the same sort of overly pretentious, look-at-how-smart-and-philosophical-and-emotionally-detatched-I-am logic was in effect. I'm...not entirely sure what I thought my point was, beyond the whole "If someone trapped alone on a desert island *did* spend their days shouting racial obscenities at the sky, what would be the harm?" thing, especially seeing how I didn't think arguing back when someone says "Don't say that, it's racist" was acceptable behavior or anything else, and upon reflection, it is not a thing that fucking needed to be said, especially not in a way that lends credence to the latter viewpoint. So again, sorry.

(There was another thread that was accused of being racist at the same time. I don't remember all that well, but I'm pretty sure that one was just very, very poor word choice on my part. Still, memory can sometimes be self-serving, and even if that's an accurate description it's still on me for screwing the proverbial pooch, so sorry.)

Sorry.

That being said, the assholes who gaslit me and ran me off the board are still fucking assholes. If you're reading this, fuck you Metahive and whoever else it was. Yeah, I was hiding the fact that I was neurodivergent, and maybe you didn't realize just how traumatizing it would be for me, but that is no better an excuse for your actions than my ignorance was for mine.

It took me a long, long fucking time to come to grips with the fact that this wasn't a "false accusation of racism." I continued to refer to it as such long after I began to notice the racist nature of incidents like that that involved other people, and it is probably largely because it was such a traumatic experience for me that this was the case. Basically, you did the exact fucking opposite of helping.

(It also took me a long time to, you know, screw up the courage for this apology.)

Granted, it wasn't your job to help me get over my racism or whatever. I'm not going to hound you for your own apologies or anything like that. That's not what this is about. But it is still what happened and I still hate you for it. Just so long as everyone's good with that, we can move on.

Sorry (heh) if that last bit, like, ruins this apology for you all or whatever, but I'm not apologizing to be forgiven; I'm apologizing because that's what you do when you're wrong, and that's what I was. Wrong.

TL;DR--Sorry for being a racist asshole. You ableist dickbags.

[Hillary]

This is going to end well....

[Channel72]

I don't really remember your racist rants - but I do remember that hilarious quote in your sig. Now I have to find the context which led Simon Jester to say it.

Regardless, most people aren't likely to respond well to "qualified" apologies.

[Adam Reynolds]

I don't really remember your racist rants - but I do remember that hilarious quote in your sig. Now I have to find the context which led Simon Jester to say it.

Regardless, most people aren't likely to respond well to "qualified" apologies.

In case you are wondering, it was here.

[Steve]

I understand if you still feel angry about things, but you completely undermined your apology by not just bringing it back up, but then calling out your antagonist by name. That makes this seem like less of a real apology and more like a passive-aggressive one. Even accounting for what you're saying - that the way you were confronted did nothing to convince you at the time and only prolonged your bad behavior - bringing it up this way and in this manner was a mistake. So yes, you're probably going to catch hell for it. Take your lumps and move on, it's the best way to deal with it.

That said, good on you for realizing the issue. It's not always easy to look back and realize "Wow, I was a colossal moron, wasn't I?", or to have to give up previously-held beliefs and thoughts. It's just a step you have to take to mature as a person and improve. I wish you good luck for that endeavor and others.

[Simon_Jester]

Yeah.

The problem is that people who are apologizing for being stupid tend to have been emotionally worked up at the time, and the memory "I was stupid" doesn't always make them feel like the emotions were invalid. So you get this endless stream of "I'm sorry I did something dumb, BUT" apologies.

In interpersonal relations this is kind of necessary for mutual understanding- we need to resolve that one, I did something dumb, and two, something you did made me dumber, caused me to get emotionally worked up.

But when delivering a public apology it doesn't work that way, because condemning the people who offended you and apologizing to the people who you offended at the same time just looks like two things that cancel each other out. Because you can't really differentiate and say "this part of my apology applies to what I did, this part applies to someone else."

I don't really remember your racist rants - but I do remember that hilarious quote in your sig. Now I have to find the context which led Simon Jester to say it.

Regardless, most people aren't likely to respond well to "qualified" apologies.

In case you are wondering, it was here.

Actually, here:

http://bbs.stardestroyer.net/viewtopic. ... d#p3791612

About a year or so earlier.

[Thanas]

That being said, the assholes who gaslit me and ran me off the board are still fucking assholes. If you're reading this, fuck you Metahive and whoever else it was. Yeah, I was hiding the fact that I was neurodivergent, and maybe you didn't realize just how traumatizing it would be for me, but that is no better an excuse for your actions than my ignorance was for mine.

Saying "I was wrong but you assholes enabled me" is not a smart thing to do. Kinda makes one go "why the hell do we tolerate this asshole back if he cannot even apologize properly for racist rants?".

As a result, I have temp-banned you for the week, which may be changed to a permaban based on how the mods feel about this. Topic locked.