Echo's

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-09-30 05:19pm

Prologue:
Somewhere in the south pacific lies a small island, once, long ago, in a period now long lost to the sands of time it was a Mecca of technology over flowing with a massive and knowledgeable populace. Now, the only remnants to attest to this are a ghostly uninhabited cityscape in the center of the island and a few tribes living around the edge of the island too terrified by whispered echo’s of the past to enter the foreboding city-scape now choked with vegetation, to prowl the ruined streets, to venture near the rubble of the nuclear waste storage facility which even with the massive quantities of radiation it absorbed has long since ceased glowing. The island is near dying for unknown reasons, the tribes are in a constant state of war and there appears to be something stirring in the ghostly city. Now stands a time for the leader of one of the tribes to make a move, venture into the city and risk waking up echo’s of the past, or stay outside and become one yourself.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-10-01 05:03pm

Is it so bad that no one will reply. Well strike one more attempt at writing for enjoyment.

Crazedwraith · Post by **Crazedwraith** » 2003-10-01 05:05pm

It ok, thers just not enough of it to really be able to say anythink.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-10-02 09:43am

1. Formatting it wouldn't hurt.
2. It's actually quite good - the idea about a deceased civilization in the Pacific Ocean as well as the ominous tone just oozes H.P. Lovecraft.
3. I urge you to continue the story. It seems very exciting.

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-02 10:40am

Simon H.Johansen wrote:1. Formatting it wouldn't hurt.
2. It's actually quite good - the idea about a deceased civilization in the Pacific Ocean as well as the ominous tone just oozes H.P. Lovecraft.
3. I urge you to continue the story. It seems very exciting.

4. Work a little on your gammar.
5. Make future chapters longer than this.

But I would like to see more.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-10-02 08:04pm

soon as i get my home work done i'll write some more.

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-10-02 10:26pm

Hope this works out, if it's crap i'll rewrite this. Now i geuss i'll get that stupid homework doen.

Chapter 1, Act 1:Kuri stalked round the tree listening intently, seemingly searching for something, game had been scarce lately and while he wasn’t sure what he was following at the moment he was bound and determined not to let it get away.
By the sounds it was making it was big, the decline in game had been especially apparent with large animals.
Coming to a cliff face and moving along it for some ways he eventually saw movement ahead and notched an arrow preparing to down his game. Suddenly the wall next to him exploded in a blinding flash, the air seemed to be buzzing as though an unperceived swarm of angry bees were attacking him. Kuri hurriedly drew back his arrow and let it fly at the perceived source of the assault, praying to the gods that it would fly straight and true.
Apparently it did as he was met with an oddly metallic clang and then, as suddenly as it had started, the buzzing stopped. Walking to where the arrow had flown he found a trail leading towards the forbidden city of the ancients and nothing more. Turning back he saw that the cliff face where he’d been standing was pot marked with many small craters and covered in a spider web of cracks…

Post by **Kuja** » 2003-10-03 12:45am

Man...you gotta write longer chapters than that...I mean, what's there is good, but there's nothing to it, nothing's really developed. I'm not bashing you, but it's extraordinarily to fit a chapter's worth of plot into three paragraphs.

Peregrin Toker · Post by **Peregrin Toker** » 2003-10-03 10:00am

Looks very nice as far, it seems like you took my comment about Lovecraft resemblance and decided to go for a slightly pulpish style.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2003-10-03 12:00pm

Why is the title posessive?
Echo's
Was it supposed to be Echos?

darthdavid · Post by **darthdavid** » 2003-10-03 07:20pm

Yeah, uh, oops. Well more to come over the weekend as i write some real chapters.