Hippo vs Polar Bear in downtown Harlem

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2004-02-06 09:55am

I don't want to give a home turf advantage to either one, so let's assume they're duking it out in downtown Harlem

Which one dies first?

InnerBrat · Post by **InnerBrat** » 2004-02-06 10:03am

Hippos are bad ass.

Post by **Lagmonster** » 2004-02-06 10:54am

I'll give it to the polar bear. Those things have way more sharp ends to use, and they're faster.

Chardok · Post by **Chardok** » 2004-02-06 11:33am

Hippos fight all the time. They have HUGE stabby-teeth. polar bear would try to bitch-slap with their paws and the hippo would laugh. then, it would shit all over the place and stab the bear in the nuts with his teeth. Bear runs, bleeds todeath and hippo heard approches his corpse at night, in the ritual hippo mourning gathering. (See the "River Master" a Nature special for reference)

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2004-02-06 11:58am

Starr jones easily, Rosie O'Donnell has been hampered in recent weeks and is still distraught over her broadway show. tarr also can fling and endless supply of payless shoes and since rosie is a lesbian she will be less motivated than star jones from the first Prize Ham.

Gil Hamilton · Post by **Gil Hamilton** » 2004-02-06 01:11pm

I'm thinking the hippo. Especially if it's hungry.

GrandMasterTerwynn · Post by **GrandMasterTerwynn** » 2004-02-06 01:20pm

Hamel wrote:I don't want to give a home turf advantage to either one, so let's assume they're duking it out in downtown Harlem

Which one dies first?

Hippos are mean and tough sonofaguns. Thick hides, short tempers, though not quite as suited to land life as they ought to be.

Polar bears are highly intelligent carnivores. Very patient and very resourceful. And polar bears can and do kill seals, walruses, whales, humans etc, etc, etc. Sometimes, when times aren't lean, they'll kill just because it's fun. (One polar bear was observed to kill eighteen narwhals in one session (a narwhal is a whale with a long horn sticking out of its forehead that lives in the arctic.))

Unfortunately, a polar bear has the critical disadvantage of losing almost no body heat. Even in the arctic, they overheat quickly from strenuous exertion. In Harlem, this problem would be much, much worse.

If the polar bear gets the drop on the hippo, then the polar bear kicks serious ass. If not, then the polar bear is forced to break into somebody's pool.

Straha · Post by **Straha** » 2004-02-06 01:27pm

The New Yorker in me speaks!

Harlem is above 100th street (roughly,) Downtown is anything (roughly again) Below 42nd, 14th, or Canal street, depending on where you live. Hence, this entire thing is flawed.

EDIT: Besides, if it's in Harlem the Bear goes down because he's a white boy.

Shadow WarChief · Post by **Shadow WarChief** » 2004-02-06 03:27pm

Straha wrote:The New Yorker in me speaks!

Harlem is above 100th street (roughly,) Downtown is anything (roughly again) Below 42nd, 14th, or Canal street, depending on where you live. Hence, this entire thing is flawed.

EDIT: Besides, if it's in Harlem the Bear goes down because he's a white boy.

Actually, Polar Bear skin is black, it's their hollow hairs that give them the appearane of being white.

So if anything, PB will be able to call for back up

But in all seriousness, I'd say the hippo would win this. They've been known to chope Nile Crocodiles in half with a single bite.

2000AD · Post by **2000AD** » 2004-02-06 03:29pm

Even Lions leave hippos alone and IIRC hippos kill more people in Africa each year than any other animal. I give it to the hungry, hungry hippo, though it might be at a disadvantage being out of water.

Post by **Sea Skimmer** » 2004-02-06 04:09pm

The polar bear would go down first; the hippos thick skin will offer considerable protection against the polar bears claws and teeth, and police gunfire, while any hits with its tusks or teeth on the bear will inflict considerable damage if not be outright incapacitating or fatal.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-02-06 04:29pm

The hippo wins this, then gets gunned down by the local gangstas.

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Robert Walper · Post by **Robert Walper** » 2004-02-06 05:02pm

Some info anyhow(mostly observed upper limits)

Hippopotamus:
~~~~~~~~~~~
Mass: 3200 kg
Height: 1.65 meters
Length: 5.16 meters
Speed: 30 kph

Polar Bear:
~~~~~~~~
Mass: 650 kg
Height: 1.61 meters
Length: 3 meters
Speed: 40 kph

The Aliens · Post by **The Aliens** » 2004-02-07 10:49pm

Hippo is also better suited to Harlem conditions than the Polar Bear is- it masses mroe and has a thicker hide. Hippo takes it.

DPDarkPrimus · Post by **DPDarkPrimus** » 2004-02-07 11:40pm

The goddamn hippo wins.

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2004-02-07 11:44pm

The hippo wins since they are bigger and much heavier than the polar bear. Their mouth is huge with massive teeths so they could actualy swallow the polar bear.

Enigma · Post by **Enigma** » 2004-02-07 11:52pm

I've watched a National Geographic program that documented life in pond somewhere in Africa. In that pond were hippos and crocodiles. It was mentioned and it showed in the program that the crocs know whos king. Hell, even baby hippos can harrass any croc for as long as the baby hippo wants and the croc takes it. If a hippo wants a spot that is occuppied by a croc, all the hippo does is nudge it and the croc leaves.

So the polar bear will go down faster than a dress on prom night.

Post by **Alyrium Denryle** » 2004-02-08 12:49am

Polar bear wins. The polar bear, while it is less durable, the hippo can only attack with one end and is less than flexible. Not only that, but hippos do not support their own weight outside watr very well, and sunburn HELLAFAST.

Polar bears are also known for taking out adult walrusesm which are at least comparable in skin durability and thickness.

Enigma · Post by **Enigma** » 2004-02-08 01:04am

Alyrium Denryle wrote:Polar bear wins. The polar bear, while it is less durable, the hippo can only attack with one end and is less than flexible. Not only that, but hippos do not support their own weight outside watr very well, and sunburn HELLAFAST.

Polar bears are also known for taking out adult walrusesm which are at least comparable in skin durability and thickness.

Crocs have tougher skin than polar bears and a hippo can bite a 10 foot croc in half.

Here's a quote from thebigzoo.com

"....The hippopotamus is territorial and once it establishes its territory it will attempt to chase off any interlopers. When a hippopotamus opens its mouth very wide it may be trying to scare a potential rival away by showing off its canine teeth. These teeth can be 20 inches long. During a fight, male hippopotamuses will ram each other with their mouths open using there heads as sledgehammers, which brings their canines into play, and using their lower jaw to throw water at each other."

As for lasting long on land. scz.org;

"Broad snout, large mouth, short barrel-like body and short, stocky legs. The nostrils are located on top of the snout and can be closed. The sparsely-haired skin contains special pores which secrete "blood sweat." This thick, oily, pinkish substance allows them to remain in water or on dry land for long periods.
Size of average adult
length: 12 - 15 feet
height: 5 feet
weight: 2,000 - 10,000 lbs"

For it's agility, nature-wildlife.com;

"More agile than it looks: gallops at 18 mph (30 kph) in an emergency and half that speed in a jouncy trot, normally the fastest gait. Turns on a dime, climbs steep banks, but is unable to jump and won't even, step over obstacles"

Hippo wins hands down.

Hamel · Post by **Hamel** » 2004-02-08 01:07am

the polar bear does a kamehameha and takes out the hippo, arousing any gang membars who happen to be toting nerf guns at the time

Roy Orbinson makes a call to 50 Cent, who makes a call to Fred Barnes, who has sex with Richard Gere, who hires a maid to service the polar bear in his $2500/month Manhattan apartment

"wait wait wait wait. Who unionized?"
"Probably your mama"

Enigma · Post by **Enigma** » 2004-02-08 01:10am

Hamel wrote:the polar bear does a kamehameha and takes out the hippo, arousing any gang membars who happen to be toting nerf guns at the time

Roy Orbinson makes a call to 50 Cent, who makes a call to Fred Barnes, who has sex with Richard Gere, who hires a maid to service the polar bear in his $2500/month Manhattan apartment

...............

Then Hamel wakes up to find a huge wet spot on his sheets.

StarDestroyer.Net BBS

Hippo vs Polar Bear in downtown Harlem

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Hippo vs Polar Bear in downtown Harlem

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