Joke Thread # Whatever

Montcalm · Post by **Montcalm** » 2004-03-08 10:13pm

Q: What is the name of Palpatine`s brother?

A: Ovaltine.

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-03-08 10:47pm

Q. What did Legolas see when he looked into the Mirror of Galadriel?

A: A Bloomin' fine Elf.

i about busted a gut when i came across this one...

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2004-03-08 11:45pm

elheru, i think you should explain..

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-03-09 12:01am

Orlando Bloom=Legolas. That's what made it funny for me... sorry if you didn't catch it the first time.

kojikun · Post by **kojikun** » 2004-03-09 12:15am

but how does that make it funny???

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-03-09 12:19am

Legolas looks in the mirror and sees Orlando Bloom... who is Legolas... it's the kinda joke you have to get the first time around for it to be really funny, sorry! maybe someone else can explain...

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2004-03-09 12:26am

Elheru Aran wrote:Legolas looks in the mirror and sees Orlando Bloom... who is Legolas... it's the kinda joke you have to get the first time around for it to be really funny, sorry! maybe someone else can explain...

Looks like it's up to me.

[teen girl]Orlando Bloom is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!!!!!!![/teen girl]

So...filthy...must wash...

Soontir C'boath · Post by **Soontir C'boath** » 2004-03-09 12:26am

Well it died the first round.

~Jason

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-03-09 12:35am

*Melts down thread for scrap.
*Waits for mod to come in and stamp it with something silly like a warning from dalton or a lock.

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-03-09 12:39am

Nobody else has any jokes??? Aw, hell... this being SDnet i'm sure there are a good few around!

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-03-09 12:43am

SDnet is all about the deviant wit and sarcastic replies, not the oneliners.
Though fgalkin's got a few.

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-03-09 12:44am

Me? All I have is a bunch of translated Russian jokes (some of which are funny to Americans, some are not)

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-03-09 12:48am

might as well give us some... you'll find out soon enough whether or not they're good!

Post by **fgalkin** » 2004-03-09 12:56am

Here's the most popular one (many of you have heard it)

A Russian nuclear submarine meets an US nuclear sub. The Russians invite the Americans over for a visit. Suddenly, as the Americans enter, they hear a shout and much cursing by the Russian captain:

WHOT THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHO THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?! (etc.)

The American captais tells his Russian colleague: "How can you subject your crew to such abuse? Back in the USA, we....."

"THERE IS NO MORE FUCKING USA, YOU IDIOT! WHO DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?!"

Good enough for you?

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-03-09 12:59am

LOL! not bad... a bit silly, but I guess that's the idea!

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2004-03-09 01:01am

fgalkin wrote:Here's the most popular one (many of you have heard it)

A Russian nuclear submarine meets an US nuclear sub. The Russians invite the Americans over for a visit. Suddenly, as the Americans enter, they hear a shout and much cursing by the Russian captain:

WHOT THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHO THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?! (etc.)

The American captais tells his Russian colleague: "How can you subject your crew to such abuse? Back in the USA, we....."

"THERE IS NO MORE FUCKING USA, YOU IDIOT! WHO DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?!"

Good enough for you?

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Woah! I just had a flashback to when Teal'c tried to tell that joke on SG1....

I don't get it....

Howedar · Post by **Howedar** » 2004-03-09 01:03am

I assume they dropped the boot on the missile launch board of a SSBN.

Temjin · Post by **Temjin** » 2004-03-09 01:05am

ohhhh...

Now I get it.

Thanks.

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-03-09 01:10am

More please! Anybody?

Sarevok · Post by **Sarevok** » 2004-03-09 02:28am

fgalkin wrote:Here's the most popular one (many of you have heard it)

A Russian nuclear submarine meets an US nuclear sub. The Russians invite the Americans over for a visit. Suddenly, as the Americans enter, they hear a shout and much cursing by the Russian captain:

WHOT THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHO THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?! (etc.)

The American captais tells his Russian colleague: "How can you subject your crew to such abuse? Back in the USA, we....."

"THERE IS NO MORE FUCKING USA, YOU IDIOT! WHO DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?!"

Good enough for you?

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin

Lol. That was a good one.

Symmetry · Post by **Symmetry** » 2004-03-09 02:39am

I suppose I'll start with the two canonical MIT freshmen physics jokes:

Q: What do you get when you cross a mouse and an elephant?

A: Mouse Elephant Sin Theta.

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

A: You can't cross a scalar and a vector!

I have some Scotsman/Sheep jokes too, but on second thought I probably shouldn't.

Darth Fanboy · Post by **Darth Fanboy** » 2004-03-09 02:46am

Symmetry wrote:
I have some Scotsman/Sheep jokes too, but on second thought I probably shouldn't.

Just replace "Scotsman" with "New Zealander" and you will get a mostly warm reception!

Comosicus · Post by **Comosicus** » 2004-03-09 03:16am

Radio conversation in the Atlantic ocean between Americans and Canadians:

A: Please change your course 15 degrees north to avoid colision. This is captain John of US Navy. I repeat: change course.
C: Sorry, but it is you who must change course.
A: This is the nuclear carrier "Abraham Lincoln" and it's task force. We request you change course or will have to enforce the security of this vessel.
C: This is a lighthouse. You decide.

Thinkmarble · Post by **Thinkmarble** » 2004-03-09 05:08am

Be epsilon < 0

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2004-03-09 07:56am

In the middle of a forest, a tourist was suddenly confronted with a huge, mean, hungry bear. He turned and started to run as fast as he could. He ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff and has no escape. He fell on his knees, opened his arms to heaven and began to pray, "God, please give this bear some religion!"

Suddenly, there was mighty thunder and lightning and the skies parted and the bear stopped just a feet short of the tourist, and it too fell to its knees and began to pray.

"Dear God" said the bear "I give thee thanks for what I am about to receive..."