Joke Thread # Whatever

OT: anything goes!

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Montcalm
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Joke Thread # Whatever

Post by Montcalm »

Q: What is the name of Palpatine`s brother?


A: Ovaltine.

:mrgreen:
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Elheru Aran
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Post by Elheru Aran »

Q. What did Legolas see when he looked into the Mirror of Galadriel?







A: A Bloomin' fine Elf.

i about busted a gut when i came across this one... :lol:
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Post by kojikun »

elheru, i think you should explain..
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Post by Elheru Aran »

Orlando Bloom=Legolas. That's what made it funny for me... sorry if you didn't catch it the first time.
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Post by kojikun »

but how does that make it funny??? :?
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Post by Elheru Aran »

Legolas looks in the mirror and sees Orlando Bloom... who is Legolas... it's the kinda joke you have to get the first time around for it to be really funny, sorry! maybe someone else can explain...
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Post by Mayabird »

Elheru Aran wrote:Legolas looks in the mirror and sees Orlando Bloom... who is Legolas... it's the kinda joke you have to get the first time around for it to be really funny, sorry! maybe someone else can explain...
Looks like it's up to me.

[teen girl]Orlando Bloom is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!!!!!!![/teen girl]

So...filthy...must wash... :cry:
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Post by Soontir C'boath »

Well it died the first round. :?~Jason
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Post by SyntaxVorlon »

*Melts down thread for scrap.
*Waits for mod to come in and stamp it with something silly like a warning from dalton or a lock.
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Post by Elheru Aran »

Nobody else has any jokes??? Aw, hell... this being SDnet i'm sure there are a good few around!
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Post by SyntaxVorlon »

SDnet is all about the deviant wit and sarcastic replies, not the oneliners.
Though fgalkin's got a few.
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WE, however, do meddle in the affairs of others.
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Post by fgalkin »

Me? All I have is a bunch of translated Russian jokes (some of which are funny to Americans, some are not)

Have a very nice day.
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Post by Elheru Aran »

might as well give us some... you'll find out soon enough whether or not they're good!
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Post by fgalkin »

Here's the most popular one (many of you have heard it)

A Russian nuclear submarine meets an US nuclear sub. The Russians invite the Americans over for a visit. Suddenly, as the Americans enter, they hear a shout and much cursing by the Russian captain:

WHOT THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHO THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?! (etc.)

The American captais tells his Russian colleague: "How can you subject your crew to such abuse? Back in the USA, we....."

"THERE IS NO MORE FUCKING USA, YOU IDIOT! WHO DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?!"

Good enough for you?

Have a very nice day.
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Post by Elheru Aran »

:lol: :lol: LOL! not bad... a bit silly, but I guess that's the idea! :D
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Post by Temjin »

fgalkin wrote:Here's the most popular one (many of you have heard it)

A Russian nuclear submarine meets an US nuclear sub. The Russians invite the Americans over for a visit. Suddenly, as the Americans enter, they hear a shout and much cursing by the Russian captain:

WHOT THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHO THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?! (etc.)

The American captais tells his Russian colleague: "How can you subject your crew to such abuse? Back in the USA, we....."

"THERE IS NO MORE FUCKING USA, YOU IDIOT! WHO DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?!"

Good enough for you?

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin
Woah! I just had a flashback to when Teal'c tried to tell that joke on SG1....

I don't get it....
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Post by Howedar »

I assume they dropped the boot on the missile launch board of a SSBN.
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Post by Temjin »

ohhhh...

Now I get it.

Thanks.
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Post by Elheru Aran »

More please! Anybody?
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Post by Sarevok »

fgalkin wrote:Here's the most popular one (many of you have heard it)

A Russian nuclear submarine meets an US nuclear sub. The Russians invite the Americans over for a visit. Suddenly, as the Americans enter, they hear a shout and much cursing by the Russian captain:

WHOT THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHO THE FUCK DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTROLS?! WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?! (etc.)

The American captais tells his Russian colleague: "How can you subject your crew to such abuse? Back in the USA, we....."

"THERE IS NO MORE FUCKING USA, YOU IDIOT! WHO DROPPED THE BOOT ON THE CONTOLS?!"

Good enough for you?

Have a very nice day.
-fgalkin
Lol. That was a good one.
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Post by Symmetry »

I suppose I'll start with the two canonical MIT freshmen physics jokes:

Q: What do you get when you cross a mouse and an elephant?

A: Mouse Elephant Sin Theta.

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

A: You can't cross a scalar and a vector!

I have some Scotsman/Sheep jokes too, but on second thought I probably shouldn't.
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Post by Darth Fanboy »

Symmetry wrote:
I have some Scotsman/Sheep jokes too, but on second thought I probably shouldn't.
Just replace "Scotsman" with "New Zealander" and you will get a mostly warm reception!
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Post by Comosicus »

Radio conversation in the Atlantic ocean between Americans and Canadians:

A: Please change your course 15 degrees north to avoid colision. This is captain John of US Navy. I repeat: change course.
C: Sorry, but it is you who must change course.
A: This is the nuclear carrier "Abraham Lincoln" and it's task force. We request you change course or will have to enforce the security of this vessel.
C: This is a lighthouse. You decide.
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Post by Thinkmarble »

Be epsilon < 0
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Post by Ace Pace »

In the middle of a forest, a tourist was suddenly confronted with a huge, mean, hungry bear. He turned and started to run as fast as he could. He ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff and has no escape. He fell on his knees, opened his arms to heaven and began to pray, "God, please give this bear some religion!"

Suddenly, there was mighty thunder and lightning and the skies parted and the bear stopped just a feet short of the tourist, and it too fell to its knees and began to pray.

"Dear God" said the bear "I give thee thanks for what I am about to receive..."
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