Why do guys do this?

[InnerBrat]

"You know it hurts me to see you upset"

Oh gee, thanks guys. Knowing that I'm hurting you makes all my pain go away.

"You're much prettier when you smile"

And obviously the only thing I was thinking about was how pretty I am.

and others in a similar vein.

Seriously, why do so many guys seem to think emotional blackmail can make a woman feel better?

[GoldenFalcon]

Maybe it stems from the old stereotype of women being "emotionally weaker than men", and some men acting on it.

[CrimsonRaine]

"You know it hurts me to see you upset"

Oh gee, thanks guys. Knowing that I'm hurting you makes all my pain go away.

"You're much prettier when you smile"

And obviously the only thing I was thinking about was how pretty I am.

and others in a similar vein.

Seriously, why do so many guys seem to think emotional blackmail can make a woman feel better?

... What? "You know it hurts me to see you upset" actually makes me feel better. First of all, if I'm upset, it makes me feel better to know that he is, too. Secondly, it shows that he cares. =/

And generally, most people are prettier when they smile. When you're sad, your face slacks and when you cry, your eyes and lips swell.

Crimson Raine

[Demiurge]

The first one is a way of showing that he cares.

[InnerBrat]

... What? "You know it hurts me to see you upset" actually makes me feel better. First of all, if I'm upset, it makes me feel better to know that he is, too. Secondly, it shows that he cares. =/

I don't understand. Why does it make you feel better to know that you're hurting someone?

And generally, most people are prettier when they smile. When you're sad, your face slacks and when you cry, your eyes and lips swell

I agree, but sayign it to someone who has more on their mind then how pretty they are is insulting, to me.

[Batman]

And generally, most people are prettier when they smile. When you're sad, your face slacks and when you cry, your eyes and lips swell.
Crimson Raine

While undeniably true, I venture that an inquiry as to the reason for the sadness and maybe even an effort to make it go away would be much better appreciated than a statement which basically translates as 'Stop being ugly, I don't like it'

But hey, I've been single for the past 65 years, what do I know.

[CrimsonRaine]

I don't understand. Why does it make you feel better to know that you're hurting someone?

Because he's usually the one who's hurt me. It's fair.

I agree, but sayign it to someone who has more on their mind then how pretty they are is insulting, to me.

Aye, it can be like changing the subject, but that's kind of the point. I've noticed this many times with my SO -- it's to lighten the subject. Not to say I agree with it, especially if you're in an argument or something. But it's a compliment. I don't dismiss those. Ever.

Crimson Raine

[CrimsonRaine]

While undeniably true, I venture that an inquiry as to the reason for the sadness and maybe even an effort to make it go away would be much better appreciated than a statement which basically translates as 'Stop being ugly, I don't like it'

It may be just me, but that translation is really pushing what's said too far.

Crimson Raine

[InnerBrat]

I don't understand. Why does it make you feel better to know that you're hurting someone?

Because he's usually the one who's hurt me. It's fair.

Yes, but does he not use this as a catch-all 'stop sulking' phrase?
As in "I know you've been rejected from university and you hate your job, but I can't do anything about that and you're upsetting me so stop your snivelling and give me a blowjob"?

I agree, but sayign it to someone who has more on their mind then how pretty they are is insulting, to me.

Aye, it can be like changing the subject, but that's kind of the point. I've noticed this many times with my SO -- it's to lighten the subject. Not to say I agree with it, especially if you're in an argument or something. But it's a compliment. I don't dismiss those. Ever

See above, really. It's not a compliment, really, it's as Batman says, a plee to you to stop being ugly.

[InnerBrat]

While undeniably true, I venture that an inquiry as to the reason for the sadness and maybe even an effort to make it go away would be much better appreciated than a statement which basically translates as 'Stop being ugly, I don't like it'

It may be just me, but that translation is really pushing what's said too far.

Crimson Raine

No, I think that's accurate. You attempt to make the woman in question stop crying or generally being depressed by appealing to her vanity.

[CrimsonRaine]

While undeniably true, I venture that an inquiry as to the reason for the sadness and maybe even an effort to make it go away would be much better appreciated than a statement which basically translates as 'Stop being ugly, I don't like it'

It may be just me, but that translation is really pushing what's said too far.

Crimson Raine

No, I think that's accurate. You attempt to make the woman in question stop crying or generally being depressed by appealing to her vanity.

=P Maybe I'm more male than I thought. Whatever.

I've never thought that crying solved anything besides stress. And as I said, I don't piss away any compliment.

Crimson Raine

[InnerBrat]

=P Maybe I'm more male than I thought. Whatever.

I've never thought that crying solved anything besides stress. And as I said, I don't piss away any compliment.

Crimson Raine

And what's wrong with stress?
Why can't someone have a good cry or otherwise be depressed without worrying about upsetting someone else or looking ugly?

[Batman]

I've never thought that crying solved anything besides stress. And as I said, I don't piss away any compliment.
Crimson Raine

It's not a compliment. It's a declaration that he cares more about your looks than about your problems.

[jenat-lai]

My soulmate and best friend still looks cute when she crys.

[The Yosemite Bear]

Some of this shite get's programmed into us, like that "ignore pain, especially emotional pain" rule. Basically we are told by society, that we don't have emotions, we exist to do the heavy work, and be big huge comforting rocks for the women. (how one hugs a rock is unknown). basically we are trying to say, confess to us, in detail (we don't get subtly it has to be in detail), we will listen, and try to give comfort, as all this emotional stuff is far beyond our socological training level.

It's not that men are stupid, it's just that we are trained not to awknolege our emotions, so we are thus uncomfortable in emotional situations. After all from an evolutionary standpoint we are the expendable ones, who are supposed to die in droves for your benefit.

[RogueIce]

Wow, I never knew it could be interpreted like that...

I can undertsand the "You look prettier when you smile," thing, to an extent, but the "You know it hurts me to see you upset," I'd always figured was just a way of showing sympathy for someone, and that their happiness is tied into yours.

Certainly nothing having to do with "get over it and give me a blowjob."

[Andrew J.]

"You know it hurts me to see you upset"

Oh gee, thanks guys. Knowing that I'm hurting you makes all my pain go away.

Consider the alternatives:

"When you're upset, I feel nothing at all."

"When you're upset, it makes me happy."

[The Yosemite Bear]

=P Maybe I'm more male than I thought. Whatever.

I've never thought that crying solved anything besides stress. And as I said, I don't piss away any compliment.

Crimson Raine

And what's wrong with stress?
Why can't someone have a good cry or otherwise be depressed without worrying about upsetting someone else or looking ugly?

Because "Boys don't Cry", sorry we have a lot of fucked up code in our social role programming. We're told that we don't feel this or that, heaven forbid we should show it publically, that's why we have to rant anonomusly, and kill things in a virtual enviornment, or take up some for of recreation that involves the potential for serious injury/disfigurment. (ohh I think I'll go rock climbing, and take a pitch that has the potential to be leathal if I fuck up, maybe go dirt biking, or just drive my car way too fast.)

[Batman]

"You know it hurts me to see you upset"
Oh gee, thanks guys. Knowing that I'm hurting you makes all my pain go away.

Consider the alternatives:
"When you're upset, I feel nothing at all."
"When you're upset, it makes me happy."

Of course, because 'What's wrong' is certainly not an option.

[Durandal]

Why does a guy do anything? Sex.

"You know it hurts me to see you upset"

Oh gee, thanks guys. Knowing that I'm hurting you makes all my pain go away.

He's trying to tell you that he cares. You can't really love someone if you don't empathize with her.

"You're much prettier when you smile"

And obviously the only thing I was thinking about was how pretty I am.

and others in a similar vein.

Seriously, why do so many guys seem to think emotional blackmail can make a woman feel better?

It's not black mail if it's sincere. I'll put it this way, he's not trying to make you feel worse.

[Andrew J.]

"You know it hurts me to see you upset"
Oh gee, thanks guys. Knowing that I'm hurting you makes all my pain go away.

Consider the alternatives:
"When you're upset, I feel nothing at all."
"When you're upset, it makes me happy."

Of course, because 'What's wrong' is certainly not an option.

Uh, this is for after you already know what's wrong.

[Bertie Wooster]

"You know it hurts me to see you upset"

Oh gee, thanks guys. Knowing that I'm hurting you makes all my pain go away.

Consider the alternatives:

"When you're upset, I feel nothing at all."

"When you're upset, it makes me happy."

A guy reacting to a girl's emotional distress by talking about his own feelings shows a lack of interest in her feelings.

Basically, the girl in the scenario is showing that there is a problem and she's distressed about it and the guy's reaction is to try to get her to lavish HIMSELF with attention.

The guy in the scenario is thus coming across as an infantile egoist who seems to lack the emotional understanding to convey to the girl that her "feelings" matter to him. He's ignoring the issue of her feelings and instead saying that her behavior of acting distressed is making him feel uncomfortable and unhappy.

A lot of dudes are insensitive like that.

[Mayabird]

"You know it hurts me to see you upset"
Oh gee, thanks guys. Knowing that I'm hurting you makes all my pain go away.

Consider the alternatives:
"When you're upset, I feel nothing at all."
"When you're upset, it makes me happy."

Of course, because 'What's wrong' is certainly not an option.

It took me a moment to realize that you were being sarcastic.

Do I just have awesome/weird guy friends? Because whenever I'm upset they ask me what's wrong and if I really look sad they'll also ask if I need a hug then listen to my woes. I'm supposed to be surrounded by emotionally inept geeky guys but they seem to understand me quite well.

Of course there aren't many other girls around for them to learn from...heck, they're probably getting bad ideas about how they're supposed to act from me. Hmm...girls are impressed by extensive knowledge of math and RPGs and like flowers, science fiction, and hugs.

[Andrew J.]

A guy reacting to a girl's emotional distress by talking about his own feelings shows a lack of interest in her feelings.

Basically, the girl in the scenario is showing that there is a problem and she's distressed about it and the guy's reaction is to try to get her to lavish HIMSELF with attention.

The guy in the scenario is thus coming across as an infantile egoist who seems to lack the emotional understanding to convey to the girl that her "feelings" matter to him. He's ignoring the issue of her feelings and instead saying that her behavior of acting distressed is making him feel uncomfortable and unhappy.

A lot of dudes are insensitive like that.

Jesus. If you really wanna read that much into it, go the fuck ahead.

[Batman]

It took me a moment to realize that you were being sarcastic.

I thought I was obvious enough. I guess there is a sarcasm tag for a reason.My apologies.

Do I just have awesome/weird guy friends? Because whenever I'm upset they ask me what's wrong and if I really look sad they'll also ask if I need a hug then listen to my woes. I'm supposed to be surrounded by emotionally inept geeky guys but they seem to understand me quite well.

There's your answer. Us geeks are way underrated.

Hmm...girls are impressed by extensive knowledge of math and RPGs and like flowers, science fiction, and hugs.

Well, the flowers and hugs seem to be universal, the math thing would explain why I'm still single, and frankly I've met very few people but me who are interested in RPGs regargless of gender.
Oh wait, you meant roleplaying games. Nevermind me.