Anti-Troll Jihad Advertising

[weemadando]

Advertisement No.1 Target Audience: Children, ages 4-10.

-start-

[cue: shot of glum looking cute kid]

VO [really happy perky voice]: "Hey kids! Parents trying to indoctrinate you into an age-old religious organisation that promotes hatred, bigotry and close-mindedness?"

[kid nods vigoroursly]

VO: "Then it sounds like you need . . . The Anti-Troll Jihad!"

[kid's eye's light up]

VO: "The Jihad loves fighting fundies!"

[cue: silly cartoon battle noises]

[kids starts smiling and maybe even clapping]

VO: "No more Walls of Ignorance surrounding your fragile little mind! So remember - The Anti-Troll Jihad! Call 1-800-J-I-H-A-D!"

kid: "I love the Jihad!"

-end-

Advertisement No.2 Target Audience: Homeowners particularly housewives.

-start-

[Attractive "soccer-mum" type woman is standing in the kitchen, probably baking cookies for when the kids get home from school]

[cue: doorbell]

Woman: "I bet thats more of those fundamentalists with their informative pamphlets."

[cue: Flash of light: brochure appears on fridge, looks a lot like a takeaway menu]

[Woman does a remarkably fake double take]

[Zoom it to "brochure" at the top it reads: "Anti-Troll Jihad service list"]

Woman: "Wow!"

[scroll down list... stop at no.19 - "Fundie Beatdown"]

[Woman picks up phone and dials number]

[cue: Picture in Picture of REALLY attractive Jihad telephone operator]

Operator: "Anti-Troll Jihad, how can we help you?"

Woman: "Can I have a no.19 at [insert suitably WASPish address]"

Operator: "They're on their way."

[Cue: Both woman and operator smile inanely as they hang up]

[Cut to: Doorstep, generic fundie morons are standing there holding Jack Chick pamphlets]

[Cue: Unmarked van screeches to a halt...]

[Cut to: shot of woman looking through the peephole, we don't see what she does, we only see her looking]

[Cue: Scuffling noises and some random yelling]

[Cue: Woman smiling as she continues looking]

[Cut to: Unmarked van screaming away down the street, pan to a few scattered pamphlets (that have been trodden) on the doorstep and down the path]

[Cut to: Woman, back in the kitchen]

Woman: [turns to camera] Thankyou Anti-Troll Jihad!

VO: Remember, the Jihad is open for business 24 hours a day! 1-800-J-I-H-A-D!

-end-

[Ted]

ROFL

Thats great, any way you could actually do them?

[Kuja]

HA HA HA! Love it, Weem!

[weemadando]

ROFL

Thats great, any way you could actually do them?

Given a few days and the right equipment yes.

A friend has a REALLY good digital camera and editing suite, so it could be done. The key is finding the right people for the roles.

[Alyrium Denryle]

When you do you will post the video here right?

[Sea Skimmer]

Excellent

[Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi]

Those are good. But, wouldn't the number need 7 digits?

[weemadando]

Those are good. But, wouldn't the number need 7 digits?

*van screams to a halt outsides Smi's house. Several armed men pile out, rush inside, grab him and drag him back to the van. A red flash comes from inside and they kick him out the door and drive off*

[Raxmei]

For seven digits, just make the number G-O-J-I-H-A-D

[The Dark]

Or 1-800-N-O-T-R-O-L-L

[NecronLord]

[advert 3]

Fundies walking down street

fundies meet a sweet little child

"Hello little child, are you a christian?"

child shakes head

"then the lord is sending you to he-"

Cue fundies betting hit by a bus/necron Monolith/apc from my fictional universe. with Anti Troll Jihad on the side

[Alyrium Denryle]

(Anime style for those japanese children, lots of grand mal siezure inducing lights)

Street preacher:You are all sinners, now come to me ans accept jesus as your personal lord and savior<insert crazed laughter>

he pulls a small child besied him and eldritch and evil energy archs between his fingers

street preacher: If you want me to spare this child you will accept jesus into your hearts<more crazed laughter>

Childs mother: Anti Troll Jihad! Help me

From the air above a a shimmering radience is seen

Croud: Logic Man!

Logic man: LOGIC BEAM!

a beam of opure logic and knowledge streaks toward the crazed fundie and impacts on a powerfull barrier in a shimmering shower of sparks.

Street Preacher: HaHa You will never get through my WALLS OF (self)RIGHTOUSNESS(ignorance) IRRATIONAL THOUGHT CANNON!

a bolt of energy takes to the air directly toward Logic Man

Logic Man: REBUTTAL*smacks the ball of irratioanl thought back at the street preacher.

Logic Man: LOOOOOOOGIIIIIIIIIC BOOOOOOOOOOOMB!

A Ball of logical energy forms at his fingers and expands to about the size of an SUV, apon release it falls to the ground at a pace that completly throws the laws of gravit out the window it is so slow. It impacts on the walls of ignorance and they disolve away into nothingness.

by this time the child is safly in the hands of him mother

Logic Man: This will teach you to pick on little kids HARD FACTS!

Small balls each reciting a scientific law or theory careen toward the broken fundie, pelting him into oblivion with logic.

Crowd: Thanks Logic Man!

Logic Man: Just doing a days work, but remember everytie a street fundie is trying to smother your thought processes, JUST CALL THE JIHAD!

Logic Man streaks off into the horizon with one of those nifty starburts as he leaves visual range.


Produced by the ANTI TROLL JIHAD...Call 1-800-GO JIHAD !

[weemadando]

[advert 3]

Fundies walking down street

fundies meet a sweet little child

"Hello little child, are you a christian?"

child shakes head

"then the lord is sending you to he-"

Cue fundies betting hit by a bus/necron Monolith/apc from my fictional universe. with Anti Troll Jihad on the side

This gave me an idea...

Advertisement No.3 Target Audience: Teens/Young Adults.

-start-

[Street scene, Fundies are distributing Jack Chick pamphlets, not a car to be seen]

Fundies: [Spouting creationist bollocks]

[Lots of people walking past are getting hassled, just telling the fundies "No!" or "Piss off!"]

[cue: Fundie stepping into the middle of the the street]

Fundie: "God says that -"

[cue: Bus with Anti-Troll Jihad stenciled on the side splattering fundie]

TEXT: [BIG BOLD COLOURFUL PRINT] NATURAL SELECTION!

VO: [Elvis voice] Its natural selection baby... Call 1-800-J-I-H-A-D