The Onion Slams John Edwards

[Augustus]

The Real Quote:Veep candidate Edwards visits Newton

"We will do stem cell research," he vowed. "We will stop juvenile diabetes, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and other debilitating diseases. America just lost a great champion for this cause in Christopher Reeve. People like Chris Reeve will get out of their wheelchairs and walk again with stem cell research."--John Edwards

Thru the Power of JESUS - I command you BE HEALED!

The Onion: You Wanna See Some Goddamn Optimism?

If you put John Kerry and me in the White House, we'll have each one of you in the driver's seat of a brand-new SUV. Your bosses will be less cranky, your children will be kept in trucker hats and iPods, and your TV screens will grow even wider. Those who are bald will wake up one morning and magically find themselves with thick heads of luxurious, silky hair. You'll open your refrigerators and 15-pound hams will tumble out. Your dog might even start to talk, and the first thing he'll say is 'I love you.' It'll be that good."--John Edwards

LOL !:)

[Master of Ossus]

"If we eat McDonald's hamburgers and potatoes for a thousand years we will become taller, our skin become white and our hair blonde.”