A more conservative Jesus...

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » 2004-11-20 06:41pm

Dude... That is so scary it's melting my glasses. Put it away, please?

mauldooku · Post by **mauldooku** » 2004-11-21 01:14pm

So does Religious Right-Wing Jesus have a chance against Halo Jesus now? I can't wait for the vs.!

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2004-11-21 03:39pm

Well, Traditional Jesus could just end the fight by turning all the water in Redneck Jesus' body into wine.

Andrew J. · Post by **Andrew J.** » 2004-11-21 04:23pm

Have you seen Gun-toting NASCAR-driving Jesus on Conan?

Post by **Dalton** » 2004-11-21 04:37pm

He looks like he works as a bouncer in a strip club.

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2004-11-21 04:40pm

Dalton wrote:He looks like he works as a bouncer in a strip club.

"Git outta this House of SIN, buddy, before I smite yer ass!"

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-11-21 05:35pm

Drooling Iguana wrote:Well, Traditional Jesus could just end the fight by turning all the water in Redneck Jesus' body into wine.

Would one assume that Redneck Jesus could do the same, but with turning it into watery beer rather than wine?

Pablo Sanchez · Post by **Pablo Sanchez** » 2004-11-21 05:50pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Would one assume that Redneck Jesus could do the same, but with turning it into watery beer rather than wine?

Redneck Jesus dropped out of school in the third grade because "That thar seb-TRACKshun wuz too gol-damn hard fer me."

Cosmic Average · Post by **Cosmic Average** » 2004-11-21 06:34pm

Drooling Iguana wrote:Well, Traditional Jesus could just end the fight by turning all the water in Redneck Jesus' body into wine.

Would Hippie Jesus do such a thing? That seems more like a darkside power to me. No, Redneck Jesus shooting the pacifist hippie in the face seems much more likely.

frigidmagi · Post by **frigidmagi** » 2004-11-21 06:36pm

Jesus would hardly count has a hippie, he whipped the money lenders out of the temple.

Post by **The Yosemite Bear** » 2004-11-21 06:37pm

Drooling Iguana wrote:Well, Traditional Jesus could just end the fight by turning all the water in Redneck Jesus' body into wine.

he's a red neck, it's already that way.

mauldooku · Post by **mauldooku** » 2004-11-21 06:37pm

Cosmic Average wrote:
Drooling Iguana wrote:Well, Traditional Jesus could just end the fight by turning all the water in Redneck Jesus' body into wine.
Would Hippie Jesus do such a thing? That seems more like a darkside power to me. No, Redneck Jesus shooting the pacifist hippie in the face seems much more likely.

A discussion of the Force powers of different types of Jesus. Only on Stardestroyer.net

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi · Post by **Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi** » 2004-11-21 08:25pm

Pablo Sanchez wrote:
Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Would one assume that Redneck Jesus could do the same, but with turning it into watery beer rather than wine?
Redneck Jesus dropped out of school in the third grade because "That thar seb-TRACKshun wuz too gol-damn hard fer me."

Well, how would that affect his abilities to turn water into an alcoholic beverage?

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-11-21 08:27pm

Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:
Pablo Sanchez wrote:
Asst. Asst. Lt. Cmdr. Smi wrote:Would one assume that Redneck Jesus could do the same, but with turning it into watery beer rather than wine?
Redneck Jesus dropped out of school in the third grade because "That thar seb-TRACKshun wuz too gol-damn hard fer me."
Well, how would that affect his abilities to turn water into an alcoholic beverage?

Presumably he would have to know the chemical compostion of the compounds he was changing.

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2004-11-21 08:30pm

It's not like classic-flavour Jesus had any chemistry courses.

consequences · Post by **consequences** » 2004-11-21 08:34pm

Pcm979 wrote:It's not like classic-flavour Jesus had any chemistry courses.

Are you calling the Son of God a dummy?

Can't... keep... straight... face...

Well, lets see if I can come up with a more plausible bullshit theory.

Since beer is so easily acquired in this day and age, Redneck Jesus never learned to focus his will enough to achieve the effect, and is in fact, usually to hammered to be bothered too.

Captain Cyran · Post by **Captain Cyran** » 2004-11-21 09:41pm

Badme wrote:So does Religious Right-Wing Jesus have a chance against Halo Jesus now? I can't wait for the vs.!

Halo Jesus smites all. It's not a vs. it's a slaughter. And as for the picture... the gun isn't big enough.

Elheru Aran · Post by **Elheru Aran** » 2004-11-21 10:10pm

Captain_Cyran wrote:
Badme wrote:So does Religious Right-Wing Jesus have a chance against Halo Jesus now? I can't wait for the vs.!
Halo Jesus smites all. It's not a vs. it's a slaughter. And as for the picture... the gun isn't big enough.

Indeed-- it appears to be a popgun. The REAL Jesus would use a twelve-gauge pumpgun!

Mayabird · Post by **Mayabird** » 2004-11-21 10:14pm

Jesus doesn't need any massive compensation guns. Don't you know how He's hung?

Drooling Iguana · Post by **Drooling Iguana** » 2004-11-21 11:45pm

Mayabird wrote:Jesus doesn't need any massive compensation guns. Don't you know how He's hung?

With nails through his hands, that somehow manage to support his weight in direct violation of the laws of physics and human anatomy.

SyntaxVorlon · Post by **SyntaxVorlon** » 2004-11-22 01:05am

Badme wrote:So does Religious Right-Wing Jesus have a chance against Halo Jesus now? I can't wait for the vs.!

Halo Jesus! Only if he's got a full MC powersuit and assualt rifle.

Ace Pace · Post by **Ace Pace** » 2004-11-22 02:30am

Badme wrote:
A discussion of the Force powers of different types of Jesus. Only on Stardestroyer.net

FUQ!

Lancer · Post by **Lancer** » 2004-11-22 03:27am

SyntaxVorlon wrote:
Badme wrote:So does Religious Right-Wing Jesus have a chance against Halo Jesus now? I can't wait for the vs.!
Halo Jesus! Only if he's got a full MC powersuit and assualt rifle.

or the tried and true Energy Sword/Rocket Launcher combination.

off-topic:
A guy in the floor has an XBox and Halo 2, made a gametype called h4x0r, a Juggernaught variation.

Initial conditions were this (later tweaked)
Juggernaught Overshields
Juggernaught Active Camo
Juggernaught faster
Juggernaught deals extra damage
Juggernaught has damage resistance
Juggernaught kills count

Starting weapons:
Rocket Launcher
Energy Sword

Pcm979 · Post by **Pcm979** » 2004-11-22 03:32am

Ace Pace wrote:
Badme wrote:
A discussion of the Force powers of different types of Jesus. Only on Stardestroyer.net
FUQ!

Not unless you nominate my "Discussion on Chocolate Tanks" too.