Past Imperfect Chapter Eight

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aronkerkhof
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Past Imperfect Chapter Eight

Post by aronkerkhof »

You can snag it here:

http://www.galactec.com/neolith/index.php3?code=PI08

If you like it, let me know!
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HRogge
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Re: Past Imperfect Chapter Eight

Post by HRogge »

aronkerkhof wrote:You can snag it here:

http://www.galactec.com/neolith/index.php3?code=PI08

If you like it, let me know!
Really nice story ! I hope we will see more soon... :D
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Grand Admiral Thrawn
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Post by Grand Admiral Thrawn »

Ooh, and without almost a years wait! :)
"You know, I was God once."
"Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died."
Bender and God, Futurama
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Rob Wilson
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Re: Past Imperfect Chapter Eight

Post by Rob Wilson »

aronkerkhof wrote:You can snag it here:

http://www.galactec.com/neolith/index.php3?code=PI08

If you like it, let me know!
Once more you bring us the goods. :)

I see you're going for scene setting here after the action of the last chapter. Just out of interest, were you struggling with the beginning of this chapter? Vader sounded slightly off in the first couple of Paragraphs.

also "His head swiveled around as he scanned the small landing pad he'd sat down on." did you mean his shuttle had sat down on? I just had this picture of Vader in a recliner in the middle of the Landing pad when I first read that. :)

And more from the fabulously curvy HRD too. :P
"Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I get and beat you with, until you understand whose in f***ing command here!" Jayne : Firefly
"The officers can stay in the admin building and read the latest Tom Clancy novel thinking up new OOBs based on it." Coyote


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HAB Tankspotter - like trainspotting but with the thrill of 125mm retaliation if they spot you back
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aronkerkhof
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Post by aronkerkhof »

Struggling? Well, its always a struggle to write the "connecting" chapters, where I know where I have to go from here, make sure I don't forget anything, and don't have any real action set pieces to move things along.

But yeah, it is hard writing dialogue for Vader sometimes, because he doesn't have a lot of it in the original trilogy, if you think about it. And when he does speak, its usually in cool quotable one-liners. Basically, I don't think Vader thinks he's evil, so its sometimes tough to pass off noble sounding stuff for him. It passed my wife's laugh test, so I released it.

You are correct, I had a few paragraphs describing his landing and whatnot, but it got cut to make things snapier. Already too much talking in this chapter. So he's on some sort of shuttle pad, and he just set down on it. Yeah. :-)

And Guri will be figuring (heh) heavily into the cast of characters and the plot of things to come. I like her because she's a blank slate for us. We know she likes challenges, she's bad ass, and she's beautiful, but that's about it. I also like her potential with interaction with the rest of the cast.

Glad you liked it. Nine will be out soon, and we'll get the first taste o' trek.
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Rob Wilson
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Post by Rob Wilson »

aronkerkhof wrote:Glad you liked it. Nine will be out soon, and we'll get the first taste o' trek.
Kim: "Sir, we're ready to enter the Wormhole."

Adm Janeway: "I'll tell you when it's crunch-time Ensign Kim... Ack, urrrgh" *Pop,Snap,Crunch*

Vader: "You've failed me for the last time Admiral Janeway, you are in command now" *thud* "Admiral Kim."

Adm Kim: "A promotion! Yeeeeehaaa, wait til I tell mom and pop. Lt Paris set a course for the wormhole, Tuvok clear this dead cow off my bridge; then head down to the Gym and escort the Delany twins to my quarters."

go on, you know you want to :twisted:

Anyway I'm looking forward to it (even if Janeway doesn't die)
"Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I get and beat you with, until you understand whose in f***ing command here!" Jayne : Firefly
"The officers can stay in the admin building and read the latest Tom Clancy novel thinking up new OOBs based on it." Coyote


Image Image
HAB Tankspotter - like trainspotting but with the thrill of 125mm retaliation if they spot you back
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