People You Meet at Anime Cons (two new characters added)
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- Gil Hamilton
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People You Meet at Anime Cons (two new characters added)
Here is the first installment in what will undoubtably be a long history of these, since I have alot of ideas and very little better to do. Here are the first two examples I've cooked up, here in the dead of night.
Tragically Poor Cosplay Girl
Maybe it was pure obliviousness or a joke/reference that no one but she gets that caused the Tragically Poor Cosplay Girl to one day make her anime convention cosplay getup. For whatever reason, this girl shows up at a convention with just a costume so hideously made or ill-conceived that it is crushingly painful. She's the one who made the cat girl outfit that made her look like a furry Bangkok hooker or the expertly crafted anime jumpsuit that renders her completely unable to use the rest room without becoming completely naked. You'd normally think it would be humilating, but never the less there is pride there as she blissfully poses for pictures documenting her unintentional fashion catastrophe.
The Gamer Without a Name
No one knows where The Gamer Without a Name comes from or who he is, but in the vicious world of the Convention Game Room this individual resides. He never so speaks, surrounded by an icy cone of silence where he neither socializes with those who come to play with him or mocks the defeated. In fact, the only form of communication the Gamer possesses comes in the form of the savage beatdowns he impersonally delivers on all challengers who dare raise a controller or set foot on the dance pad against him. Unruffled by petty insults or the finest of Con Cleavage, he is a stoic master living in isolation upon the mountain of fighting games. In fact, the only person who seems to be able to eject him from his character is the game warden, citing that fifty consecutive wins means he has to let other people play for a bit.
Actual Asian Guy
In the world of American Anime Conventions, many members of the population are middle class white folks who have, for whatever reason, have become utterly obsessed with Japanese and Asian culture. They buy the DVDs, read the books, watch the documentaries, listen to the JPop and even take Japanese language courses. Naturally, more than a few of them don't know any people who are actually from Asia. This makes Actual Asian Guy a very popular character at cons and abroad, usually found in the center of the action, since the accident of race automatically confers authority, whether or not they actually know anything more than anyone else. As wearing as that might be, they are a powerful force on the floor... particularly if the Actual Asian Guy is also a Master of Pimponomics (refer to later entry).
Big Fat Con Bitch (said entirely in one breath)
(Note: Big Fat Con Bitch doesn't necessary have anything to do with weight or appearance, but rather attitude)
If you've been to a Con, you've had the misfortunate to have encountered at least one of the Big Fat Con Bitch type. She's the girl who squeezes her body into the real slutty cosplay clothes that don't remotely fit her, hits on anything male in sight, complains about everything, and generally is a travelling vortex of other people's misery. The BFCB will step over her con-groups bodies for a cute guy and when the guy isn't interested, will actively prevent anyone else from having him, often evoking that "We came together, we leave together!" woman rule or complain that they aren't having any fun, or sullen up if they see their friends having more fun than them. A tragedy on legs, things can get ugly when it becomes clear that their Rei Ayanami jumpsuit translates to Lumpy Bratwurst on them, even if that doesn't stop them from pouncing on anyone with a wang.
Tragically Poor Cosplay Girl
Maybe it was pure obliviousness or a joke/reference that no one but she gets that caused the Tragically Poor Cosplay Girl to one day make her anime convention cosplay getup. For whatever reason, this girl shows up at a convention with just a costume so hideously made or ill-conceived that it is crushingly painful. She's the one who made the cat girl outfit that made her look like a furry Bangkok hooker or the expertly crafted anime jumpsuit that renders her completely unable to use the rest room without becoming completely naked. You'd normally think it would be humilating, but never the less there is pride there as she blissfully poses for pictures documenting her unintentional fashion catastrophe.
The Gamer Without a Name
No one knows where The Gamer Without a Name comes from or who he is, but in the vicious world of the Convention Game Room this individual resides. He never so speaks, surrounded by an icy cone of silence where he neither socializes with those who come to play with him or mocks the defeated. In fact, the only form of communication the Gamer possesses comes in the form of the savage beatdowns he impersonally delivers on all challengers who dare raise a controller or set foot on the dance pad against him. Unruffled by petty insults or the finest of Con Cleavage, he is a stoic master living in isolation upon the mountain of fighting games. In fact, the only person who seems to be able to eject him from his character is the game warden, citing that fifty consecutive wins means he has to let other people play for a bit.
Actual Asian Guy
In the world of American Anime Conventions, many members of the population are middle class white folks who have, for whatever reason, have become utterly obsessed with Japanese and Asian culture. They buy the DVDs, read the books, watch the documentaries, listen to the JPop and even take Japanese language courses. Naturally, more than a few of them don't know any people who are actually from Asia. This makes Actual Asian Guy a very popular character at cons and abroad, usually found in the center of the action, since the accident of race automatically confers authority, whether or not they actually know anything more than anyone else. As wearing as that might be, they are a powerful force on the floor... particularly if the Actual Asian Guy is also a Master of Pimponomics (refer to later entry).
Big Fat Con Bitch (said entirely in one breath)
(Note: Big Fat Con Bitch doesn't necessary have anything to do with weight or appearance, but rather attitude)
If you've been to a Con, you've had the misfortunate to have encountered at least one of the Big Fat Con Bitch type. She's the girl who squeezes her body into the real slutty cosplay clothes that don't remotely fit her, hits on anything male in sight, complains about everything, and generally is a travelling vortex of other people's misery. The BFCB will step over her con-groups bodies for a cute guy and when the guy isn't interested, will actively prevent anyone else from having him, often evoking that "We came together, we leave together!" woman rule or complain that they aren't having any fun, or sullen up if they see their friends having more fun than them. A tragedy on legs, things can get ugly when it becomes clear that their Rei Ayanami jumpsuit translates to Lumpy Bratwurst on them, even if that doesn't stop them from pouncing on anyone with a wang.
Last edited by Gil Hamilton on 2006-06-02 04:06pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Show me an angel and I will paint you one." - Gustav Courbet
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
- Oni Koneko Damien
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Probably already been thought of by you, but...
"Forced to cross-play against his will" boy.
"Sailor Bacon" (obviously)
"It must be 300 degrees inside that furry-suit" man.
"Oops, I forgot to wear anything but decorated underwear" girl
"The Blood Sausage" girl or guy (200 lbs of flesh in 130 lb flesh-capacity vinyl tube-top and pants)
"Forced to cross-play against his will" boy.
"Sailor Bacon" (obviously)
"It must be 300 degrees inside that furry-suit" man.
"Oops, I forgot to wear anything but decorated underwear" girl
"The Blood Sausage" girl or guy (200 lbs of flesh in 130 lb flesh-capacity vinyl tube-top and pants)
Gaian Paradigm: Because not all fantasy has to be childish crap.
Ephemeral Pie: Because not all role-playing has to be shallow.
My art: Because not all DA users are talentless emo twits.
"Phant, quit abusing the He-Wench before he turns you into a caged bitch at a Ren Fair and lets the tourists toss half munched turkey legs at your backside." -Mr. Coffee
Ephemeral Pie: Because not all role-playing has to be shallow.
My art: Because not all DA users are talentless emo twits.
"Phant, quit abusing the He-Wench before he turns you into a caged bitch at a Ren Fair and lets the tourists toss half munched turkey legs at your backside." -Mr. Coffee
- Crossroads Inc.
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You mean like THIS poor kid?Oni Koneko Damien wrote:"Forced to cross-play against his will" boy.
Praying is another way of doing nothing helpful
"Congratulations, you get a cookie. You almost got a fundamental English word correct." Pick
"Outlaw star has spaceships that punch eachother" Joviwan
Read "Tales From The Crossroads"!
Read "One Wrong Turn"!
"Congratulations, you get a cookie. You almost got a fundamental English word correct." Pick
"Outlaw star has spaceships that punch eachother" Joviwan
Read "Tales From The Crossroads"!
Read "One Wrong Turn"!
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That's simply "Cosplay". Crossplay involves dressing as a character of the opposite gender.Crossroads Inc. wrote:You mean like THIS poor kid?Oni Koneko Damien wrote:"Forced to cross-play against his will" boy.
Like this:
Though he does it willingly.
Do not meddle in the affairs of insomniacs, for they are cranky and can do things to you while you sleep.
The Realm of Confusion
"Every time you talk about Teal'c, I keep imagining Thor's ass. Thank you very much for that, you fucking fucker." -Marcao
SG-14: Because in some cases, "Recon" means "Blow up a fucking planet or die trying."
SilCore Wiki! Come take a look!
The Realm of Confusion
"Every time you talk about Teal'c, I keep imagining Thor's ass. Thank you very much for that, you fucking fucker." -Marcao
SG-14: Because in some cases, "Recon" means "Blow up a fucking planet or die trying."
SilCore Wiki! Come take a look!
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...although that's actually a picture perfect representation of Sailor Bacon, another suggestion.Hotfoot wrote:Like this: *snip*
Gaian Paradigm: Because not all fantasy has to be childish crap.
Ephemeral Pie: Because not all role-playing has to be shallow.
My art: Because not all DA users are talentless emo twits.
"Phant, quit abusing the He-Wench before he turns you into a caged bitch at a Ren Fair and lets the tourists toss half munched turkey legs at your backside." -Mr. Coffee
Ephemeral Pie: Because not all role-playing has to be shallow.
My art: Because not all DA users are talentless emo twits.
"Phant, quit abusing the He-Wench before he turns you into a caged bitch at a Ren Fair and lets the tourists toss half munched turkey legs at your backside." -Mr. Coffee
- Gil Hamilton
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My friend's upload space always picks the worst times to go down.
And I don't mean to be a dick, but this wasn't suppose to be a general "Hay guys! Post yer bad con pictures!" thread. I was actually trying to make a series here. However, I guess since my webspace has crashed, go nuts.
And I don't mean to be a dick, but this wasn't suppose to be a general "Hay guys! Post yer bad con pictures!" thread. I was actually trying to make a series here. However, I guess since my webspace has crashed, go nuts.
"Show me an angel and I will paint you one." - Gustav Courbet
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
- Gil Hamilton
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Huzzah! My webspace has returned to working.
"Show me an angel and I will paint you one." - Gustav Courbet
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
Retarded Fanatic
The retarded fanatic is usually marked by his/her singleminded devotion to a series or character. These fanatics will take any comments of a negative nature on their current obsession as a personal attack and respond with angry, incomprehensible threats. Usually, they can be easily spotted wearing various accessories, such as ninja headbands, to indicate their unwaivering loyalty.
The retarded fanatic is usually marked by his/her singleminded devotion to a series or character. These fanatics will take any comments of a negative nature on their current obsession as a personal attack and respond with angry, incomprehensible threats. Usually, they can be easily spotted wearing various accessories, such as ninja headbands, to indicate their unwaivering loyalty.
BoTM, MM, HAB, JL
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The Jackass Panelist
This particular breed specialies in making a scene whenever contradicted and touting his/her supposed credintials of fandom as evidence that he/she does in fact know more then you and to argue you with him is heresy. There will be assertions of non-canon relations (see Gundam Wing) and will be professed as gospel. When challenged hissy fit will be become epic, eventually with security called and more lies leveled against the poor bastard who tried to set the record straight.
Power Tripping Staff
Signs saying anything that could be remotely construed as propositions will be accused of trying to flaunt local prostitution laws. Moronic enforcements are only the tip of the iceberg however! There will be approved line cutting, acting like they're just too busy to answer a question while on a cell phone, and general harrasment of anything they don't like, even if it's not against con rules.
This particular breed specialies in making a scene whenever contradicted and touting his/her supposed credintials of fandom as evidence that he/she does in fact know more then you and to argue you with him is heresy. There will be assertions of non-canon relations (see Gundam Wing) and will be professed as gospel. When challenged hissy fit will be become epic, eventually with security called and more lies leveled against the poor bastard who tried to set the record straight.
Power Tripping Staff
Signs saying anything that could be remotely construed as propositions will be accused of trying to flaunt local prostitution laws. Moronic enforcements are only the tip of the iceberg however! There will be approved line cutting, acting like they're just too busy to answer a question while on a cell phone, and general harrasment of anything they don't like, even if it's not against con rules.
- Crossroads Inc.
- Emperor's Hand
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The Phoney
A rare yet easily recognized breed. This specimen shall adorn him or herself with several different displays of anime tidbits and regela; usually horribly mismatched. The Phoney is invariably drawn to any crowd that seems to be engaged in discussion or full of activity. Once a group is spoted, he will launch himself and immediatly feign knowledge of whatever topic they may be discussion, trying hoplessly to impress and gain entrance into their social cast.
Almost always a failure in such attempt, The Phoney usually prowls in a lonely state, looking for any chance to display his impressive lack of Anime facts.
A rare yet easily recognized breed. This specimen shall adorn him or herself with several different displays of anime tidbits and regela; usually horribly mismatched. The Phoney is invariably drawn to any crowd that seems to be engaged in discussion or full of activity. Once a group is spoted, he will launch himself and immediatly feign knowledge of whatever topic they may be discussion, trying hoplessly to impress and gain entrance into their social cast.
Almost always a failure in such attempt, The Phoney usually prowls in a lonely state, looking for any chance to display his impressive lack of Anime facts.
Praying is another way of doing nothing helpful
"Congratulations, you get a cookie. You almost got a fundamental English word correct." Pick
"Outlaw star has spaceships that punch eachother" Joviwan
Read "Tales From The Crossroads"!
Read "One Wrong Turn"!
"Congratulations, you get a cookie. You almost got a fundamental English word correct." Pick
"Outlaw star has spaceships that punch eachother" Joviwan
Read "Tales From The Crossroads"!
Read "One Wrong Turn"!
I am actually scared by this.
Sure, when I was wrestling, some of the costumes were really stupid, but that was our job. Our JOB was to be a character. I can't imagine being a character for some twisted hobby, then going to conventions like this...
But hey, everyone needs a hobby.
Can someone post that Tron guy with the camel toe?
Sure, when I was wrestling, some of the costumes were really stupid, but that was our job. Our JOB was to be a character. I can't imagine being a character for some twisted hobby, then going to conventions like this...
But hey, everyone needs a hobby.
Can someone post that Tron guy with the camel toe?
- The Yosemite Bear
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Veal
Refers to far too young cosplayers dressed in EGL who crash the midnight showing of the rocky horror picture show, the vampire party all night, or any other exclusively adult event. Refered to this as 1. were not talking J.B. but someone you feel wrong/uncomfortable having around in the area as there might me "Pat Kelly's" about, like we call it gothic, but fuck no real life "loli"
Refers to far too young cosplayers dressed in EGL who crash the midnight showing of the rocky horror picture show, the vampire party all night, or any other exclusively adult event. Refered to this as 1. were not talking J.B. but someone you feel wrong/uncomfortable having around in the area as there might me "Pat Kelly's" about, like we call it gothic, but fuck no real life "loli"
The scariest folk song lyrics are "My Boy Grew up to be just like me" from cats in the cradle by Harry Chapin
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- Gil Hamilton
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Actual Asian Guy and Big Fat Con Bitch added.
"Show me an angel and I will paint you one." - Gustav Courbet
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
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LOL, do you have an aversion to drawing hands? It just takes practice, dude . Keep it up!
"The rest of the poem plays upon that pun. On the contrary, says Catullus, although my verses are soft (molliculi ac parum pudici in line 8, reversing the play on words), they can arouse even limp old men. Should Furius and Aurelius have any remaining doubts about Catullus' virility, he offers to fuck them anally and orally to prove otherwise." - Catullus 16, Wikipedia
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I can draw hands and have practiced drawing them extensively to try and get them right. I just don't like to draw hands. If hands become necessary to the picture, I'll draw them, but circles with bits tacked on work otherwise.Pick wrote:LOL, do you have an aversion to drawing hands? It just takes practice, dude . Keep it up!
"Show me an angel and I will paint you one." - Gustav Courbet
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
- Coyote
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- Contact:
MR. AUTHORITY
Knows everything. Read every book there is about guns, tactics, wars, astronomy, space travel, theoretical physics, occultism, magic, and so on. No uniform body morphology; can be male or female but frequently seems to have an affectation for Fedora hats.
Everything you may have seen or done he knows all about despite 100% Zero personal experience. Has an opinion on everything, knows a better way you could have done any given thing, and will eager share that opinion loud and long and frequently punctuated by nasally guffaws at his own perceived cleverness. Frequently prefers to glom onto anyone with a hint of military service, pretending to be a peer.
A sinkhole for attention, time, and sucking the vibrancy out of any room.
Knows everything. Read every book there is about guns, tactics, wars, astronomy, space travel, theoretical physics, occultism, magic, and so on. No uniform body morphology; can be male or female but frequently seems to have an affectation for Fedora hats.
Everything you may have seen or done he knows all about despite 100% Zero personal experience. Has an opinion on everything, knows a better way you could have done any given thing, and will eager share that opinion loud and long and frequently punctuated by nasally guffaws at his own perceived cleverness. Frequently prefers to glom onto anyone with a hint of military service, pretending to be a peer.
A sinkhole for attention, time, and sucking the vibrancy out of any room.
Something about Libertarianism always bothered me. Then one day, I realized what it was:
Libertarian philosophy can be boiled down to the phrase, "Work Will Make You Free."
In Libertarianism, there is no Government, so the Bosses are free to exploit the Workers.
In Communism, there is no Government, so the Workers are free to exploit the Bosses.
So in Libertarianism, man exploits man, but in Communism, its the other way around!
If all you want to do is have some harmless, mindless fun, go H3RE INST3ADZ0RZ!!
Grrr! Fight my Brute, you pansy!
Libertarian philosophy can be boiled down to the phrase, "Work Will Make You Free."
In Libertarianism, there is no Government, so the Bosses are free to exploit the Workers.
In Communism, there is no Government, so the Workers are free to exploit the Bosses.
So in Libertarianism, man exploits man, but in Communism, its the other way around!
If all you want to do is have some harmless, mindless fun, go H3RE INST3ADZ0RZ!!
Grrr! Fight my Brute, you pansy!
- Gil Hamilton
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Actually, I was planning that guy, Coyote, since I know one and the last quote in my sig actually refers to him.
"Show me an angel and I will paint you one." - Gustav Courbet
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
"Quetzalcoatl, plumed serpent of the Aztecs... you are a pussy." - Stephen Colbert
"Really, I'm jealous of how much smarter than me he is. I'm not an expert on anything and he's an expert on things he knows nothing about." - Me, concerning a bullshitter
- General Zod
- Never Shuts Up
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Something that's far worse than the vast majority of anime-con goers: Behold, the Ganguro Girl.
"It's you Americans. There's something about nipples you hate. If this were Germany, we'd be romping around naked on the stage here."
- Coyote
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Something about Libertarianism always bothered me. Then one day, I realized what it was:
Libertarian philosophy can be boiled down to the phrase, "Work Will Make You Free."
In Libertarianism, there is no Government, so the Bosses are free to exploit the Workers.
In Communism, there is no Government, so the Workers are free to exploit the Bosses.
So in Libertarianism, man exploits man, but in Communism, its the other way around!
If all you want to do is have some harmless, mindless fun, go H3RE INST3ADZ0RZ!!
Grrr! Fight my Brute, you pansy!
Libertarian philosophy can be boiled down to the phrase, "Work Will Make You Free."
In Libertarianism, there is no Government, so the Bosses are free to exploit the Workers.
In Communism, there is no Government, so the Workers are free to exploit the Bosses.
So in Libertarianism, man exploits man, but in Communism, its the other way around!
If all you want to do is have some harmless, mindless fun, go H3RE INST3ADZ0RZ!!
Grrr! Fight my Brute, you pansy!