People You Meet at Anime Cons (two new characters added)
Posted: 2006-06-01 04:02am
Here is the first installment in what will undoubtably be a long history of these, since I have alot of ideas and very little better to do. Here are the first two examples I've cooked up, here in the dead of night.
Tragically Poor Cosplay Girl
Maybe it was pure obliviousness or a joke/reference that no one but she gets that caused the Tragically Poor Cosplay Girl to one day make her anime convention cosplay getup. For whatever reason, this girl shows up at a convention with just a costume so hideously made or ill-conceived that it is crushingly painful. She's the one who made the cat girl outfit that made her look like a furry Bangkok hooker or the expertly crafted anime jumpsuit that renders her completely unable to use the rest room without becoming completely naked. You'd normally think it would be humilating, but never the less there is pride there as she blissfully poses for pictures documenting her unintentional fashion catastrophe.
The Gamer Without a Name
No one knows where The Gamer Without a Name comes from or who he is, but in the vicious world of the Convention Game Room this individual resides. He never so speaks, surrounded by an icy cone of silence where he neither socializes with those who come to play with him or mocks the defeated. In fact, the only form of communication the Gamer possesses comes in the form of the savage beatdowns he impersonally delivers on all challengers who dare raise a controller or set foot on the dance pad against him. Unruffled by petty insults or the finest of Con Cleavage, he is a stoic master living in isolation upon the mountain of fighting games. In fact, the only person who seems to be able to eject him from his character is the game warden, citing that fifty consecutive wins means he has to let other people play for a bit.
Actual Asian Guy
In the world of American Anime Conventions, many members of the population are middle class white folks who have, for whatever reason, have become utterly obsessed with Japanese and Asian culture. They buy the DVDs, read the books, watch the documentaries, listen to the JPop and even take Japanese language courses. Naturally, more than a few of them don't know any people who are actually from Asia. This makes Actual Asian Guy a very popular character at cons and abroad, usually found in the center of the action, since the accident of race automatically confers authority, whether or not they actually know anything more than anyone else. As wearing as that might be, they are a powerful force on the floor... particularly if the Actual Asian Guy is also a Master of Pimponomics (refer to later entry).
Big Fat Con Bitch (said entirely in one breath)
(Note: Big Fat Con Bitch doesn't necessary have anything to do with weight or appearance, but rather attitude)
If you've been to a Con, you've had the misfortunate to have encountered at least one of the Big Fat Con Bitch type. She's the girl who squeezes her body into the real slutty cosplay clothes that don't remotely fit her, hits on anything male in sight, complains about everything, and generally is a travelling vortex of other people's misery. The BFCB will step over her con-groups bodies for a cute guy and when the guy isn't interested, will actively prevent anyone else from having him, often evoking that "We came together, we leave together!" woman rule or complain that they aren't having any fun, or sullen up if they see their friends having more fun than them. A tragedy on legs, things can get ugly when it becomes clear that their Rei Ayanami jumpsuit translates to Lumpy Bratwurst on them, even if that doesn't stop them from pouncing on anyone with a wang.
Tragically Poor Cosplay Girl
Maybe it was pure obliviousness or a joke/reference that no one but she gets that caused the Tragically Poor Cosplay Girl to one day make her anime convention cosplay getup. For whatever reason, this girl shows up at a convention with just a costume so hideously made or ill-conceived that it is crushingly painful. She's the one who made the cat girl outfit that made her look like a furry Bangkok hooker or the expertly crafted anime jumpsuit that renders her completely unable to use the rest room without becoming completely naked. You'd normally think it would be humilating, but never the less there is pride there as she blissfully poses for pictures documenting her unintentional fashion catastrophe.
The Gamer Without a Name
No one knows where The Gamer Without a Name comes from or who he is, but in the vicious world of the Convention Game Room this individual resides. He never so speaks, surrounded by an icy cone of silence where he neither socializes with those who come to play with him or mocks the defeated. In fact, the only form of communication the Gamer possesses comes in the form of the savage beatdowns he impersonally delivers on all challengers who dare raise a controller or set foot on the dance pad against him. Unruffled by petty insults or the finest of Con Cleavage, he is a stoic master living in isolation upon the mountain of fighting games. In fact, the only person who seems to be able to eject him from his character is the game warden, citing that fifty consecutive wins means he has to let other people play for a bit.
Actual Asian Guy
In the world of American Anime Conventions, many members of the population are middle class white folks who have, for whatever reason, have become utterly obsessed with Japanese and Asian culture. They buy the DVDs, read the books, watch the documentaries, listen to the JPop and even take Japanese language courses. Naturally, more than a few of them don't know any people who are actually from Asia. This makes Actual Asian Guy a very popular character at cons and abroad, usually found in the center of the action, since the accident of race automatically confers authority, whether or not they actually know anything more than anyone else. As wearing as that might be, they are a powerful force on the floor... particularly if the Actual Asian Guy is also a Master of Pimponomics (refer to later entry).
Big Fat Con Bitch (said entirely in one breath)
(Note: Big Fat Con Bitch doesn't necessary have anything to do with weight or appearance, but rather attitude)
If you've been to a Con, you've had the misfortunate to have encountered at least one of the Big Fat Con Bitch type. She's the girl who squeezes her body into the real slutty cosplay clothes that don't remotely fit her, hits on anything male in sight, complains about everything, and generally is a travelling vortex of other people's misery. The BFCB will step over her con-groups bodies for a cute guy and when the guy isn't interested, will actively prevent anyone else from having him, often evoking that "We came together, we leave together!" woman rule or complain that they aren't having any fun, or sullen up if they see their friends having more fun than them. A tragedy on legs, things can get ugly when it becomes clear that their Rei Ayanami jumpsuit translates to Lumpy Bratwurst on them, even if that doesn't stop them from pouncing on anyone with a wang.
It just takes practice, dude 
. Keep it up!