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Unnamed crossover

Posted: 2003-07-27 10:42pm
by darthdavid
Green bolts of energy lance through space forming titanic explosions as they impact against the Sheilds of the Desperate Hope. Similarly massive bolts of crimson red lance from the Desperate hope, however they seem pathetic against the massive bulk of the ISD Viscious. Their respective fighters weave and lunge in a dance of death over the two ships spitting energy at each other, trying desperatly to win their dog fights. Concentrated fire on the ISD's bridge sheild grid allows an x-wing to land a lucky proton torpedo shot. Momentarily be-headed the massive craft begins a sickening dive twoards the
Desperate Hope. However, the gunners continue firing the whole time. Gargantuan heavy turbolaser blasts rain a deadly hail directly over the Desperate Hope's reactor. The sheilds aren't up to the task. The ensuing blast creates a micro wormhole as a powersurge causes the ISD's hyperdrive to activate, the massive energies intertwine and then, as if some diety had flicked a switch, all the crew sees is blackness.
Well, How was it?

Posted: 2003-07-27 10:43pm
by Grand Admiral Thrawn
No plot, no characters, badly written action...

Posted: 2003-07-27 10:50pm
by Kuja
Might've made a halfway decent introductory paragraph...

Posted: 2003-07-27 10:51pm
by darthdavid
Ok then. That's the end of that story. If i keep trying i'll get one going eventually.

Posted: 2003-07-28 10:54pm
by weemadando
Its interesting. The problem is a lack of detail and you have greatly limited immersion through your writing style. Also, its a little confusing a complex due to the fact that we are unaware who's doing what to who.

Its not a bad effort, but with a bit of expanding it would be better.

Posted: 2003-07-29 05:04am
by Darth Fanboy
SUCKED!

However you do get one do-over.